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Affair partner lied to me

281 replies

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:16

Hi. First time posting but could really do with some advice. My affair partner of 4 years blatantly lied to me today about information that he shared with another colleague. It was to do with him asking her advice about a forthcoming (secret) interview for a job elsewhere. I said did you ask her for advice when he went to meet with her and he said no and that the meeting was about something else entirely. Devastated as whilst I know that we are being deceitful by the nature of having an affair, I thought that between us we were honest, best friends and confidantes at work. For context, he is a big flirt, has got close to this other colleague in recent months and she has become distant with me over the same timeframe. I have long suspected he is a convert narcissist due to many behaviours and do wonder if he has moved on. I’m very much in love with him and desire him sexually - the reason I’m still involved ! Just very upset and don’t know where to go from here.

OP posts:
HolyPeaches · 27/02/2025 21:54

Well you need to throw him under the bus and be honest with whoever is conducting the investigation.

It might feel humiliating, but be honest about the “affair”. Show HR the texts/messages from him asking you to sort the issue. If he’s still your manager then you were only following orders from him.

He was also in a position of power being your manager and getting into an affair/relationship with him.

Cut all contact with him going forwards. You’re doing yourself no favours. Please raise your bar and improve your self esteem.

Getting sacked might be the best case scenario for you to be honest.

Midlifecrisis4 · 27/02/2025 21:52

Any advice please anyone ? Would you admit affair at work as explanation (knowing it would end if you did that) or not ? My mind is mashed

OP posts:
Midlifecrisis4 · 27/02/2025 21:46

Yes work ones to do with IT. Yes still affair partners. I basically lost my mind and took a stupid risk trying to sort something out for him. He was texting and texting asking me to sort it for him whilst I was also covering for a colleague off sick and whilst he was out of the country on a work jolly basically - that was the reason he couldn’t sort it himself. Can’t leave now as investigations ongoing. Stressed to high heaven. He has basically destroyed my career I feel although the blame mostly lies with me of course :-(.

OP posts:
BadLad · 27/02/2025 21:45

Your affair partner has lied to you?

Affair partner lied to me
HolyPeaches · 27/02/2025 21:41

Midlifecrisis4 · 27/02/2025 21:28

Basically he put me under such pressure I feel and I was so stressed and tired that I did something totally insane and broke the rules. Worried I’m going to sacked

What did you do that broke the rules? What kind of rules? Work ones?

Are you still “affair partners?”

To be blunt, for your own sanity I think it’s best you look for another job. Remove yourself from the situation and move on from him.

Midlifecrisis4 · 27/02/2025 21:28

Basically he put me under such pressure I feel and I was so stressed and tired that I did something totally insane and broke the rules. Worried I’m going to sacked

OP posts:
Midlifecrisis4 · 27/02/2025 21:27

Just coming back to this as the context is here. Something awful has happened at work as a result of this relationship and I need some advice.

OP posts:
Kaleidoscope101 · 14/10/2024 18:32

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:29

Yup. Has no desire for intercourse but does it to please me ? He is into bdsm

No desire for intercourse........ Apart from with people he has affairs with (you and the previous affairs you mentioned) 🤔

RoxyRoo2011 · 14/10/2024 18:07

ShamblesRock · 25/09/2024 20:37

Is he called Paul and sells wine for a living?

Oh this made me lol 😂

Thirstysue · 01/10/2024 13:12

How you get 'em is how you lose 'em

temperedolive · 01/10/2024 13:12

ViciousCurrentBun · 25/09/2024 20:28

He said he was asexual, you do know what that means don’t you? I am guessing you cured him?

Do you remember that episode of Friends where Monica slept with Paul the Wine Guy, who told her he hadn't been able to perform since his wife left him? My guess is this is the 2024 version of that.

BCSurvivor · 01/10/2024 12:28

OP is also married, so while she's busy moaning about her (married) partner cheating on her, she's been merrily cheating on her own husband for four years!

MistressoftheDarkSide · 01/10/2024 10:19

Have RTFT. Dies anybody else suspect that this thread is a tester for the next phase of AI learning?

IcedCoffeeAddict44 · 01/10/2024 09:59

You are getting what you deserve I hope he breaks up with you and cheats with the colleague then your husband finds out and leaves you. You have no shame about having an affair and karma is coming to you cow.

Whereissummer24 · 01/10/2024 09:55

You know what they say about karma......

MarvellousMonsters · 01/10/2024 09:52

Why are you surprised?

newnamethanks · 01/10/2024 08:28

😂😂😂

Theunamedcat · 01/10/2024 08:19

Scirocco · 01/10/2024 06:56

Having poor taste in men isn't a medical diagnosis.

No but space and time might extricate them from the situation it's literally their boss they have absolute power and control over them at work the power dynamics are completely wrong whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation they need to leave before he boots her out

Welshmonster · 01/10/2024 07:53

You let your boss spank you! You need to get away from him as he is grooming the other colleague to replace you.

stop seeing him now for your own well being. He can make your work life very difficult so find a new job where you can just do your job.

no more paying for lunches.

Asexual means no sexual attraction to others. He has sexual attraction but just can’t keep an erection. This doesn’t make him asexual. Just a kinky perv getting his rocks off. Does he actually ensure that you have an orgasm?

this stinks of abuse of power. Think Mohammad Al Fayed

Scirocco · 01/10/2024 06:56

Theunamedcat · 01/10/2024 06:33

Can your Dr sign you off sick so you can really pull yourself together

Having poor taste in men isn't a medical diagnosis.

Theunamedcat · 01/10/2024 06:33

Can your Dr sign you off sick so you can really pull yourself together

Umidontknow · 01/10/2024 06:16

MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 20:46

Karma would be the married one getting cheated on, unless of course you're a misogynist who thinks women should pay for men's sexual incontinence.

She knew he was married she isn't innocent

RoxyRoo2011 · 01/10/2024 05:30

I despise women like you. Feelings hurt because your MARRIED boyfriend is making his latest upgrade. Do you not think about the pain you’re inflicting on his poor wife? Apparently there is a girl code but not a lot of women seem to know about it. DON’T SLEEP WITH MARRIED MEN. You’ll get what’s coming to you.

Umidontknow · 01/10/2024 04:58

Midlifecrisis4 · 25/09/2024 20:25

Yes when we met he had just started at our place at work having moved up on his own and was telling me his marriage was likely to end as had had affairs previously and they’d never got over it. He also told me he was asexual and him and his wife had no sexual contact at all and apparently haven’t done the whole time we’ve been together. Is this a load of crap do you think? I’m aware how naive I prob sound !!

😆 oh come on! So in the 4 years you've been shagging him how far along is his divorce? He's had affairs before so he is just moving on to the next, why sis you think you would be the one he wouldn't cheat on?

PerkyShark · 01/10/2024 04:12

It is 4.10am and I laughed so hard reading this I woke my husband up and had to read him some of the highlights from this thread. I mean... come on OP. Wtf! 🤣