If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

I think my DCs are happier, because of the self-growth they have seen in themselves. Their school guided them so well in personal development, not just knowledge. They wouldn’t have that in our local state school.

Other way round for a friend of mine, the child was v happy at state school and the dm decided to move then move the child to private school. She later confined in retrospect that she wishes she hadn’t made the move, it was a mistake and her child had been a lot happier .

It all depends on your individual child.

Mine is really happy at her private school because it has small class sizes etc her primary was state, 30 kids per class and really noisy. She has ADHD and ASD so would meltdown after school every day and be exhausted.

A calm, smaller, quieter school is what she needed and is thriving.

My son was SO happy at his private school. He's met some lovely people and has a great group of friends that he's in regular contact with.

He did really well academically without being overly pushed.

It was an excellent school though with good pastoral care and a lovely group of teachers. The thing with private school is that you get to choose, subject to your child's academic ability, so you choose the school that suits them best.

With state school you tend to have to just put up with the local school whether or not it suits your child.

:( very sad to see.

I have no idea whether they'd have been just as happy at state school in the end but I doubt it.

One was at state school and was unhappy there and was very happy when moved to private. They all came out of school very happy and loved their school.

But friends with state school kids also have happy kids!

One son hated his time and the other loved it. It depends on the child and the school.

The voice of reason. I guess those who are saying their kids are happier at private need to justify the spend somehow.

Not sure why I put 600 pupils; it's 1,200 😅

I have one DC at private school and yes he is happier. He has ADHD/ASD and appreciates:

• smaller classes
• less chaotic school environment (600 pupils across secondary - if he was at our catchment comprehensive it would be 2,200)
• more interactive lessons
• less disruption from other children
• wide range of extracurriculars
• good support aimed at helping him with some of the things he struggles with

People saying their sensitive children are happier in tiny classes. I don't think it's always the case. My son is very shy and sensitive. He's just left a small primary school. It was a state school but more like a village school. Small classrooms, one class per year, everyone knew everyone else. He was so unhappy there because he found it suffocating and claustrophobic. The pool of kids he could be friends with was so limited and it was hard to find like-minded people.
He's now started at a large state secondary school, and it's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. He loves being anonymous, he loves being one of hundreds of kids. It seems like he's already finding his tribe. I don't think private schools suit everyone.

This is not selling private school to me. Tiny classes full of kids that don't sound at all resilient or strong.

My son wouldn't last 5 minutes in a state school, so yes definitely happier in private. He was horrendously bullied until we moved him into an independent school. He still gets picked on from time to time, but the difference is that the present school has time and resources to deal with it. Also, being autistic, he couldn't cope with large classes. Presently there are around 12-16 kids in his classes and he's doing well.

Yes. Smaller classes. Specialist teachers. Very little turnover of teaching staff. Few disruptive kids. Lots of nerdy kids so nerdiness is not an issue. Loads of extra curricular opportunities.

I went to a below average state school and the difference is huge.

My DSC are at independent schools because their mum & dad work long hours (90+ per week) plus international travelling for dad.

My DSC are currently suffering from anxiety and the school is supporting them a million times better than the state school I attended as a teenager, where we were constantly told we were not good enough and were wrong.

I left state school in an emotional mess. The teaching was brilliant but the pastoral support to make up for my own parents’ lack of availability was utterly crap. But that is not the state school’s responsibility.

Day pupil or boarding?

I think it depends a lot on the child and the particular private and state schools available to you. My dd was not happy at her state school. It was a lovely school and i d9nt see what they did wrong but There were too many kids for her and she hated having to fight for resources, ranging from access to toys or the teacher's attention. For her it was too loud and intimidating and some kids were unkind to her (spitting at her, screaming ih her face, etc). She's August born and tiny even for her age which didn't help. Other kids who are more confident and socially more adept can thrive at that school

I don't love her private school. It's very academic and there is a lot of pressure on the kids to perform well. They ask for a lot all the freaking time and I dread how she will find the time to keep up as she goes to higher classes. However, rhe environment is much calmer and the kids are quite well behaved. She is definitely much happier there. A lot of her classmates are kids who started in state school but weren't happy there or were bullied. I've also heard there is a lot of racism in the state secondaries in our area and I don't want to subject her to that. (We are not white).

I would start with state and see if your child is happy and settles in well. If they do there is no need for private and if they don't you can move them later. None of the kids in dd's school that joined later in primary struggled to settle in and the teachers being able to help with settling in definitely helps.

This was part of the point I was trying to make. Threads like this where the majority of parents who can't afford it read, can lead to lots of anxiety. All we hear is how bad state schools are and the bullying when in fact lots of them do well. If you can afford private then great good for you, and I'm sure it great but the way people come here bashing all state schools like they are full of all the 'poor disruptive kids' is quite frankly bullying in itself. Shocking how so many look their noses down on it.

I went to a private prep school, followed by a state grammar school that was run very much like most private schools.

Hated every minute in both of them, but my parents refused to listen and told me to suck it up, basically.

I've never forgiven them for it.

False dichotomy I think.

some state schools and some privates are brilliant, superlative places.

some states and some privates aren’t that good and some are positively awful.

find the school that suits your child.

I don’t like the lack of independent oversight for private schools though. Not so much the ones seen to by Ofsted, but the ones that aren’t … hmmm.

This thread makes me feel really sad. I went to private schools and loved them. Both my sons are struggling at state primary and I would LOVE to have the option to send them to a private school but we just can't afford it. I know private doesn't equal happiness BUT small classes etc, less disruption would be so good, especially for one of my sons.

You’re asking parents who are forking out significant sums of money whether it’s worth it and of course they all say it is!

Children are not happy at school because of small classes or nurturing teachers or lovely facilities. They are happy if they have friends who treat them well. Cohort is the one factor you cannot control for and it has the greatest influence on your child’s happiness.

A friend of mine had a DS who was bullied horrendously at his elite private school. The school’s response was ‘perhaps this is not the right environment for him’. He’d been there for 5 years!

You're going to get very biaised answers here. Of course people who are spending about £25k a year on education will say their kids are happier at private schools.
My kids are at a lovely state school and very happy. I'm sure plenty of us have happy kids at state schools.

No they're not. It depends where you are. There are brilliant states and bad ones. Threads like this and the comments that follow act like there are only poor disruptive kids at state schools. It's actually really disrespectful to those who cannot afford it, as if we all have a choice to pick. I have been to see quite a few open evenings this month and though the state schools vary, and admittedly they put all the best kids there to talk to parents, the point is they do produce very highly academic kids too. I met lots of kids, sixth formers who were at their state schools all the way through, now in process of applying for RG unis etc...I met so many bright, intelligent, sociable and ambitious children, and it saddens me that in these threads people only talk of bullies and disruptive children. Of course I'm sure there are 'bad' kids too, but it's a mixture of all types. 93% of kids go to state - many of them do very well, are very wise and can deal and interact with people from all walks of life.

Focusing on happiness creates children without resilience. A better question would be, are children in independent school supported to become more resilient and able to find and create their own happiness.