Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder pay after bereavement

161 replies

familylifeishard · 25/09/2024 17:27

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

OP posts:
thedefinitionofmadness · 25/09/2024 19:04

familylifeishard · 25/09/2024 17:27

Hi all, first time poster here so would appreciate your thoughts. Our childminders mum died last week so she didn’t work 2 of the 3 days my son goes there. No problem as I kept him at home whilst working. My question is, would you still pay her for those 2 days or let it go due to the bereavement. I feel awkward deducting the fees but DH says that the consequences of being self employed. She told me to take it off the monthly fee but I’d already paid it so don’t know what to do next month?! Thanks for reading and any thoughts you have!

Of course you must pay her.

Does your contract not cover this?

Channellingsophistication · 25/09/2024 19:01

I’d pay her it feels really mean not to

LindaDawn · 25/09/2024 19:01

I would pay her. This would give a lot of goodwill.

LeoOakley · 25/09/2024 18:55

So this lady who has cared for all 3 of your children, lost her mother, needed a couple of days off, and your 'd'h thinks she shouldn't be paid..

He is revolting. I truly would have major ick over something like this.

A good childminder is worth a hell of a lot more than a couple of days of paid leave.

What an uncaring, short sighted prick!

Powderblue1 · 25/09/2024 18:53

I would pay her. A bit of kindness goes a long way and she will really appreciate it and no doubt repay in other ways if she is able to.

Skipsurvey · 25/09/2024 18:53

poor woman, only taking 2 days off Sad

Elfbeth · 25/09/2024 18:50

familylifeishard · 25/09/2024 17:46

Thanks for your replies and I definitely won’t deduct her fees. We have a good relationship and she’s looked after all 3 of my DC’s. I also gave our cleaner money when we were away so she didn’t lose money. That’s what I am like and always tip in restaurants and pubs. DH can lump it!!!

Well done OP! sounds like you have a good relationship with her so don’t let DH spoil that.

It was decent of her to suggest deducting the days but very kind of you then to let it go. You handled it correctly imo

StoatofDisarray · 25/09/2024 18:49

I can't believe this is even a topic for discussion! Of course I would pay.

Eddielizzard · 25/09/2024 18:48

I would pay her. A little kindness goes a long way, and you're trusting her to look after your child. Having a good relationship is vital and worth gold

NiftyKoala · 25/09/2024 18:46

Notdeckingthehalls · 25/09/2024 17:34

I would pay. I’ve done similiar with a cleaner. A little good will goes a long way in this kind of relationship.

I would do this too.

Alifemoreordinary123 · 25/09/2024 18:45

2-3 days the decent thing is to pay and never mention it again. If it was a longer period then I would consider otherwise.

stichguru · 25/09/2024 18:45

Yes legally not paying would be fine, but it would say "I don't care about you, don't value you and you are not worth my time." In which case your child shouldn't be worth her time.

Snugglemonkey · 25/09/2024 18:45

Pleasegodgotosleep · 25/09/2024 17:31

Your husband is incredibly harsh. If I was a childminder and you penalised over the death of a parent I would give you notice.

Definitely. I would find this incredibly unattractive tbh. Generosity of spirit is really important to me.

Difficultworkdecision · 25/09/2024 18:44

I had this exact situation last month.

My childminder deducted the pay off the next invoice but I gave her the cash in a card.

Having lost my own mum, I didn’t want her to feel any unnecessary stress even if that comes with the territory of being self employed

Fundays12 · 25/09/2024 18:41

I would pay her without hesitation. She cares for your child and deserves to be paid.

Couldyounot · 25/09/2024 18:40

We had a similar situation years ago - childminder's family member had a life-changing accident and she had to close down her business to care for them. We let it go. Your husband can fuck off.

stanleypops66 · 25/09/2024 18:39

It sounds like you were able to make it work without having to organise and pay for additional childcare (so not paying twice) so I'd pay her. Sounds like you have a good relationship and it's good to have good will.

BrightLightTonight · 25/09/2024 18:39

I am self employed, and don’t expect my employers to pay me for any time taken - that includes bereavement and sickness.

The perks of being self employed do mean that sometimes you have to suck it up.

Venturini · 25/09/2024 18:39

Wow he is a tight fucker isn't he.

Tipsyscripsy · 25/09/2024 18:39

Starlightstarbright3 · 25/09/2024 17:31

depending on contract you are well within your rights not to pay … however as a previous childminder , I can tell you any parent that understood this wasn’t a planned time off would be more likely to engage in loyalty . When i gave up part of my reasons was seeing parents who just viewed it as a business transaction.

but it is a business transaction? You’re providing a service and they are paying for it…

LBFseBrom · 25/09/2024 18:39

Notdeckingthehalls · 25/09/2024 17:34

I would pay. I’ve done similiar with a cleaner. A little good will goes a long way in this kind of relationship.

Agreed.

Simone70 · 25/09/2024 18:37

God, I’m dismayed by how many think you’re being reasonable (I assume to deduct). How depressing.

CocktailsAtNoon · 25/09/2024 18:37

We paid our cleaner for the entire time she could not come due to Covid. 2-plus years in the end of £280 a month.

Because it was not her fault she could not come.

I would pay her.

Simone70 · 25/09/2024 18:36

God, I’m dismayed by how many think you’re being reasonable (I assume to deduct). How depressing.

Peony15 · 25/09/2024 18:34

Someone in a caring profession lost the person who cared for her the most.
Am aghast your husband would even think about , let alone not pay her for 2 days, under the cirumstances.
What has happened to human kindness, compassion and generosity in life, especially if you look for those traits in a caregiver for your children ?
Glad you did the right thing.