Affair partner lied to me

I think you need to give your head a wobble and not your arse cheeks.

OP, novel idea, but rather than being shocked that the married man you're having an affair with may be cheating, shouldn't you just step away and concentrate on your own marriage, the partner you've been cheating on for more than four years, and any children you may have?

Disgusting. Hate people like you.

Blimey. I'm glad I don't live in your neck of the woods OP. If the standard of men is so low that taking it in turns with two other women to spank some twat with ED is what passes for a sex life, then Wolverhampton doesn't seem as bad after all.

Why are you surprised he's a liar??!!!

Years ago I worked at a place where a colleague was knocking off one of the managers. We were all part of the same group who met for nights out etc. she used to tell me about their sordid meetings, how she used to jump when he called, lie to her husband about where she was going and go met with this manager (a known office sleaze!)
I remember once she was moaning about how he never took her anywhere nice, even just for a drink, but just humped in the car or somewhere outdoors. She then complained that “he treats me just like a prostitute!”
I said perhaps that’s because you’re acting like one….

So... what is it about this man that makes him your ideal life partner?

You have more power in the work situation than you think op. He had a dominant relationship with someone he manages. Usually that's against company protocol and he could be in trouble. Now he might be doing the same with someone else, and (sort of) making you look bad with colleagues? You kind of have the upper hand here op.

Haha oh you sweet naive child

You're not as vulnerable as he is. He's a cheat who can't get an erection unless he's hurting a woman. If he suggests for one minute that you're the one at risk of exposure, I would tell absolutely everyone I knew.

lol, you don't want to walk away. Pull the other one.

This excites you. I have another friend who is being played like you, and they always somehow justify it in their head that "it's a test, maybe I read it wrong, I obviously mean more to them than the other person", etc.

You're a player, you got played, so I'd avoid the nice guys because they're going to bore you, and you're going to do the same thing with them.

Stop reading into this. It will never be serious, so you might as well enjoy what you have, because you're not going to change, and neither is he.

This reminds me of the thread by that woman who'd been having an affair with a "lovely" married man for twelve years - and then, within hours of discovering that he was sleeping with other women as well, decided he must be a sociopath (yes, she actually used that word). I'll never understand it. How narcissistic do you have to be to think that someone who's happy to cheat on someone else WITH YOU won't cheat on you as well?

You may be his best friend, but he is not your best friend ~ he is no friend at all to you. Please take this on board and proceed accordingly.

😂😂😂

My first thought too

You’ve not mentioned your own partner or family at all, do you have kids op ?

I think that you are so deep in this that this is why you are unable to see the reality and are coming across as naive. I doubt you are a stupid person - you just 'think' you want this/him so badly that you'll facilitate it any way you can. To be honest you nailed it when you spoke about your low self esteem. The reason counselling hasn't worked is very possibly because you didn't want to face the truth/reality and were not ready. You have been nothing more than his toy, an object. His long texts to you and the talk/actions that bring you in are just enough drip feed to recharge your interest and keep you sweet - part of the rules of the game; nothing more; nothing real; nothing authentic - deep down you know all this. The good news here is that you've reached out to MN - you might (after 4yrs of allowing yourself to be abused) be ready to face your demons. It will be a painful road but the reward will be amazing. Good luck 👍

OP, have you ever asked yourself how you would feel if your partner/husband cheated on YOU? Do you realise that if he finds out about this, you are likely to loose everything that you actually value in life, your home, your friends, possibly even your family?

I am ashamed to admit that I was you at one point, (although not quite so naive) I was bored at home and felt neglected, no excuse, but that was behind what happened. I had more than one affair, and got away with it, but then suddenly I got caught!! When my DH found out, he was devastated, but having talked it all through, we decided, or so I thought, to stay together and give it another try. I had been lucky! Then, a few months later I discovered that he had turned the tables on me, and had an affair himself. I will never forget the sick feeling in my gut, when his girlfriend phoned one day, not expecting me to be at home, and I realised that he had been cheating on ME!! I confronted him, and he said 'now you know how it feels!' He then told me that I had killed the love that he had for me, and he was now in love with her, and was leaving to be with her. I was DEVASTATED!! All this time I'd been playing with fire, but never REALLY took on board what I was risking, just enjoyed the admiration and attention, without ever giving any serious thought as to what it would do to my DH if he found out, or what I was putting at risk. It took me years to get over what I had done, and to build up a new life for myself.

So my advice to you, would be, stop being so blind and naive, be polite to your lover at work, as you should be to your boss, but absolutely NOTHING more. Do your job, but start looking for a new one as a matter of urgency, and whatever you do, DO NOT see this man outside of work EVER again. If you do this, you may just be lucky, and not lose the life that you are currently taking for granted.

However, if you no longer want that life, then at least have the honesty to admit that your relationship with your partner/DH, is over, and let him find someone who REALLY loves him and WANTS to be with him. Then, you will be free to do whatever you like.

I legit put my hand over my eyes & shook my head. Is this a creative writing project?

Op, take lunch and leave your bank card at home so you can’t pay for his. Don’t book a hotel room. Please separate yourself from this man.

Bdsm is not asexual. Asexual is no sex drive.
Anyway, if you ever see him again, make his cheap ass pay for the room, tie him up, and let him feel some humiliation and pain for once. But really, don't degrade yourself by indulging a man who acts like he's only seeing you to do you a favor.

His Wife will have him back I guess. He is a liar and you're devastated he lied to you? Ok

Wow. Some women really are desperate eh?!

Do you have a partner you are cheating on as well?

Bleurgh. It should come as no surprise that a lying bastard is lying to you.

Bin him. I appreciate that if you’re the submissive partner in a loving relationship you might get off on some prick hurting you and making you pay for the privilege. However this shitehawk simply sounds abusive.

Being your manager makes it all a million times worse. Leave him. Leave your husband too if you like. You don’t have some magical connection to this man. You don’t have to stay in any relationship where you’re unhappy, never mind being abused and clearly about to be replaced by his new fling.

This clearly isn’t real - nobody could be this stupid.