Bisexual Awareness Month

Haha! We should probably start our own thread to strategize some more effective attention seeking tactics. It seems they’re on to us!

I think you’re quite spectacularly missing the point.

Of course if someone comes into an office and says "I shagged this person and the weekend and we did it in this position" etc that is different and totally inappropriate but literally nobody is talking about that?

This is about finding out someone is gay or bisexual and responding that you don't need to know what gets them going (which is what you said).

As a bisexual (but with a woman for 25 years now) in my 60s, I found that when people I worked with found out I was bi they were rather impressed!

What is wrong with me not wanting to know what you do in the bedroom ?

Some people could start a fight in an empty room

Is that why you said "I dont need to know what gets you going at work, its not appropriate - I dont care about your sex life"?

By your definition, heterosexuality is people who like sex with the opposite gender- but as has been repeated many times on this thread, Susan in the office talking about going to Homebase with her husband at the weekend doesn't immediately conjure up images of their sex life or "what gets them going".

And you saying you're spending the weekend with Brenda or Brian is exactly the same, I don't think about what my lesbian friends are up to in the bedroom, any more than I think about my neighbours sex life, most people really dont care

By your definition, heterosexuality is people who like sex with the opposite gender- but as has been repeated many times on this thread, Susan in the office talking about going to Homebase with her husband at the weekend doesn't immediately conjure up images of their sex life or "what gets them going".

Anyway the definition of sexuality is about more than sex- sexuality involves how people experience attraction, who they form intimate bonds with, and how they identify in terms of sexual orientation. It’s about who someone is drawn to, in terms of gender, for relationships or intimacy, but it doesn’t always centre on the physical aspect.

Also, I obviously don’t mean that I’d like to stand up on a table, clap my hands, call for attention and announce, “Attention everyone! I am bisexual!”

What I mean is, like a PP said, my colleagues and I spend 9 hours a day together! My colleagues share so many parts of their personal lives and we have gotten to know each other really well.

For example, I know all my colleagues partners and kids names. I know when they argue or break up. I know what they did at the weekend and what TV shows they watch together.

I know about their pasts, too - I’ve heard stories about nasty exes, or great holidays they went on with previous boyfriends, or funny stories that happened on dates when they were younger. And so on.

So if I’d like to contribute to some of these conversations then of course, I might need to share (in some way) that I am with, or have been with, people of the same sex.

It’s not about making a PPT all about myself and my sexual preferences. It’s about chatting about my life when they chat about theirs, or answering the questions they ask me honestly.

Stop trying to make it an attention seeking thing. There’s a difference between seeking attention and just not wanting to have to consciously hide parts of yourself.

erm OK - its in the name bi-sex-uality?

How / what else is it?

Lesbians like sex with women
Gay men like sex with men
Bisexuals like sex with men or women

@Katielovesteatime its rather depressing isn’t it. I will have to throw away my big gay sign and rainbow flag I’ve been carrying around for all of that attention we are craving.

IS there a big difference? I don’t think so at all. That certainly hasn’t been my experience. I very much have had to choose whether to tell people, or whether to consciously withhold it. If that’s your experience then that’s great, but it hasn’t been mine.

That conflating bisexuality with someone's sex life is an issue.

That kind of talk is horrid but the people that talk like that do it about everybody, we all fall prey to it. The next moment they'll be gossiping about Suzanne having lost too much weight, how it was a bit off of Pat not to go to Jane's leaving do, how the new temp girl thinks she knows it all and endless speculation about if Martin from accounting is having an affair with Katie from auditing. It's not just a special bit of nastiness for bisexuals. They are not going stop because of a special 'awareness' power point presentation, its just human nature.

And the vast majority don't give a flying fig whether Jason from Accounts is sleeping with Daniel or Danielle. But hey we all need a special month to make us feel special.

There is a big difference between having to hide your sexual preferences and announcing them.
I don't care who shags who as long as its legal, consensual and in an appropriate place and while I would be happy to know that Janices daughter is getting married or Fred is off to Ibiza at the weekend I really do NOT need to know their sexual preferences and they don't need to know mine

I've looked through your posts, and not sure what you mean?

I preferred it a few years ago when everyone had conceded that yes, LGB people are just as dull as everyone else, and nobody was forced to affirm us in the workplace.
Didnt need a month of bloody awareness which just increases intolerance (understandably) from people who are trying to get on with their jobs and their deadlines.

I've absolutely never, in all my life, had a workplace where colleagues didn't share and discuss aspects of their lives, and bond, and become friends (with at least SOME people!) and acquaintances with others. We spend so much of our day in the workplace. We see our colleagues more than our own families most days. Having to hide an aspect of yourself for 9 hours a day is exhausting. I chat with my colleagues about all sorts of things, I don't think it's unusual to share parts of your daily life with people you see every day!

At work?
Shouldn't you be actually doing, you know, work rather than "sharing experiences"
Surely everyone just turns up, does their job, maybe has a nice chat about what they are up to at the weekend - no need to know who does/doesn't like a bit of Cock

I think this sums up how I feel as well. If you're heterosexual, you never have to think about or worry about this sort of thing. But I feel like I'm constantly facing this issue when I make new friends or meet new people where I have to choose between 'coming out' to them (and worrying about when and how would be appropriate), or deliberately withholding that part of my life from them, which feels dishonest and also means that I have to consciously withhold information from them/be careful what I say/what stories I tell/who I talk about, and so on.

Deciding the 'come out' to someone means the worry of when and how and worrying what their reaction will be. NOT coming out to them means feeling like I can never bond with them, or have an honest and real relationship. In this instance, it can be really little things that make you feel really isolated. I recall one time when my colleagues were laughing and bonding over who their first crushes were, and I had a panic between telling the truth or making something up or just pretending I couldn't remember. It's having to be on guard.

I have lost friends who I have 'come out' too - not long ago, a whole group. This was because they'd found out I was bisexual when I was with a man (who they were also friends with) and they were horrified and thought I was untrustworthy/promiscuous/would cheat/was secretly a lesbian, etc. I've also upset people by not telling them - a colleague of mine who became quite a good friend (daily lunches etc) but I'd just not felt comfortable to bring it up due to not knowing if it was okay or appropriate or not. She was really hurt when she found out after knowing me for ages, as I'd hidden an important part of myself from her, and she'd been open with me about her life.

I just feel like some kind of workplace activity like this would have made it much easier. Making it feel like a safe environment, making it feel like it WAS appropriate and okay to be open if I wanted to, making it feel like it wasn't something I needed to hide if I didn't want to.

Again, it's just nice to feel safe to share parts of yourself. And hasn't this thread shown why some people don't feel safe or confident to talk about being bisexual? Look at some of the comments!

We've had sessions at work on "being an ally" of Asexual and Aromantic people (along with the rest of the alphabet soup).

Mind you, I work for a Local Authority where one of my colleagues got dragged through the mud for refusing to recognise that another colleague's dog is gender fluid (spoiler alert. It's not gender fluid, it's a dog).

Yeah, the idea that people are announcing their sexuality at work is laughable. That's not what's happening. In most offices with core staff you just get to know each other after a while. My colleagues know my family set up, and I know theirs (how many kids, rough ages, if they have partners, partner's jobs).

Here's an example from an old workplace. A colleague was married to a man, got divorced. Started dating a woman after a year or so, a few years later they broke up. Then she started dating a man. All pretty standard, she didn't talk about her sexuality or her dating life really. People knew about the divorce because at the time it was upsetting and involved split childcare. People knew about the other people she was dating when the relationships were established enough for work socials.

Anyway, you should have heard some of the comments from male colleagues. Funnily enough no one commented when she started dating a woman, but all seemed to think it was hilarious when she started dating the man. Loads of laughing and "oh so she's changed her mind again has she", "god she just can't choose can she". The implication and tone was that she was just being silly. It was really weird. Almost like because they couldn't imagine being attracted to both sexes, they assume that she was just switching her own preferences rather than genuinely being attracted to both.

Do you not talk about your partner/husband/wife at work?

You explain it very well! Thank you for taking the time to reply and thanks for understanding.