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Original poster

To cancel our first holiday together 6 days beforehand

482 replies

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 03:55

Hi all, I'm trying to understand why my boyfriend would ask me this before I cancel our holiday. We have been together about a year and we are going to Thailand on Wednesday, he has never left Europe so we are both looking forward to it. Early today I mentioned I had read there are ALOT of massage places offering happy endings where we are staying thinking we would both have a have a bit of a laugh about it so I was shocked when he said 'I could get a hand job and you could watch' I laughed and said yeah right thinking he was joking but he carried on by saying 'it wouldn't be cheating if you were in the room would it'. I asked if he was joking and he said no. I couldn't believe he'd even suggest it. I said OK maybe I can get a happy ending from a man whilst you're in the room (I would never) and he got very annoyed saying it's totally different and why would I even say that. This is our first holiday together. I have planned and paid for this holiday as a gift and I just cannot believe he would even suggest it. He did apologise after I told him how upset I was.

For context he slept around alot whilst we were seeing each other but not officially together whilst saying if I ever slept with someone else he would never see me again. He swears blind he has been loyal since we have been official and I believe him (maybe stupidly). Any thoughts? I feel like not going at this point but maybe that's an overreaction

OP posts:
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LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 15/05/2025 16:46

I'm so sorry, OP. I hope you're getting the support you need.

Cel119 · 15/05/2025 16:05

LBFseBrom · 15/05/2025 12:22

I am so, so sorry, Chickenrun.

I do hope you didn't go to Thailand with him, and binned him, prior to this happening, and have gone to the police about the sexual assault.

That is awful.

I hope you are OK and safe now. x

Show quote history

She did, as she trusted him, then had an awful experience there involving SA, hence the break up. Then when collecting his stuff from hers, again, raped her! Its shocking!

I hope you are getting the help you need OP.
Best wishes.

LBFseBrom · 15/05/2025 12:22

Chickenrun12 · 14/05/2025 21:59

Hi all, I posted this a good while ago now but thought I would return with a final update. This whole situation ultimately resulted in me being seriously sexually assaulted/raped by this man. This was after the relationship had ended whilst he was collecting the last of his belongings.

I am only writing this update in the hopes that anyone who comes across this thread and sees similarities in their own relationship will not be as foolish as me.

Please listen to your gut. It feels wrong because it is and no amount of hoping, talking, begging etc will change it.

I am so, so sorry, Chickenrun.

I do hope you didn't go to Thailand with him, and binned him, prior to this happening, and have gone to the police about the sexual assault.

That is awful.

I hope you are OK and safe now. x

LoisLanyard · 15/05/2025 11:51

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. For anyone posting negative comments, I suggest you read up on emotional abuse and coercive control. It can be insidious and gradual, it isn’t something that only affects vulnerable people. It can be hugely damaging and as a society we are conditioned to minimise it - as this whole thread bears witness to. OP - I wish you well, and you will get through this. You are not alone.

Gymnopedie · 15/05/2025 11:35

OP I'm so sorry. Of course you didn't deserve that and I hope you're getting a lot of RL support.

But please don't feel bad that you gave him another chance. It's much easier to type 'leave him' on a keyboard than it is to do it when you're the one in the relationship. Especially as the comment in your OP was the first inkling you had of his real character.

Bantai · 15/05/2025 09:02

Oh OP, that update is heartbreaking to read.
You poor pet.
I am so so sorry.

What a truly awful criminal he is.
Have you reported it?
Are you getting the support you need and deserve?

Langdale3 · 15/05/2025 08:06

How awful for you. I am sure you want to just put it behind you but do press charges if you possibly can. I hope that you have some real life support / counselling.

Bikergran · 15/05/2025 07:57

Press charges. So sorry this happened.

Workingtoohardmummy · 15/05/2025 07:24

Gosh I am so sorry to see your update. You couldn’t have predicted it, I hope you will be ok xx

RealHousewivesOfTaunton · 15/05/2025 07:18

My goodness OP, I'm so sorry. You're extremely brave 💐

Goditsmemargaret · 15/05/2025 00:48

OP I am so sorry to read all of your thread including the final update. I hope you have support IRL and your future is bright. You deserved none of this. He abused you all the way through.

ohlamer · 15/05/2025 00:47

I’m so sorry to read your update OP. I have teenage girls and (having had plenty experiences of my own whilst younger) worry all the time about how to help them strike a balance between having a generous and open heart at the same time as listening to their intuition. I don’t know enough about what you’ve been through recently to comment, but I do know that you’ve been very generous returning to this thread and posting your update so that others can learn from your experience. Thank you. I’m as sure as I can be that you will be absolutely fine, and all the stronger for surviving this experience in your future. Very best wishes to you!

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 14/05/2025 23:50

I too am sorry to read your latest update OP. It really is horrendous the situations some of us find ourselves in. We all make mistakes, want to believe that a man is good, even though he's blatantly telling us he's not. I hope that with help and support, you are able to eventually move on, and maybe one day in the distant future, find a good man to share your life with, but not until you are completely healed, which I hate to say, may take a very long time. Sending you a hug, and hope for the future. Things CAN get better!

Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 14/05/2025 22:51

Thank you.

OP posts:
JifNtGif · 14/05/2025 22:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Rainbowqueeen · 14/05/2025 22:35

So sorry Op. You did not deserve any of that. Please seek some RL support from rape crisis. Sending you a hug

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 14/05/2025 22:13

Look after yourself OP and press charges.

Original poster
Chickenrun12 · 14/05/2025 21:59

Hi all, I posted this a good while ago now but thought I would return with a final update. This whole situation ultimately resulted in me being seriously sexually assaulted/raped by this man. This was after the relationship had ended whilst he was collecting the last of his belongings.

I am only writing this update in the hopes that anyone who comes across this thread and sees similarities in their own relationship will not be as foolish as me.

Please listen to your gut. It feels wrong because it is and no amount of hoping, talking, begging etc will change it.

OP posts:
Bangwam1 · 11/11/2024 19:27

I can’t believe what I just read. You need to look into why you would allow someone to treat you that way. Have a read of this book ‘why does he do that?’ By Lundy Bancroft before you go anywhere near another man

www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/s/6NSh74iIgi

Bangwam1 · 11/11/2024 19:16

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 15:10

@SwerveCity

If you're going to continue to question the OP's truthfulness the least you could do would be to actually read her posts

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47
Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

Edited

Run a mile. He is controlling too!

Bangwam1 · 11/11/2024 19:15

An old thread but for future reference. A man says something like that to you, he is testing you out, seeing what your boundaries are and how much nasty you’ll tolerate. I hope you went with a friend because if you failed this test, it’s all over

Movinghouseatlast · 11/11/2024 17:46

This sounds absolutely horrific. It's so unbelievably vile, absolutely not normal at all. You must keep away from this man from now on.

TheSilkWorm · 11/11/2024 15:10

@SwerveCity

If you're going to continue to question the OP's truthfulness the least you could do would be to actually read her posts

Chickenrun12 · 26/09/2024 16:47
Sorry everyone, I'm here and have read all the comments. I don't know why I've put up with it all tbh, there's so much that screams inequality and I stupidly try to teach him about equality (like maybe its just ignorance rather than him being a 'bad' person?'. He grew up with an abusive father, surrounded by men who have the same thought processes as him - women shouldn't wear revealing clothes, but men can walk topless in summer. Women shouldn't be alone in the house with other men - workmen, delivery drivers etc (e.g. those who delivered my sofa a few weeks ago - it had to be left outside until he came to bring it in), but he can work in women's houses. Women shouldn't attend certain bars/clubs, but fine for him. Women shouldn't go swimming because of 'revealing' clothes around men, but he swims daily. I could go on and on.

SwerveCity · 11/11/2024 15:05

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Mummyoflittledragon · 11/11/2024 13:55

I have just read your update detailing the abuse you suffered at his hands. You poor thing. What a vile man he is. Flowers