If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

I mean, obviously that's not true of all state schools or all state pupils. It's genuinely just flat out offensive and stupid.

Mine was reasonably content at private pre prep. Then covid hit and messed up a lot. She liked school but it’s hard to settle if you’re in one week and out the next.

She was then quite happy for years 4&5 at state primary, if somewhat bored, but the wheels fell off for year 6 and she was bored, miserable and lonely.

She is now at an academically selective private secondary and it’s like she’s come back to life. She chatters on about her new day and is into everything. Extended family members have commented on it, it’s that much of a difference.

It all depends on the kid, the school, the cohort, and wider things impacting on the community. Do what seems right for your child.

I mean, I will have a weird perspective because my wider family is all private school/boarding school and I went to a state school.

I went to a village state school in the middle of nowhere, ran by a hippie, no real curriculum and two kids in each year. I had the loveliest, happiest time at school. It was so much fun. Most of my time was spent out in nature, painting or writing.

My mum went to a private school and hated it (why she didn't send us), my cousins all went private and didn't particularly like it, one was bullied. I know boarders in the family who were sexually abused by teachers (so they obviously absolutely hated it).

So I'm gonna say state schools make you happier. But really it depends on the school - I have no experience of a failing City state school.

I'd say it's nothing to do with whether it's state or private, just pick a school with a lovely culture. A lot of private schools focus on academics and are less focused on a lovely, wholesome culture, imo.

My DS Loves school which is amazing because at state primary he always said he was bored. I think it helps that he gets to choose some of the activities and they do a lot of sports like surfing and climbing. Our local state secondary is huge and are lucky if they get to do PE twice a week. I like that his school spend afternoons focusing on physical learning (eg science experiments) related to the mornings lessons.

True Lana del Ray nailed in her song "boarding school"

I have one child in private and one in state. Child in private is shy and introverted and this environment works well . Child in state is more confident and robust and is thriving. The state school is outstanding, has excellent facilities and a very holistic approach to education and wellbeing. Both children are happy and their schools meet their individual needs.

It is very difficult to say as you can't go back in time and do it all again.

My sister was happy at her private school, I was happy at the state. She has been teaching in state for 24 years (with her Masters from Durham, just to counter the 'private school teachers are so much better')

My nieces at private secondary have a 40% incidence of hospital diagnosed eating disorder in their year. It's a toxic pressure cooker and you couldn't pay me to send mine there.

DD was very happy at a private school until GCSEs. Her sixth-form experience was soooo mixed; she was socially very unhappy but she got to study a combination of subjects she enjoyed passionately which aren't offered in any local state school (Classics). I still don't know whether she would have been happier elsewhere (she's now at uni and pretty positive about life).

DS has absolutely blossomed at the same private school, but he does a zillion extra-curriculars and is applying for Oxbridge. No regrets there at all.

Horses for courses, though!

Yes. Our local state school is failing and parent leaving, kids unhappy. My two are thriving at private school, they have a small class and are so happy. It’s not easy financially but worth it for us.

I just read a story in the telegraph newspaper of a girl who went to a really good private school, her and her brother were mercilessly bullied to the extent her brother hit the bottle at 15 and they both attempted suicide multiple times. Despite this she still seemed sure she would of had an even worse time in state school despite never having been to a state school so how would she know?!

Yes. Unquestionably. She was bullied and socially isolated at her state secondary school for 2 years. She was deeply unhappy and would often come home in tears. We had endless meetings with the school but it never got better. She would eat lunch on her own, spend break times hiding in toilets, stopped putting herself forward to do anything that could mark her out.

She has now been at her private school for 2 years and to say she’s thriving would understate it. She is happy, well-liked, respected and she feels able to be her fabulous quirky, geeky self. Her confidence is coming back (although the damage done to her self-esteem will take years to properly undo, if it ever will be).

I have no comparator.
my DD is very happy at private. I know a lot of kids at our catchment school and have no doubt she’d be happy there too.
The things that truly light her up though (sport and music) would be less available/expected. We made the choice due to wraparound care, and feel very fortunate that it’s worked out so well.
All schools are different though. There are almost 200 in her year group. A small school would not have suited her at all.

Yes, without a doubt. My ds was made utterly miserable at state primary over being good at maths and science, over PE, over wanting to read books at lunchtime.
I moved him to his current school where they were brilliant, supported him with PE, undid the damage, taught him to enjoy sport. He doesn't get bullied for liking maths or science, he has friends. There is no nastiness. Five years later he is a different boy. Has just started 3 stem a'levels.

It definitely depends on the individual school and the child.

DC (ASD) just stated at private school. The difference in him is remarkable. Absolutely no weigh I'd pay out all this money if wasnt making a huge difference

Did you anticipate the VAT change coming really well in advance (in time to sit the 11+) or did you manage to find a grammar that would accept them both /all into later years? Either way if they’ve only just moved it’s very early to expect them to have fully adjusted to a new school environment. Many kids in new schools won’t have settled yet.

@Palmollive Your question is too simplistic. Those in private schools are likely to be from more affluent homes with everything that entails. Surely that in itself is likely to bring happiness.

Our dc have been through state school and are both very happy. I don’t purely attribute that to their school, though it has definitely helped.

My DC attend a fantastic state school. Well behaved happy pupils. They have wonderful groups of friends. Exam results better than local private school. Pastoral staff respond well to pupil concerns

Private school no guarantee of happiness

I moved my younger DCs to a very child friendly prep because they were unhappy at our local (well regarded) state primary

Can kids in state school be happy?of course
Can kids in state school get excellent results? Yes . Mine did!
But you can decide for your child the benefits if paying are worth it. Some have moved school because were unhappy for multiple reasons. You won't know until your child is there and yes some kids in private school have anxiety or other issues. It is not a guarantee you cannot buy happiness

We’re from the north - our state schools are generally very good, especially the grammars which we are somewhat famous for. Having experienced both sectors however, my DD was certainly happier in the private one. She hated the class sizes and how big her grammar school was in general - very easy for a child to get lost in the crowd and any struggles, be that educational or pastoral often go unnoticed until it is too late.

It totally depends on the child and circumstances.

My niece went to state until year 2, then moved to private until year 11. Her best friend is the child she met in key stage one at the state school. She has one other friend that she made in year 9. She really struggled socially, as the small year groups meant there were very few children to choose from. If you fell out with one set of people, you had nowhere to go. She scored average GCSEs.

She is now at a state college and much happier. She didn’t click with one group of girls who she initially befriended, but was then able to find others easily because of the amount of choice. She hated her private school for that reason.

Yes, definitely. I also have a DC at a state school, who is also extremely happy as it is the right school for them. We are fortunate to have had the financial means to make that choice for them.

My experience and current job teaching in private schools:
>class sizes of 3-15
>Quality teachers, often with doctorates, oxbridge degrees, or subject experts
>very little instances of bullying
>quiet, reserved and academic classmates who actually want to learn
>longer holidays, better mental health for both students and teachers

My previous experiences in state school:
>violent aggressive children
>children who have no place in a mainstream school being forcibly kept there by 'progressive' anti exclusion policies to the detriment of the other kids
>little support for special needs students who can't cope in mainstream classes, again the results of stupid progressive policies
>constant disruption
>high turnover of teachers
>constant staff complaints about working conditions
>Stressed, unhappy teachers

Granted some state schools are just as good as private but they're few and far between.

Yes. I wish that wasn’t true but for my 2 it is. Sports, music, art, small class sizes. Makes a huge difference to happiness.

There's a lot of truth in that