To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

Surely your eldest son doesn’t wear things long enough or get enough use out of them to need so many new clothes? Can’t you just buy his secondhand to get more use before passing them on after your youngest has outgrown them?

Its completely normal. My DD also has to use old stuff from DS. To this day shes never had girlie pjs and shes 8. Its getting harder now of course because she wants to pick her own stuff. But i make sure expensive things like ski wear etc is always neutral, so they can both wear it.

Also when they are young they are usually really excited about this. My kids are the oldest in the family. My sister has girls and my cousin has boys at age 2-5. Everytime they get to come over to select their “new” outfits they are really proud. When they wear the stuff they tell everyone that it used to be DDs or DSs.

She could be thinking ahead to what happened with ours, we stopped buying anything for the younger ones and also their clothes weren’t always well filtered because we got so used to just grabbing the next size! After a while we realised when one of my sons thanked me over and over for getting him a new jumper and told everyone about it. Realised we’d gotten carried away!! Fine if you buy them the odd bit!

Yes your MIL is being unreasonable.

My mum's best best friend was a nanny for the daughters of an exceedingly rich family, both older than my two older sisters and me. I was at least the fifth girl to benefit from some exquisite and timeless dresses and was very impatient to grow into them! My niece who was only six years younger than I am was next in line, then her younger sister, then my other sister's girls, then they might have worn out!

Can you explain why you don't buy 2nd hand for your oldest son. My friend always had his brothers cast offs and he hated it.

She is being unreasonable. Most people do this! My 4 y o daughter has an extensive wardrobe of hand me downs from her older brother amd hand me downs from my older neices. Kids love that it's new to them, they don't care if it's not brand new.
Most things I buy come from vinted with very limited exceptions of shoes and pants.
When its outgrown entirely, it either goes on vinted, given away in a bundle on our local waste nothing page, or in the fabric recycling bank if its truly ditched I.e. stained/out of shape completely.
Fast fashion is drowning the planet.

I think previous generations have more hang ups about second hand clothes...

I remember in the 1980s my mum was absolutely horrified at the idea of second hand clothes...she saw it as something incredibly embarrassing.

Nowadays I buy loads of stuff second hand...there's no stigma.

Everyone hands clothes down between kids. What are you supposed to do? Say oh I have a coat that will fit DS2, but it'll be best for me to put that in the bin and go and buy another? I'd just ignore the comments. I wouldn't even engage with someone so thick.

My mum was brought up that you got one new outfit at Whit. For me growing up shop new clothes were for birthdays and Christmas. I remember when a neighbour had a clear out I'd get all her daughter's stuff to look through, keep what I wanted and the rest would go to the charity shop. Great!
When mine were small I'd try to buy unisex stuff then later ebay bundles. If there was something they didn't like I'd pass it on, it still worked out as about a pound an item. I preferred to work part time and do things cheaply than work full time and spend more. I'm not making anyone wear stuff they hate.
It's normal OP!

So is your oldest kid's new stuff also from sales?

At that age when they grew out of stuff quickly I bought a lot of 2nd hand for both.

DD4 loves second hand clothes, they are 'new' to her.

DS8 would never wear a hand me down for some reason but has me patch and darn his old clothes long after they are totally falling apart and slightly too small for him as he doesn't like to get rid of them.

(DD gets most of her second hand clothes from a friend and from kid2kid store as DS clothes are seldom wearable by the time he is done with them, I do keep DS coats for her though).

I think this probably nails it!!!

I’d probably buy a few new bits for your youngest son, but hand me downs are great. Wish my 3 year old didn’t have an opinion on what he wears though, he’s shown strong preferences since he was 2!!!

Agreed, I grew up poor and buy second hand designer because those items are easy to sell if you need the money back. Shein clothes etc is unsalvageable money.

My two year old son is excited to wear his five year old brother's old clothes.

If/when he gets to an age where he wants to wear 'new' clothes, we'll buy new or vinted.

I have 4 daughters and EVERYTHING gets passed down (they do get new bits too). The kids absolutely love it when I come down from the loft with an entire new wardrobe for them! It’s having to stop with my 10 year old as she has different style ideas from my 13 year old but I got a pretty good run with her!

There is a series of photos of my grandchildren and some of their cousins and friends' children all showing off the same babygro, it became a bit of a 'thing' to have a photo in that babygro.

My children still don't care what they wear at 11 and 14. Admittedly they are boys🤣 but still... And I do get new clothes from special brands/manga they like but the basics are used.

A good friend emigrated when DS was about 4. She had two boys about 5 and 7. She very kindly passed on virtually all the boys clothes to me a day or so before they left.

DS didn't get any brand new clothes, apart from shoes and a winter coat for about 3 years. Then I passed a lot of them on elsewhere.

So I have no issue with hand-me-downs. But I do feel a bit sorry for your younger one. Probably doesn't matter at his age, but be aware he might notice in a year or so, and might harbour hidden thoughts about being "less important" than his older brother. So as long as you bear this in mind and look out for any signs of him being bothered as he gets older, then crack on.

It’s a very normal thing to do.

On principle it makes sense, but it does seem unfair that your dc1 always gets new stuff (maybe gets to pick what he likes) and dc2 just gets what he's given. They're still young so not an issue now, but as dc2 gets older he may feel more aggrieved especially if they like different styles.

She is being extremely unreasonable! We produce too many clothes due to fast fashion and we are leaving the planet in a lousy condition for our children and grandchildren. My DS is happy and proud to wear things his brother used to wear! And I get some second hand clothing for my older DS as well. I can't believe people are still saying things like this knowing the state of the planet. It's one thing to buy New clothes for an adult who can keep them for a very long time. Children grow out of their clothes very quickly, It's madness to buy everything new !

Pretty much all of dd's clothes, apart from shoes and underwear, were from charity shops until she was old enough to be interested in fashion and to ask to go clothes shopping for new clothes (almost all of my work wardrobe is from charity shops so no double standards).

A 3 year old won't know any different but if your older ds gets new clothes then, as he gets older, the younger ds will want some new stuff too.

I used to get hand me downs from my mum's friend's dd. I was happy about it because they were unfamiliar so seemed new (even though I knew that they weren't). But my younger sister wasn't keen on having something 3rd hand that had been passed from the friend to me and then to her.

She'd have a seizure if she knew about me. I had two cousins older than me and two younger sisters and I can remember one favourite dress that we all wore. Absolutely nothing wrong with hand me downs. Over 50 years ago we really knew about recycling.

Not necessarily. Neither of my parents had a pot to piss in as kids and they think hand me downs are great. I agree there are some people who are as you say, but it can also imbue people with the idea that it's an easy way to be frugal.

As a GM I can understand her thoughts.....poor younger grandchild living in cast offs.

I'd immediately want to buy new clothes for poor deprived 2nd Grandchild. 😀

As a parent I used to do exactly the same as you.