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Original poster

Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated

139 replies

Gorton · 25/09/2024 12:52

We climbed the arc de triomphe with my 1 yo. I very light heartedly told my dh (child’s father) “please be careful, don’t drop my child” as we were walking down. In response dh said “OUR child will be fine” or something similar.

Dh basically ignored me for the rest of the day.

Who was in the wrong?

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 25/09/2024 15:08

Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:05

Btw these are the stairs. I made the comment out of fear when we started the descent. (Google image)

Edited

But again, from his view, your comment wasn't helpful, was it? He was the one trying to walk down them with a toddler, he didn't need you to tell him not to drop her - it comes across like you don't think he can be trusted.

sandyhappypeople · 25/09/2024 15:08

Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:01

What do you mean?

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You keep saying MY daughter/child, not OUR?

Do you know why you do that?

DonnaBanana · 25/09/2024 15:07

You seem to be missing the point, it's not ridiculous to stress safety somewhere like that, but the way you put it seems to be particularly galling to him. He's really the person you should be talking to here.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/09/2024 15:07

Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:01

What do you mean?

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Ok, we all know that parenting a one year old but can be challenging and stressful... but in the post above you again used the phrase my daughter. That is what I mean.

PinkStringofHearts · 25/09/2024 15:06

Storybot · 25/09/2024 14:41

Good grief, Op clearly said it was light hearted. Do MNetters really never joke with their husbands? Bloody miserable lot

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You don't joke about sensitive things though do you? If this is a pattern, the OP treating her husband like he doesn't care for their dd as much as she does or acting like he might hurt her, then it doesn't become a joke anymore.

Without knowing what their relationship is like it is impossible to say whether her dh over reacted or this is a pattern of behaviour that the OP has where she infantalizes her husband and treats him as an unequal parent.

Original poster
Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:05

Btw these are the stairs. I made the comment out of fear when we started the descent. (Google image)

Saying please don’t drop daughter caused resulted in silent treated
OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 25/09/2024 15:03

Looking at it from DH's viewpoint, he was concentrating on carrying a wriggly toddler down some steep stairs, and you made an unhelpful comment about not dropping her - he probably felt a bit patronised and like he couldn't be trusted, especially as you called her "my daughter".

He shouldn't be sulking for hours over it, but I can understand why it pissed him off.

topchef1 · 25/09/2024 15:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:01

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/09/2024 14:59

Blimey! You're at it again!

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What do you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Gorton · 25/09/2024 15:01

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/09/2024 14:58

So, not light hearted at all then?

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Okay maybe I’ve used or interpreted the word light hearted incorrectly. To me it was light hearted as I didn’t say it cynically. Ie as a nagging command. It was almost blurted out like “please protect daughter” - that was the emotion behind it.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 25/09/2024 15:01

What a dick for letting a comment that you apologised for ruin the whole day. Sulking on a day out is pathetic.

Everyone saying 'you undermined him' etc, if your DP made such a comment would you sulk for the rest of the day?

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/09/2024 14:59

Gorton · 25/09/2024 14:57

Dh carried my daughter the entire way up the stairs. A one yo is not capable of making the climb

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Blimey! You're at it again!

WetBandits · 25/09/2024 14:59

Gorton · 25/09/2024 14:57

Dh carried my daughter the entire way up the stairs. A one yo is not capable of making the climb

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And again! I think you probably do it all the time, as you’ve done it without realising several times just on this thread.

AlecTrevelyan006 · 25/09/2024 14:58

Gorton · 25/09/2024 14:38

Light hearted in so much that I wasn’t commanding dh. Or giving strict instructions.

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So, not light hearted at all then?

WetBandits · 25/09/2024 14:58

Gorton · 25/09/2024 14:09

It wasn’t said as a joke. I started to walk down and got a touch of vertigo given how steep and tight the space was. It just sort of came out like “omg, keep my baby safe”.

I apologised. We do unfortunately bicker more these days. We never did pre parenthood.

You said it ‘lightheartedly’, but it wasn’t a joke? Hmm

Also you started your OP by calling her ‘MY 1yo’, so I suspect you probably do that a lot more than you realise, and your DP has had enough of it.

I’d also hate it if my DP felt the need to remind me not to do something I had no intention of doing, it’s very infantilising.

Original poster
Gorton · 25/09/2024 14:57

Crunchymum · 25/09/2024 14:55

Are 1 year old's allowed to climb the Arc de triomphe?

Dh carried my daughter the entire way up the stairs. A one yo is not capable of making the climb

OP posts:
sunsetsandboardwalks · 25/09/2024 14:56

Storybot · 25/09/2024 14:41

Good grief, Op clearly said it was light hearted. Do MNetters really never joke with their husbands? Bloody miserable lot

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She's now said it wasn't a joke.

Crunchymum · 25/09/2024 14:55

Are 1 year old's allowed to climb the Arc de triomphe?

sandyhappypeople · 25/09/2024 14:53

I must admit though, I have done this before, we live on a steep hill and walking home with our (then) baby in a pushchair I had to say to my dh "please don't let go of the pushchair".

I'm not sure what prompted me to say it, I was playing it over in my mind what would happen and would I be too late to grab it, I really struggled with intrusive thoughts like that for quite a while after she was born and on this occasion it just slipped out.

He didn't react though, I think he made a little joke about her "getting home before us" etc, I think he realised it came from anxiety rather than me actually doubting his ability to push a pushchair, so didn't make a fuss over it.

But I never used to undermine him and I would never have said MY daughter when talking about our daughter either, there's obviously a bit of back story missing here.

Itisjustmyopinion · 25/09/2024 14:51

We do unfortunately bicker more these days. We never did pre parenthood.

Well it’s no wonder if you treat him like he can’t parent. What on earth did you think he was going to do walking down the stairs? If it was such a bad staircase he was probably concentrating and comments like yours was not helpful

And if this is a regular thing then regardless if it was meant to be lighthearted it won’t be taken that way.

CustardySergeant · 25/09/2024 14:46

Storybot · 25/09/2024 14:41

Good grief, Op clearly said it was light hearted. Do MNetters really never joke with their husbands? Bloody miserable lot

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She said it wasn't a joke.

angellinaballerina7 · 25/09/2024 14:46

It was an irritating comment, so he’s not unreasonable to have made a snarky one back. The silent treatment seems to be a bit of an overreaction but maybe there’s more to it - has he dropped the kid before?

kitsuneghost · 25/09/2024 14:43

How would you feel if he said, for example, could you watch my daughter while I nip to the shop.

Storybot · 25/09/2024 14:41

SonicTheHodgeheg · 25/09/2024 13:05

Sounds like both are unreasonable unless you forgot some important info like he was on crutches. Did you think that he was going to drop her? Has he dropped her before ?

Edited

Good grief, Op clearly said it was light hearted. Do MNetters really never joke with their husbands? Bloody miserable lot

Happyher · 25/09/2024 14:39

You might have sown seeds of doubt in him that he is the father