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AIBU?

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MIL and her emotional support dog

267 replies

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:45

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 26/09/2024 05:27

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 25/09/2024 23:06

She’s won the right not to have an allergic reaction. Should really be a given.

There’s these things- called antihistamines. Christ one day out of 365 for a few hours.

You can tell from the thread op just doesn’t want to host- the dog is a smoke screen🤣just own it op.

LondonLass61 · 25/09/2024 23:33

I wasn’t looking forward to it anyway and if I’m honest it gave me the perfect excuse to cancel as I’ve been trying to think how to approach it . We host every other year and it’s absolutely exhausting- it just feels like 3/4 days of me constantly cooking or cleaning up and I’d rather not anymore

So the OP didn't want to do Christmas anyway? Sounds like this has been brewing for a while...

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 25/09/2024 23:06

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 25/09/2024 18:35

Whose house is it? Are any joint decisions made? Or is it one person’s wants and needs only.
I suppose she could host Christmas but then I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to go there either.

Sounds like you’ve won either way you cut it.

She’s won the right not to have an allergic reaction. Should really be a given.

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 25/09/2024 23:02

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:45

AIBU to not let MIL come round with her dog? She apparently can’t/won’t go anywhere without him (this has been the case for 10 months now) and it is causing tension.

I am terrified of dogs and also very allergic. I hate the smell and the hair and just don’t want one in the house. We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines ‘ I cancelled it and let everyone know on the family WhatsApp that they all need to make alternative arrangements this year.

DH agrees with me as MIL only lives nearby so can easily leave the dog at home she just doesn’t like it as it’s not trained and is destructive when left alone and doesn’t have a crate. It’s more of a spoilt fur baby that she labels an emotional support dog (she just purchased the little vest it isn’t officially recognised as any kind of trained support dog)

I’ve told her not to bother me anymore if she wants to see DH / DC contact them directly and see them at her house or out

The audacity!

We have dog allergy in the house. We will never have a dog in the house because I prefer my DH to be able to breathe. Maybe your MIL should take a pill instead.

Luxer · 25/09/2024 22:59

GrumpyPanda · 25/09/2024 20:19

The days of the infamous on-board emotional support peacock are over - US airlines have been cracking down on this sort of thing for years.

Emotional support animals are not recognised in the UK. SIL has started saying hers is a psychiatric assistance dog for some weird reason. Apparently ‘owner trained’ assistance dogs can go anywhere under the 2010 equality act (according to MIL and SIL). We apparently are not permitted to question any assistance dogs who are owner trained either in the UK. 🙄

My home will remain “assistance” sausage dog free for the foreseeable future. It’s mind boggling how a sausage dog can be an assistance dog! The thing is a few inches high but it apparently does deep pressure therapy? Some people need to get a grip tbh.

Gagaandgag · 25/09/2024 21:02

The dog who needs an emotional support dog

TikehauLilly · 25/09/2024 20:45

YANBU

My MIL has a dog. An untrained dog that leapt all over our furniture and I'm allergic.

One Xmas... She had to sleep in playroom downstairs on a mattress as I wouldn't allow a dog upstairs and then my DH was a dick on Xmas day saying I was pushing her out... I wslas wheezing and removing the dog from jumping or being on my sofa so I went upstairs.

She now never comes because of me and the dog... but all I asked was no jumping on my sofa ffs the hair was everywhere... I can try and sweep the floor, hoover the rug easier.

Also wont leave it alone

People and dogs are sometimes too irrational when it comes to others.

GrannyGoggles · 25/09/2024 20:38

I am a MIL, we used to have dogs. Which stayed at home when we went out because they were dogs. Our dogs. Who else wanted to spend time with them? No one. Absolutely no one. We loved them. We love our children and grandchildren. We do not expect others to feel quite so fondly.

SFJ I hate this dog thing where they are bloody everywhere. Dogs don’t like cafes, or restaurants, shopping or having a Merry Little Christmas. They like walks and rolling in fox shit

Well played OP

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/09/2024 20:38

Good for you OP, and your DH. Have a wonderful Christmas, sure you’ll enjoy every minute! 😊

Haroldwilson · 25/09/2024 20:34

It's really good that your dh sided with you, op. Lots of mothers like this have sons who go along with their battiness.

The poor dog. She's not giving it a chance to be a dog, it must be super stressed out. All about her needs and nothing about the dog's need to play, explore, be trained, see the world a bit.

You should do something about being terrified of dogs because that's no fun, but entirely reasonable not to want a dog in your house when you're allergic.

LoveSandbanks · 25/09/2024 20:27

We've got two big dogs, one is an absolute wanker (lovely but loud and annoying). I wouldn't dream of taking them to someone else's house unless expressly told "bring the twats". Even friends that have dogs we'd leave ours at home. I can't imagine insisting on bringing it to someone's house that was allergic and telling you that it wasn't your decision but up to DH would be an instant fuck off!

wheretoyougonow · 25/09/2024 20:25

I applaud you both for not putting up with this nonsense.

If I was you I would quickly book the Christmas period away somewhere nice, if you can. just think of the money you are saving not catering for 5 other people.

GrumpyPanda · 25/09/2024 20:19

coldcallerbaiter · 25/09/2024 20:14

What does therapy dog or animal even mean?

People on domestic flights in the USA have to put up with stinky or allergy inducing animals on ppls laps due to what reason exactly?
Please don’t answer, it’s really ridiculous to even express the notion, let alone impose one. Same as the I want dogs in school and work brigade. How about I take my tarantula to their house or a restaurant and it can have a run around, it’s my pet and emotionally fulfils me, you see.

The days of the infamous on-board emotional support peacock are over - US airlines have been cracking down on this sort of thing for years.

HangingOver · 25/09/2024 20:18

Can we see the dog in his little vest

FailureAndSuicide · 25/09/2024 20:17

Luxer · 25/09/2024 18:24

My SIL no longer speaks to us as she wanted to bring her dog to everything we hosted and we refused to have a barking untrained sausage dog in our home. We have 2 dogs who behave, don’t bother anyone and go to their spots when they’re asked. They don’t jump or slaver on visitors and don’t beg at the table either. After the second time of the demon sausage dog in our home we said no more. Of course SIL was invited but devil dog was banned after nipping my heels and peeing on a rug. Stand firm OP. MIL tried to claim it was SILs psychiatric assistance dog and said we were breaking the law refusing to have it in our home under the equality act 😂.

Lol

WaitingForMojo · 25/09/2024 20:15

There’s no such thing as an ESA (Enotionsl Support Animal) in UK law, only an assistance dig which must be trained to do three tasks that mitigate a disability.

Your MIL is taking the pee.

coldcallerbaiter · 25/09/2024 20:14

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 19:40

A true therapy dog undergoes tests and is insured and impeccably behaved.

Definitely very unobtrusive and non~smelly and quiet.

What does therapy dog or animal even mean?

People on domestic flights in the USA have to put up with stinky or allergy inducing animals on ppls laps due to what reason exactly?
Please don’t answer, it’s really ridiculous to even express the notion, let alone impose one. Same as the I want dogs in school and work brigade. How about I take my tarantula to their house or a restaurant and it can have a run around, it’s my pet and emotionally fulfils me, you see.

Pluviophile1 · 25/09/2024 20:10

BeardieWeirdie · 25/09/2024 18:19

Fair play for marrying a man with a mother like this. He must be awesome in the sack to compensate. YANBU, obviously.

It sounds like he doesn't tolerate his mother's nonsense. As it should be.
But you're right. A MIL like that could well be a dealbreaker for me. Makes me feel lucky that mine is a decent human being, who doesn't see her son as her little prince.

oakleaffy · 25/09/2024 19:40

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 18:09

The poor thing is so indulged and not trained and as a consequence is a nervy barking nuisance only happy with MIL cuddling it in actual fact I think she’s the dogs emotional support human !

A true therapy dog undergoes tests and is insured and impeccably behaved.

Definitely very unobtrusive and non~smelly and quiet.

Noseybookworm · 25/09/2024 19:38

I'm allergic to dogs and none of my friends and family would dream of bringing their dogs to my house! If I visit theirs, I take antihistamines and my asthma inhaler and don't touch the dogs but it still makes me feel crap for a few days after. Your MIL is totally unreasonable but at least you don't have to have her for Christmas - result! 😂

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 19:19

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2024 19:10

Who else have you cancelled for Christmas?

MIL and FIL , SIL BIL their dc (10) and DH aunt

OP posts:
IainTorontoNSW · 25/09/2024 19:12

Don't get me started on the FRAUD being perpetrated by people claiming certain dogs or other animals are "emotional support animals".

I wage a no holds barred confrontation with the utter crap served up by the con-artists who falsely claim therapy dogs/animals.

In 2018, I went into my favourite local cafe for a couple of big lattes and a fix of morning crosswords.

About 2 metres away, INSIDE THE CAFE, is an older male sipping coffee and eating raisin toast. He has a small smelly, unwashed, (seemingly) ungroomed dog on his lap ... and he's feeding it small torn-off bits of his raisin toast.

I was not impressed. Our state and our local government area both have provisions for QUALIFIED, ENDORSED companion animals and 'seeing-eye' dogs.

The dog in question did not have a vest or harness. The clearest dead giveaway was the lack of grooming and lack of cleanliness.

Eventually the man and dog left and I remarked to Jodie, the barista that I was wondering why she had had a dog inside OFF THE FLOOR on a customer's lap. "Oh, he told me tht it was his companion animal but he had left its endorsement and documentation at home. I offered to let him sit at one of the footpath tables with his dog on the floor but he said he'd rather be inside."

I responded that the grooming/cleanliness issues were "off" ... that companion animals are normally resplendent and owners know to not have them at table level nor feed them tidbits. Jodie agreed but said, "what can I do?"

On my tablet-computer, I referenced the rules and sent them to the cafe's SMS feed.

Next day, Jodie stood her ground and told the same customer he needed his documentation and he needed to be able to say what specialist training or care the dog had. He yelled at her and told her he would take his business to an alternative cafe.

Many people just like to carry their pets around (yes ... CARRY!) and take them to cafes and shops then bloff their way along. Genuine companion animal owners, in the main, do it all by the book.

TorroFerney · 25/09/2024 19:11

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 17:49

I’m just surprised that MIL is so sure she can do what she wants in someone else’s house when it’s been made so clear we don’t want the dog here !

Sympathy, I have a mother who prefers me not to enter her house than train the dog to not jump up at me.

Nanny0gg · 25/09/2024 19:10

Moreacatperson · 25/09/2024 18:09

The poor thing is so indulged and not trained and as a consequence is a nervy barking nuisance only happy with MIL cuddling it in actual fact I think she’s the dogs emotional support human !

Who else have you cancelled for Christmas?

phoenixrosehere · 25/09/2024 18:57

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 25/09/2024 18:35

Whose house is it? Are any joint decisions made? Or is it one person’s wants and needs only.
I suppose she could host Christmas but then I’m guessing you wouldn’t want to go there either.

Sounds like you’ve won either way you cut it.

She couldn’t go if she wanted to due to being very allergic to dogs!

How is that difficult to comprehend or understand?