To be devastated by breakup text

He’s been shagging her probably before breaking up. Try and get the money. Call to see if you can change the name - likely to be a fee but take a friend or just go alone. This is not the end of the world. It may feel like it but consider this a lucky escape and dont pay out what you can’t afford to lose.

You’re rather intense aren’t you?

I saw my ex as a contemptible coward from the second she broke up with me by text. It made it very easy to move on.

You are undiminished by the actions of someone too weak to break up face-to-face. It does not reflect on you.

Yes I agree the financial offer is good.

And I agree we are making judgements on a third party we know nothing about apart from.what OP has said.

I think my opinion of him comes from a belief that when you make a commitment you should do everything you can to fulfill that commitment: whether it be committing to going on holiday, commitment in a relationship whatever. Of course things like bereavement, illness etc sometimes mean you can't fulfill commitments but I think a lot of people are far too relaxed about agreeing to things and then letting someone down because a better offer comes up, they can be bothered, or they just change their mind.

I agree with @Doltontweedle No, he shouldn't have accepted the holiday but he has clearly learnt his lesson and this is the best way he can remedy it. Really not too badly handled for his age. plenty of chancers would have taken the holiday and gone cold afterwards so I don't think this is hugely a comment on his character. I think the OP jumped in too quickly offering to pay which is the main point.

He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

Realistically, we don't know any of that at all. It is all just wild speculation and assumption on your part.

We don't know how long they were seeing each other in total. We don't know how and when the holiday was put forward. We don't know what happened between them in the interim.

What we do know is he has tried his best to break it off with OP in a gentle and respectful fashion, and has offered to pay for his half of the holiday - which is very decent of him.

I agree with you about the financial aspect.

But. He is an adult - not much younger than OP herself. He agreed to the holiday. He knew it was a financial and emotional commitment. So to pull out in this way, to let someone down, is a hurtful thing to do. He must have known when the matter of the holiday came up he was ambivalent in his feelings for OP but he didn't have the decency to be honest.

He could be a lovely guy. The fact is that he’s extremely young and immature, and the op met him so recently that’s she’s too embarrassed to tell us how long they’ve actually known each other before she’s spent thousands on a holiday. He’s agreed to a holiday that the op wanted and booked and paid for, but now he’s changed his mind about the relationship. That’s allowed. He’s sensibly ended things and offered to cover the cost of his ticket. What was the alternative? Do people on here think it would be better for him to get his holiday first and then break up with her after? I know which scenario I think makes him sound like not a ‘nice guy’. As for the people saying he should be covering the cost of the whole holiday, I know what judge Judy would be making of that seeing as this was ‘relationship money’ that she stupidly spent while they were together. At this point I’d be grateful for his half of the costs which he’s offered, and take this as a lesson learnt

He's not a nice guy.

Yes it's a hurtful thing he has done.

But you are young. You have a lot going for you - your education, your job etc. Focus on the positives in your life.

Try and take some time out from looking for a man and try and focus on yourself and what makes you happy. You don't need a man to make you complete.

This and learn from it going forward.

Just reply with your bank account details and then try and forget about him.

Come on, chin up. Nothing enduringly bad has happened. He had enough decency to let you know he wanted to end things even if he didn't go about it perfectly. You have a fab holiday booked. You've learnt the tough way not to try and buy affection or be over generous at am inappropriately early stage (whichever this was, be honest with yourself).

Some of my most painful breakups have been the shortest ones with potential as you're getting over the potential rather than anything real, but once you realise that you can move on quite fast.

However, what's this about high and low value people? What does that mean to you and where has it come from?

Clock it up to experience, go on your holiday and have a lovely restful break and then move on. Most people won't have met their future husband/wife by the age of 25. You never know who is round the corner. Maybe even on your holiday..

I’ve got to add to what other people are saying, OP, sorry. You attached yourself to a much younger man- 4 years is 20% of his life!- and very quickly fell for him very hard, apparently based on not all that much, and threw a lot of money into trying to create a real life romance to match the one you had conjured in your head. Is he very good looking, by any chance? Because it all sounds very much as though you fell in love with the idea of being in love and projected it all onto this guy who wasn’t right for you. It isn’t a recipe for happiness or self respect, and if you keep repeating this pattern, the older you get, the worse it will be.

It's not a nice situation but if this is genuinely one of the worst days of your life then you have had an extremely untroubled life. This is just a shitty breakup.

OP.

I mean this kindly.

Splashing £2k on someone you have just met comes across as trying to buy their affection. Coupled with your other thread, the armchair psychologist in me thinks you have massively low esteem, as a minimum.

Honestly I think you need to take yourself off Mumsnet, go on that holiday on your own and do some thinking. Seek some professional help.

I am sorry you are having a bad time, but until you take a long hard look at your behaviours, you will just continue the cycle.

I mean this in the nicest possible way... pull yourself together. Its just a boyfriend and you're 25. It's a minor inconvenience in your life. You aren't married with kids and now a struggling single mum with no idea how you'll pay the rent.

Reply "thanks for your honesty. Please transfer £X by Friday. Wishing you the best."

With respect, you need to build your self esteem so you don't attract bad men. You can control that.

Why aren't you answering how long you've been together?!

This is madness, the desperation is oozing out of your posts.

OP he is 21. Come on. He was hardly likely to be the love of your life and it looks very much like you got way too serious, way too quickly and completely scared him off.

you must be so bored and lonely OP

that is a thread in itself

perhaps head to the Mental Health chat? 💐

Sorry Op but it really does seem that you're very intense and maybe pressured him to agreeing a holiday. He shouldn't have agreed but you booked and paid for it probably hoping he'd come around to the idea. I can't say I blame him sending you a text message, he probably thought that you would get hysterical. You sound suffocating tbh.

What about how, on your other thread which you posted less than 10 minutes after this one, you referred to the great love of your life (not the 21 year old bartender) being a "high value" man?

I was going to say 6 weeks 👀😂