Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated when people make assumptions about your lifestyle based on your appearance?

180 replies

ShadeMuse · 25/09/2024 17:28

I’ve noticed that people often make assumptions about my lifestyle or financial situation based on my appearance, and it annoys me. I feel like they’re judging me without knowing my actual circumstances. AIBU to be upset by these assumptions and to expect people to avoid making judgements based on looks?

OP posts:
Doowahdiddydiddydumtittydoo · 25/09/2024 18:24

Really don't think I should admit this but...fuck it.

I'm fat. Always been fat. Used to get very annoyed by people thinking I must be stupid because I'm fat. Don't try telling me that people aren't like that because they often are.

So, I decided to play the part when the opportunity presented itself for personal gain. Now, I get such stereotype clutching people to do what I want but leave them with the impression that it was their own idea. Then I laugh at them.

MintGlitter · 25/09/2024 18:23

I like surprising people.

Anyway it's a completely normal human trait, to look at a person and use that information to suss them out, when you have nothing else to go on.

LissaGa · 25/09/2024 18:21

If you're scruffy, overweight and a bit smelly, then yes, people probably do assume you might not be middle-class. Lose weight, have a wash, smarten up a bit and you'll be fine.

OrdsallChord · 25/09/2024 18:18

HangingOver · 25/09/2024 18:11

When I was 10% body fat often people assumed I was a runner but I was actually drug addict 😂

😂

HangingOver · 25/09/2024 18:11

When I was 10% body fat often people assumed I was a runner but I was actually drug addict 😂

ByMerryKoala · 25/09/2024 18:11

Well, yeah, of course they will look at you and form an opinion. And people will utilize this instinct to their own ends. See all of the 'how to look rich' threads on S&B.

RedToothBrush · 25/09/2024 18:09

usernother · 25/09/2024 18:07

I agree. I'm sick of people giving me their pitying looks, spare change and sometimes a sandwich whenever I sit down in our city centre.

😂

Well it could be worse...

usernother · 25/09/2024 18:07

I agree. I'm sick of people giving me their pitying looks, spare change and sometimes a sandwich whenever I sit down in our city centre.

cuddlebear · 25/09/2024 18:07

It’s part of our survival instinct so nothing you can do about it.

Do you have a particular problem?

AD1509 · 25/09/2024 18:07

Do you look particularly dirty and unkempt?

notquiteruralbliss · 25/09/2024 18:07

Assuming people dress to be comfortable in your day to day lifestyle then appearance does reflect lifestyle doesn't it? Anyone taking one look at me (unstylish hair, short nails, weathered skin, equestrian brand coat, riding tights, dog and horse hair on my jumpers) would assume spends a lot of time outside, has dogs and horses, doesn't need to look polished day to day. They would be right.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 25/09/2024 18:05

Oh good grief… of course people judge others from appearance. Including you!

SomewhereAround · 25/09/2024 18:03

Just be amused at their surprise when they discover they're wrong...?

Though I'm not really sure where you're going with this. Is it 'covered in tattoos and piercings, therefore can't be a GP?' Or #dresses in rags, therefore can't possibly be a Duchess'?

RedToothBrush · 25/09/2024 18:00

If this bothers you wait until they see you with a shopping trolley...

5128gap · 25/09/2024 17:59

I'm intrigued by what you look like, what's being assumed and who's doing it. Because you usually need a pretty strong look suggestive of a certain lifestyle before people actually assume it to your face.

EdithStourton · 25/09/2024 17:57

It happens to me and honestly, I don't care. Sometimes the assumptions are correct, and sometimes not. It can be quite funny.

Pinkchickglitterpants · 25/09/2024 17:55

My husband is much older than me.
I am mixed heritage and husband is white !

People often ask DH if I speak English !!!!! Oh where is your wife from?
I assumed they think I’m a gold digger and marrying for a passport !

I actually earn more than DH

unsync · 25/09/2024 17:52

Why does it bother you? They're nobody to you. It doesn't matter.

honestasever · 25/09/2024 17:50

How do you know they’re making assumptions?

I do think it’s human nature and essential to our safety and well being to do this tbh.

More importantly, why do you care?

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/09/2024 17:49

I mean yeah of course they do.

But this is as old as the hills. People do this instinctively and there’s not much you can do except confound their expectations and quietly enjoy their surprise.

FifiFalafel · 25/09/2024 17:47

The trick to not being upset by these assumptions is to not give a damn.

SunQueen24 · 25/09/2024 17:44

It’s human nature to draw conclusions based on our experiences and memories. Thats literally how we go about our day and don’t get ran over by a bus.

toomuchfaff · 25/09/2024 17:43

YABU to be annoyed by it. Everyone does it, there's even research that shows its a judgement made within 15 seconds of meeting you. Incorrect or not, it's human nature. Are you a threat, will you hurt or impact me, are you an idiot I need to avoid. etc.

You can however choose to not be bothered what others reach in their judgements. Why do you care? What does it matter what they think 🤔

pinkdelight · 25/09/2024 17:40

As others said, it's how our brains work. We can become aware of it and get past that snap judgement, learn to never voice it, but that's always been known - don't judge a book by its cover etc. It still goes on. You can subvert expectations and educate people but if you want it to not happen you'll just get very frustrated.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 25/09/2024 17:38

It's just part of being human. What is it that so many people are getting wrong about you at first glance?

Swipe left for the next trending thread