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Original poster

To be devastated by breakup text

107 replies

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:24

'Hi, I'm sorry but we must discuss this. I'll be direct, we can't continue this. I know this is disappointing and you may be disappointed in me for doing this now when you booked and paid for our holiday already, but I can't go forward with this. I have fallen in love with someone else unexpectedly. I'm happy to pay for the cost of the ticket, you need someone who can offer what you need.

This is me, not you. Don't think that. You're brilliant and I liked spending time together and chatting but we have little in common and don't need the same things. Please see my side of this and understand why I need to finish with you. I understand if you detest me for this, I would if I were you. I didn't intend for this. I hope you can move forward'

I booked a nearly £2,000 holiday for us, non refundable, including £700 for his ticket, 12 days ago.

How the HELL do you fall in love with someone else in 12 days? I also told him it wasn't refundable and that he wouldn't be able to change his mind, which he has now done anyway, because sod me, my feelings and my finances, I guess.

The holiday was planned for October. He's a nice guy but this is so...wormy. Why has he worded it like HR has just fired me!?

OP posts:
Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:22

BodenCardiganNot · 25/09/2024 14:20

I think he saw the red flags you are waving and decided to get out of the relationship.

Too much too soon? I don't mean to be so intense. I just really fancied a nice holiday after not being on one in over a year. I know it was impulsive. How can I conceal myself better to the next guy? I don't mean to wave red flags but it seems to be out of my control.

OP posts:
Lemonadeand · 25/09/2024 14:22

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Have you never been dumped before? Of course your confidence hasn’t been destroyed irreconcilably. Most people get dumped in their 20s. You wallow a bit and then you bounce back. It hurts but it’s just life.

Chonk · 25/09/2024 14:21

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 13:55

Enough time to gain an attachment to him.

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Your reluctance to give a timeframe makes me think it was only a few weeks/months at most. Maybe take things more slowly in future.

dreamer24 · 25/09/2024 14:21

Your username is pretty concerning you may want to consider therapy.

Agree with this.

Lemonadeand · 25/09/2024 14:21

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

And you say you went to Oxford??

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What’s going to Oxford got to do with anything? Lots of incredibly academic people there who aren’t so good with emotions.

BodenCardiganNot · 25/09/2024 14:20

I think he saw the red flags you are waving and decided to get out of the relationship.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:20

Zahariel · 25/09/2024 14:19

Dunno how much better a break up text can be? it was honest, direct, apologised, offered to pay for the holiday, said you were great but didn't think it was the right thing

it's literally perfect other than the fact you didn't want to get dumped?

I acknowledged that he's a nice guy, but it hurts just the same.

OP posts:
Zahariel · 25/09/2024 14:19

Dunno how much better a break up text can be? it was honest, direct, apologised, offered to pay for the holiday, said you were great but didn't think it was the right thing

it's literally perfect other than the fact you didn't want to get dumped?

Ivehearditbothways · 25/09/2024 14:18

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Over a guy you barely knew? Who is just 21 years old.

Look, age difference is fine. My boyfriend is 9 years older than me, but I’m mid thirties and he is mid forties, I’ve got kids who are teens now, he never wanted any, we’re both settled in life and career… we’re at the right stage and want the same things so the age doesn’t matter.

Your age difference was only 4 years but he is 21 and wanting fun. You’re 25 and starting to mature and wanting serious. It’s just the wrong choice.

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:18

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

And you say you went to Oxford??

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They don't offer courses on self esteem and confidence in Oxford, sadly.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2024 14:17

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

Why does your self-worth depend on whether some man wants to date you? Sometimes we aren't suited to someone. Life goes on.

You really need therapy. This reaction from you is extremely dramatic.

GalileoHumpkins · 25/09/2024 14:17

This reply has been deleted

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cuddlebear · 25/09/2024 14:16

Having read your other thread today about how desperate you are for a bloke, I do think it would be worth investing in some counselling or therapy to improve your self esteem.

Then you won’t be trying to “buy” love from the next 21 year old.

lemonvortex · 25/09/2024 14:16

BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

Edited

And you say you went to Oxford??

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 25/09/2024 14:16

It feels like he has ripped my heart out of my chest and showed it to me with the same glee an infant shakes his toy rattle before his Mother.

you’re quite dramatic OP. If you’re this intense in your relationships it might explain why you’re not having much luck. You barely know this guy by the sound of it. He’s quite a bit younger than you and not at all committed to you and yet you speak as though you’ve been married for years and he’s left you with the kids. It was a brief fling and you’re still hung up on an ex from years ago, so it really doesn’t need to be this big a deal.

Life is made up of meetings and partings. You need to toughen up a bit or you will struggle.

newfriend05 · 25/09/2024 14:16

OP in the kindest way , he wants out ! He's been upfront.. ask for the money back for the holiday, or see if you can change the name and take someone else... to book a £2000 holiday when not being together very long was always going to be risky...he's 21 ... if anything I think he's doing the right thing..

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:15

Tuddlepops · 25/09/2024 14:14

If this is real you could do with counselling.

Are you offering?

OP posts:
Tuddlepops · 25/09/2024 14:14

If this is real you could do with counselling.

Claloulat · 25/09/2024 14:14

Some harsh replies here. He's a 21 year old grown man, not some stupid teenager.

Send him your bank details now while he's still feeling guilty. Keep your dignity and don't let him see how upset you are. You'll get over him soon

Lizzie67384 · 25/09/2024 14:14

Ewww what a horrible man!! He didn’t even have the guts to tell you this in person - sending a text is so lame!! I would insist he paid his share - however, you’ve had a very lucky escape

BigDahliaFan · 25/09/2024 14:13

Actually thinking about it you are lucky you didn't end up on holiday with him and then him breaking up with you ....

Original poster
BetterOffDeadWillNeverFindAMan · 25/09/2024 14:13

My confidence is destroyed irreconcilably, my heart is broken, and I feel used and discarded like an object. I feel pathetic and pitiful.

OP posts:
Ivehearditbothways · 25/09/2024 14:13

How long were you actually with this guy? You’re not answering because the answer is probably something like 6 weeks, isn’t it?

And why is he laying the groundwork to prevent you turning up at his work to give this (innocent) woman a hard time? Are you the type to go and “start shit” with someone?

BigDahliaFan · 25/09/2024 14:13

Sugarplummama · 25/09/2024 14:01

I’m not sure if this post is entirely real but…

Are you off your rocker? Why on earth are you spending thousands on a holiday for a 21 year old that you haven’t been with for that long. I feel like no offence, this is a big life lesson for you.

Yes...this really.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 25/09/2024 14:12

ForSereneBluePombear · 25/09/2024 14:03

His words were something along the lines of ‘I enjoyed chatting and spending time together’ - you mustn’t have been with him long at all for that sort of wording, and you made a huge mistake blowing that much money on someone you didn’t know for very long. Let him pay you his half and be done with it, lesson learnt. Find someone older too.

This - he’s a kid. He got carried away with the idea of a holiday but he’s not that into you so realised he didn’t really want to go and couldn’t face telling you. Find someone else or get him to pay his half and go alone. Have a great time, talk to people, experience some fun things. You don’t need a man there to enjoy your holiday.