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Affair partner lied to me

281 replies

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:16

Hi. First time posting but could really do with some advice. My affair partner of 4 years blatantly lied to me today about information that he shared with another colleague. It was to do with him asking her advice about a forthcoming (secret) interview for a job elsewhere. I said did you ask her for advice when he went to meet with her and he said no and that the meeting was about something else entirely. Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest, best friends and confidantes at work. For context, he is a big flirt, has got close to this other colleague in recent months and she has become distant with me over the same timeframe. I have long suspected he is a convert narcissist due to many behaviours and do wonder if he has moved on. I’m very much in love with him and desire him sexually - the reason I’m still involved ! Just very upset and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 20:46

TyneTeas · 25/09/2024 20:21

An Affair Partner lying is a feature not a bug

Yes, they come riddled with these features.
Completely untrustworthy, why is this even a surprise, @Midlifecrisis4 ?

He cheats on his wife with you, and he has no respect for you, so of course he's going to cheat on you in turn.

That's like buying a faulty item in a sale sold without warranty, You took a chance, and he cheated.

MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 20:46

EG94 · 25/09/2024 20:26

What goes around comes around. Prepare to get fucked. I hope it stings because it’s unlikely to hurt as much as it will his wife who has been being lied to for 4 years!!!

karma at its finest

Karma would be the married one getting cheated on, unless of course you're a misogynist who thinks women should pay for men's sexual incontinence.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 25/09/2024 20:46

If you are not a troll I hope his wife dumps him, your husband dumps you, his new bit on the side dumps him , he dumps you and you both live a miserable loveless life until the end of your days

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:46

Createausername1970 · 25/09/2024 20:20

Are you saying you are both having an affair, so both have other partners?

If he is cheating on someone else to sleep with you, eventually you will be the one cheated on, whether that be emotionally or physically. You might have thought you have a special bond, but I very much doubt he thinks so. His partner probably thinks she (or he) has this special bond with him too.

Edited

Yes I did think we were different and he was distant from his wife. Then often he will disappear off WhatsApp for a number of hours I will wonder if they are watching a film together or something cosy :-( he will then say he was working but always seems to be working!!

OP posts:
Babbadoobabbadock · 25/09/2024 20:45

Utter crack pot nonsense

Apolloneuro · 25/09/2024 20:45

This thread is really funny!

TeflonMom · 25/09/2024 20:45

Here’s the world’s smallest violin playing the world’s saddest, saddest song for you OP 🎻

dontforgetme · 25/09/2024 20:44

Jesus wept I feel so sorry for his wife and your husband.

HumptyDumptysWife · 25/09/2024 20:44

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:25

Yes when we met he had just started at our place at work having moved up on his own and was telling me his marriage was likely to end as had had affairs previously and they’d never got over it. He also told me he was asexual and him and his wife had no sexual contact at all and apparently haven’t done the whole time we’ve been together. Is this a load of crap do you think? I’m aware how naive I prob sound !!

Oh come on.

Were you born yesterday?

MamOfGirls2 · 25/09/2024 20:44

A wanker that lies on his wife in order to cheat with you is now lying to you. Fuck me. Shock. Horror.

Christmas Time Omg GIF by CBeebies HQ
Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:43

DoYouReally · 25/09/2024 20:36

Honestly OP, you cannot be this naive. Have you lost all rational, logically thought?

You "cured" his asexuality which didn't prevent him from having previous affairs either.

If course he lies to you, the astounding thing is that you think this is the first time.

Wise up. You and his wife are not the only ones, there's more and he doesn't even try to hide it. He flirts to see if anyone else will bite (figuratively & literally given his BSDM interests )

Thanks. I needed to hear this. I thought it was just us - not having sex with anyone other than each other - but I do often feel him pulling away or his attention elsewhere.

OP posts:
MixedCouple2 · 25/09/2024 20:42

Karma

Billybobbbi · 25/09/2024 20:42

I'm Irish and what me and mine would say in a situation like this is "would you ever fuck off " 🤣🤣🤣

BananaSplitSandwich · 25/09/2024 20:42

Did you seriously think that this guy who is having an affair (with you) is trustworthy?? You deserve each other, no sympathy.

Frustrated Here We Go GIF by Sesame Street
Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:41

Barbarella73 · 25/09/2024 20:27

He said he was asexual? 😂

Yes. He gave that as the reason we had to engage in bdsm for the first year, not intercourse as he wasn’t interested

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 25/09/2024 20:41

What about the duped man and woman in your actual relationships affected by this affair? Spare a thought for them.

WhosEmmaaaaaaa · 25/09/2024 20:41

So you are his free BDSM partner at his beck and call? Your reward is sex with him. Are you really that stupid not to be able to see how he is using you. He doesn't care for you in the slightest, just getting his kink for free

QueenofLouisiana · 25/09/2024 20:41

His wife deserves his time and effort, you were just a distraction until the next one comes along. Now you know how his wife will feel when she finds out what a cunt she’s married to. Like fuck he only has sex for your pleasure and not at all with his wife. I’m sure she’d be fascinated to know that g they aren’t getting on and that he’s ready to move on….

He’s a proven liar, as are you incidentally. Don’t believe any more of his sad shit, focus on rebuilding your marriage or getting out of it properly. Have some respect for yourself, your husband and his wife.

SoupDragon · 25/09/2024 20:41

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:38

😂 Yes I know !! I had the whole ive never told anyone all these suppressed bdsm desires before. I thought I was saving him or healing him or something. Of course it later transpired that he had engaged in some kink with previous partners

If your best friend told you this story as if it were her having the affair, what would you advise?

EngineEngineNumber9 · 25/09/2024 20:40

What the hell do you love about him? He just sounds shit in every way.

JumperStripes · 25/09/2024 20:40

He is probably already having sex with her or with someone else.

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:39

Createausername1970 · 25/09/2024 20:28

Yep! Hook, line and sinker.

Have some self esteem and move on very quickly.

I do have self esteem issues. He basically has me on string when he tells me if and when he is willing to talk to me or see me.

OP posts:
ThreeTescoBags · 25/09/2024 20:38

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:30

Ha. He gets turned on through sexual play humiliation and pain like spanking etc

In which case just up the ante, print out the job spec and staple his nips it. He'll soon forget about secret conversation woman.

offyoujollywelltrot · 25/09/2024 20:38

DaisyChain505 · 25/09/2024 20:36

You do realise that being asexual and being into BDSM are total contractions and opposite ends of the sexual spectrum.

wake up girl.

Actually not - there are some asexual folks who like kink without a sexual aspect. Kink doesn't always involve sex.

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:38

SoupDragon · 25/09/2024 20:31

So, you're married, he's married and has had affairs before and you're surprised he's lying to you...?

😂😂😂😂

😂 Yes I know !! I had the whole ive never told anyone all these suppressed bdsm desires before. I thought I was saving him or healing him or something. Of course it later transpired that he had engaged in some kink with previous partners

OP posts: