If you dc is at a private school, do you genuinely think…

Which is exactly right.

It's not down to state or private, it's down to finding the right school for your particular child. That school could be either state or private as you get good and bad in both sectors. For instance I would never have sent my child to a private school that pushed the children very hard or didn't allow any individuality.

Small schools and class sizes are only as good as the friendships in it. If there are only a handful of kids you have nowhere to go or a variety of kids to spend time with if you don't like them. Especially in secondary, if you can't get away from kids that have annoyed you since 4 years old that's not that much fun. State schools are large but it can definitely have social benefits

@DoNOTShakeItOff

I suspect you live near me…

Same. We could afford to go private but our children are really happy in state schools so we are stashing the money away for their futures

My friend had a mixed private and state education and taught in both sectors and has sent her child to state school

This kind of anecdote just tells us one person's experience

My experience of private is that it was far more pressured than state in all kinds of insidious and overt ways.

I had a state education and taught in both state and indie. DC attends an indie. That says it all really.

DC has no SEN, is very well rounded and confident. They could have attended the local good state primary but I wanted them somewhere where bullying is dealt with effectively and quickly, where SATs don’t lead to a pile on the pressure in Year 6 and where they can have time off if they are ill and not pestered for attendance.

There are lots of advantages for children attending an indie but I think the happiness of the children is always priority and then the academics come second (in my experience) and this is what I value.

Not at all. My dd is at a state girls' school (Yr 10 now) and loves it. She has lovely friends and they are academically great.

You told me that a) I must live in an ‘awful’ area and b) I’ve been reading too many state school horror stories simply because I said that I didn’t want to send my shy DD to a very large primary. How on earth does describing a school as big equate to a ‘horror story’? You are very much triggered and projecting if that’s all it takes for you to insult the area in which I live, and my own research + knowledge on our local schools.

DD went to the biggest and most diverse grammar school in NI - there’s absolutely nothing wrong with big schools, she loved it, but an environment like that certainly wouldn’t have suited her when she was very young. Funnily enough in a busy suburb state schools with classes of 14 don’t exist, hence we chose a prep school.

If you have an issue with parents deciding what’s best for their child and paying to go private then just say so. Don’t masquerade it in silly rants and false assumptions.

@CherryValley5 Also, re: Triggered, again, I don't think you understand the meaning of that word either? How can my pointing out that plenty of state schools have what you're looking for and that you don't need to pay for that, be an indicator of my being "triggered?"

Somebody having a slightly different opinion to you is not them being "triggered" it's simply part of a perfectly reasonable discussion.

@CherryValley5 In what way am I projecting?! That's not what projecting means, I've never sent my child to private school and I've never had a state school horror story! 😆

Of course there are good & bad examples of both. There was a few PPs above, who were saying that they had paid private school fees IN ORDER for their child to receive "smaller class sizes, tight knit community etc etc" so I was merely pointing out that you can find that in many, many good state schools. It's not exclusive to private! That's all

There are good schools that fit a child and there are bad schools that do not fit a particular child. It’s nothing to do with how a school is funded. There are no shortcuts! You need to understand education, how a school is run and you need to understand your own child’s needs. You can’t just pay up and hope for the best. You have to be as involved as possible with your child in both sectors and you need to be involved in their journey.

Someone upthread described how their ‘quiet, sensitive and calm’ child would have been ‘broken’ at a state school

My “quiet, sensitive and calm” child has been broken at a supposedly very selective private school. Because these days they’ll let anyone in who can pay the fees and won’t deal with bad behaviour for fear of losing those fees if they piss off any parents. (And before anyone calls me naive, I went to a private school and my older child has gone right the way through. Things have changed….)

I liked my private school, sibling didn't. My kids like theirs but I have no idea if they would be equally happy in state. I'm paying for the full package- nicer facilities, smaller classes, more PE, art, drama & languages in primary, very reliable and flexible wrap around & holiday clubs. If they hate it they could move- hasn't happened yet!

Depends on the child. Depends on the school.

I went to a private secondary school. Absolutely hated it. I was a shy, bookish kind of kid.

My eldest goes to a state secondary. It's 10 times the school I went to. It's massive but the staff and extra curricular are excellent. Lots of parents moving their kids into this school from the local private school and the kids are much happier in the state one.

If you genuinely believe that spending earned income on school fees over other luxuries demonstrates any sort of superiority, you know little about class politics yourself.

FYI the children who go to prep school with mine are all working or middle class with two parents working (usually both full time). We are ethnic minority immigrants who chose the school because they guaranteed care from 7.30am to 6pm - something no state school here offers. I am yet to come across a single person who believes their child is superior just because they pay fees

Yes because he tells me, his brother tells me and the state school he went to nearly destroyed him mentally. He could have gone to another state school and been equally happy but the alternative was not commutable to fit i with work other child and had an appalling reputation.

@morechocolateneededtoday

Tell me you have a wilful misunderstanding of class politics without telling me you have a wilful misunderstanding of class politics.

Not where we are. We live in a lovely area but it’s a capital city so primaries are inevitably big and oversubscribed. Our closest is an excellent school with very good results but it’s absolutely massive - 60 kids per school year is too much at that age in my opinion.

I never spoke a word about horror stories from state schools - you’re projecting. In fact you’ll be glad to know that DD did indeed go to a state grammar post-primary which is highly renowned for being one of the best schools in the country. I chose the best option for my child in her early years, apologies if that seems to trigger and offend you.

However, it is also not surprising the general lack of aspiration of working hard to do really well in school, given there are lots of career choices offer very good life standard, which is not a bad thing itself!

how Would you define “lots”? Half of class? 1/3 of class or “1/4” of a class? From classroom interaction point of view, 1/3 would be “lots” to have a negative impact on the rest.

We are moving DC out of their private school. He is ND in a way they are not set up for and they have sent v strong message that it is not the right fit. They have v hugh expectations of v young kids and move to v formal learning and v rigid discipline fast,

My ds is much happier, he struggles socially and was getting bullied at state, there have been issues at private too, but he has found some nice friends. Dd thrived at state, she’s the sort of kid school is made for and has a great group of friends. I don’t think she would have enjoyed the school ds is in, although the prep part of it does look gorgeous (we would not have been able to afford much more that the 3 years we are funding for ds). I think it very much depends on the school and the child. DS tells me 2 boys in his year have been expelled this year, there’s a bonus that disruptive kids can be quickly removed but for those kids it must be pretty awful..

Honestly quite amused by all the posts on here, pontificating about how they're paying for all these unique and 'excellent qualities' which are all qualities you'll find in any decent state school!! All qualities which my DD has in her frankly, wonderful primary. I'd genuinely, 100% pay tens of thousands for her to attend the school she's at if it wasn't a state school and that's the truth. Really good state primaries do exist! Can’t speak to state secondary schools though as we're not there yet. However...,

As I've described on here before, I live in area populated by both supposedly highly regarded & prestigious private schools (ones which also board and have helipads.. So not your basic private schools!) and some truly brilliant state schools.

However, when taking my child to birthday parties locally or really any local event, there's always some private kids in attendance and every, single, time* I'm horrified by the behaviour of pure arrogance & lack of respect portrayed by the privately educated children. To the point where I can tell which kids are & which aren't at the 'prestigious' private schools.

Surely if they were so much better then the children would know how to behave in public and would show others respect? We're not talking your basic tantrum - after all, any parent of any standing who claims their child never had a public tantrum is lying their socks off! - I'm referring to out & out shitty, bratty & disrespectful behaviour. Pushing staff members out of the way, kicking adults as they walk past, spitting at everyone including babies & other parents, swearing like you've never heard, pushing into queues, grabbing & breaking other kids belongings etc etc. Just awful. Yes of course kids from state schools are no angels but I've personally never seen worse than that of the private kind.

Of course I'll be declared as a complete liar or that I'm exaggerating the truth by other posters on here, but all of the above is my experience and it's completely & totally put me off privately educating my own DC.

As plenty of state schools would be....