MIL and her emotional support dog

She is out of order, I love cats and dogs and If you visit me they are around but no I dont take them with me when I visit people, your house your rules.

Bloody cheek of your MIL! Glad you and DH have stuck to your guns regarding the dog being allowed in your home. Poor little dog must be a bundle of nerves itself.

I think there's always been people who find that caring for a dog is good for their mental health

Yep it's called a pet.

this just sounds like an excuse for people to take dogs to places that aren't appropriate

Not just dogs. I saw a "news" story a few years ago about an autistic bloke who thought that his autism was justification to take his pet cat into the supermarket. And people were actually going along with it.

(Note: I have an ASD diagnosis myself, and have known many autistic people as friends, acquaintances and family members, with many different expressions of their autism and differing support needs. I have advocated strongly for autistic people and their rights and needs, and been involved in various kinds of projects within services to drive improvement as well as some activism from outside. I still think that chap is taking the absolute piss.)

I think there's always been people who find that caring for a dog is good for their mental health but this just sounds like an excuse for people to take dogs to places that aren't appropriate.

How did she take you saying that nobody is welcome for Xmas?

I think you’ve done the right thing btw.

If everyone who had depression and anxiety needed a support dog, there'd be a lot of dogs

Fuck that, if it affects me i ask

Sounds like the dog is just one on a list of issues!

you can't ask a person that! thats non of our business. As frustrating as some peoples 'needs' are, its not for us to ask

What was the reaction from the rest of the family when you told them you were cancelling?

Is it really an emotional support dog, or did she make that up? If so, what's wrong with her?

My only criticism is that OP didn't put in the family group chat that mil had said to her!

Well done on shutting that shit right down. She'd never step foot in my house again after what she said.

I think this attitude happens a lot when a man already owns his home and then gets married and the new wife moves in. The family still think of it as just his home and don't expect to change their behaviour to recognise that it's now someone else's home too now.
But you'd think that by the time a couple has kids the penny would have dropped. Especially when it's the wife doing all the work in hosting!

Probably 9% of people think 'faaaamily' matters more than anything... the rest of us know how it sometimes works differently in the real world!

We were meant to host Christmas this year but after MIL told me ‘it’s not down to you - it’s down to MY son and he will override you on this and you can take antihistamines

Take antihistamines?! As someone with allergies myself I'd be wanting to tell her to get stuffed.
She sounds absolutely foul.
Sometimes you can't "just take antihistamines."
Ignorant cow.

Good for you OP, but why didn't you just keep it factual - plans are being cancelled because of MIL's refusal to leave ddog at home?

Asthmatic living with an asthmatic with COPD here — it's amazing how many people don't get it, and refuse to believe it when you tell them (if it's inconvenient to them).

I wish more people understood this, thank you x

Not just the short-term risk of death (plus short-term discomfort, pain, inability to participate in activities, side-effects of drugs, inconvenience of seeking further medical care if necessary, etc.), either — there's also the long-term implications.

Asthma attacks cause lung damage. Scarred lungs work less well. Lung damage accumulates over a lifetime and can result in significant respiratory disability on top of existing asthma symptoms.

surely if you are allergic this over-rides any other reasons for you not wanting the dog in your house? it isn't just the effects it will have on you on the day, its your day to day living in the house... it'll need a deep clean to get rid of lingering stray hairs etc. surely she would understand this? has she always been aware of this allergy? what do you do when you visit her house?

she sounds unhinged

Honestly after all that shit the only thing I’d be sorting out is a conversation with DH where you say to him that either he puts her very straight on her position in your lives - ie very much below you, him and the children and not a person with any kind of deciding role in how you run your lives - either she understands that and gets to grips with it or she is out of all your lives - kids included, as you won’t be insulted and undermined in front of them. And never another Christmas!

Likely the types who say “… but it’s Christmas”. 🙄

Pretty rude and unkind to expect someone who is hosting for several days to have to be doped up to their eyeballs in antihistamines the whole time to accommodate one disrespectful person who could leave their pet at home.

You should tell them to go to lawyers about starting legal action. At least it'll give the lawyers a good laugh.