To think MIL is being unreasonable and there's nothing wrong with hand-me-downs?

My daughter (6) gets loads of hand me downs from my son (9). She'll get some new stuff too including dresses etc and like you I get rid of stuff that's stained but lots of her clothes were once her brother's. She is absolutely happy with this (she'd choose joggers over a dress any day and will look forward to clothes she likes of his becoming hers) and it's a chance to talk to them both about minimising our impact on the environment etc and also a nice way to reinforce the message that all colours/clothes are for everyone regardless of sex. Most families I know do the same, I think it's bizarre that your PiLs would even comment. Ignore them!
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Tell them, if they want your son to have new clothes, they can buy them.

This is a very normal thing to do. Your in-laws are being daft. It sounds like you’re conscious that your youngest’s opinion may change as he grows, you already get him some new bits anyway and you filter out the stained stuff. Sounds perfect to me!
They’d think I’m even more outrageous, because I’m victimising 1 child out of 3 (not 2). I’ve got girl, girl, boy. So middle child gets mostly hand me downs, whilst the other two get ‘new’. I say new, it’s either sale (like you do) or Vinted/hand me downs from friends/family. I don’t make a big thing of where their clothes come from. Most of them just appear in their wardrobe. And I’m getting more and more of their books and toys second hand now and being very upfront about that, as I’d like them to see it as the norm.

I’ve 2 girls 3 years apart and did this until this year. Everything was kept. When it came back out 3 years later and was washed I’d sometimes get rid of bits than had gone out of style for example. Or if my eldest was into a particular colour it might not all pass down to the youngest who likes a different colour. But most things were reused. It was only in recent years (they’re teens) when the youngest started to have an opinion on what was being offered that I started getting rid of more. Bit school uniforms all got passed down (until the primary school changed colours 😂🤦‍♀️). My youngest hasn’t grown at the same rate as the eldest so for now she’s onto new stuff as I don’t have anything on her size as eldest jumped from kids to smaller adults and now wears the same as me - in fact she started taking some of my outgrown clothes for herself but has more recently overtaken my size wise. Lol.

At 3yo, it's not really an issue but as he gets older, he may not want hand me downs all the time but on the whole, it's OK.

I have 2 sons, both get new stuff, but yes second boy gets some of his brother's clothes when he outgrows them. That's always been the way. My youngest is a girl, I don't have anyone with a daughter older than her so she gets all new, but I do have friends with daughters younger than mine so you can bet I pop off that message saying I've got X, Y and Z, do you want? I like saving myself money not having to buy a whole new wardrobe every season for my 2nd child, and I like helping my friends save a bit of money cos children are expensive 😂

I love a hand me down. I have fond memories of my (much wealthier) aunt bringing a big black bag of my cousins cast offs. It was like Christmas. I have 3 boys (16, 9 and 8) and they have all had second hand and been happy with it. Just the other day I brought a big box down from the loft of the teenager's stuff I'd been saving and the younger two were almost fighting over some of the t shirts. My youngest (2) is a girl and we know few people with daughters so most of her clothes are new, but not all.

Yes and no.

Be careful your younger one doesn't grow up thinking he never had new clothes, only your older one.

Fine at the age they are now but please don't do it at school age.

I had 2 boys 17 months apart up until the age of about 6 my youngest only really ever got new shoes, pants and socks, with the odd occasional new item as needed.
Once they were a little older they started having a very different style, my younger one is sporty so only ever wears sports stuff and my older one who has some sensory issues over clothes will only wear certain joggers, t-shirts and hoodies so hand me down clothes aren’t an option anymore.
I just used to think the money I saved when they were little meant that I was able to do more with them, toddler music classes etc and they honestly don’t care when tiny ifs it’s new or their older siblings

My 22 yr old daughter hands things down to her 16 yr old sister and she loves it! You in-laws are idiots

You’re not unreasonable at all! My 2nd girl has always had her sisters hand me downs and now they are being passed on to my niece. Also nothing better than finding lovely bargain kids clothes in charity shops that have hardly been worn. My kids love a charity haul!

Your mother in law needs to get a grip.

My eldest daughter had a coat which she wore for one winter then saved for dd2. I put it away in the loft aiming to gift it to the charity shop but never did, years later I gave it to my sister for my niece. It was a little big but still like new and she got 2 winters out of it. It’s now 12 years old and been through 3 children. Last week I saw my sisters friend at the shop and her daughter was in the coat! I said ooo lovely coat, friend laughed and said oh yer your sister gave us it she said it was DDs. The coat looked fine and her DD didn’t know its history.

The coat was originally about £20 in this time £100+ could have been spent on coats not to mention the environmental impact.

My 18 year old son still gets hand me downs from his 21 year old brother! I love it when I give something away and I see another kid wearing it too!

I did this for my 2nd daughter.... until she grew so much they are practically in the same size... also the older one has a different style and different thing suit her compared to the younger one.

I think mil is being unfair, while you can and it works reuse the clothing. Eventually the 2 boys will want different things, save your money until that happens

Absolutely nothing wrong with hand me downs, my kids had them, and we handed things down too, kids outgrow their clothes before they are worn out. Also sold and bought on ebay. Just ignore them. Nothing wrong with second hand or hand me downs. Had some great bargains from Ebay.

Presumably the second hand items 'look' second hand and a bit shabby? Otherwise I'm not sure how the grandparents would know that the DS2 was wearing a hand me down coat unless you told them? I severely doubt they remember all the coats that DS1 has ever had.

So if they are constantly seeing one child in obviously brand new clothes and one in stuff that is obviously second hand and well used, I can see their point. It's not long before DS2 will start to be aware on some level that he constantly looks less smart then DS1. You really need to even it up a bit - buy some new for DS2 and some second hand for DS1. Or increase your standards for the second hand items, so that it is not so noticable.

Well unless she wants to pay for it all I’d tell her to jog on and keep her opinions to herself

I get the vast majority of my 6yo son's clothes from Vinted. I got him a lovely nearly new River Island winter coat for just £8! I also buy a lot of his Xmas and birthday presents 2nd hand. He doesn't know and doesn't care.

But when was that thinking ‘in’? I passed on what was still good to DS2 and my MIL would not have thought it was unfair - it’s what she did 30 years earlier! My younger DB wore anything of mine that was unisex - eg knitted jumpers as all mine were cream, red or navy, never pink.

Personally I think you're both BU

You for always buying DS1 brand new and only getting DS2 things from a sale or hand me downs. Either don't buy DS1 new get stuff from vinted, charity shops or eBay so they're both getting pre-owned or sell outgrown stuff and get both brand new. You think they won't know but trust me DS1 knows and will be throwing that in DS2's face during an argument when they're older think "mom doesn't love you as much as me off she did she'd have been buying us both new clothes" (I'm talking from experience of this with my own children)

She is BU expecting you to buy new things for both children!

Although there was a thread on her not long ago slagging off a seperated dad for giving his younger son his older sons clothes and toys once they'd been outgrown because he couldn't afford new for both kids and still play ½ the mortgage and child support apparently hands me downs showed that the Dad didn't really care and that he shouldn't have 50/50 custody because clearly he was shit and should be getting a better job to be able to afford new of everything twice!

It's the best perk of having 2 the same sex!

Passing down is just sensible!
I had four children with only a year between each of the elder three and everything was passed down (ok the boy in the middle did get to wear pink babygrows at night as a baby) except shoes. They have older cousins and a bag of stuff arriving was always exciting, so some clothes went through at least 4 of 5 children if they were great quality!
Of course they got new stuff at times, not just the eldest but it would have been insane not to reuse as much as possible.
Now they are adults and love Vinted and charity shop bargains! (As do I..currently wearing a very nice top that cost me £3...)

Indeed! As a child I had absolutely nothing new, apart from one pair of shoes and one of sandals per year. Absolutely everything else -uniform, coats, nightwear, wellies.. was passed down from my sister or cousins. Jumpers were often unravelled and knitted up again and a lot of our clothes were made on an old Singer machine.
In my experience it’s the younger mums who have a less thrifty attitude, though the tide is turning.

I handed down everything I could and also bought all the dc's clothes from eBay. They don't care at that age!! You are right.

Oh how can you stand it? I encounter wall-to-wall twats on there.