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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to wash my clothes with his streaky underwear

107 replies

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 09:23

My DH has a very relaxed attitude to leaving poo streaks in his underwear. It gives me the ick, and early on in our marriage it did upset me to be responsible for washing them and seeing all the streaks.

I told him this and asked him if he could please do his underwear himself and do it separately from the rest of the wash. (Or do a better job of not leaving streaks - up to him really.) I just don't like the idea of my clothes being washed in water that has poo in it.

As DS (16/ SEND) got older and does much the same, I showed DS how to wash his own underwear using bio detergent, and told him to add his dad's at the same time.

All was working well and I didn't even check anybody's underwear and felt much better about the state of the laundry generally.

However I've noticed recently a load of washing that had my clothes and DH's underwear all mixed in. It's very nice of DH to do my washing but I don't expect him to, and it's definitely hard to feel grateful when I think about my clothes being contaminated by his pants. 🤢

I don't know what the science is about this and wondered whether Mumsnetters would have a view.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cynic17 · 25/09/2024 10:52

Nothing is "contaminated", OP - all clothes are in there with a load of soap, so everything is clean! I really don't see the issue.

aurynne · 25/09/2024 10:50

I could never in a million years look at a man who leaves streaks of faeces on his underwear and feel any kind of sexual attraction. In fact, I'd gag.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2024 10:50

Why can’t a grown man wipe his arse properly?

broccolienthusiast · 25/09/2024 10:48

You willing married and had sex with someone who can’t be bothered to wipe their own arse? 😖

LostTheMarble · 25/09/2024 10:45

FlingThatCarrot · 25/09/2024 09:57

Why haven't you taught your son how to properly clean himself? That's neglect! My 4yo can keep his bum clean.

You've completely normalised filthy hygeine by having him do his dad's too. All I can think is your towels and bed and sofa, yuck, must be poo particles everywhere.

Oh sod off. I still have to help my children who have SEN like the OP’s son and they’re both well into primary. Don’t need judgement from people like you, it’s a bloody tough journey helping our children to manage self care.

Your husband is another matter, op. By now he should understand that it’s unhygienic and seriously unattractive. It’s not ‘nice’ for your husband to do the washing, he’s an adult who needs to be doing it properly. Is there any reason why he is so poor with hygiene and household stuff?

Original poster
Safirexx · 25/09/2024 10:41

JerryCanDo · 25/09/2024 09:28

I mean there is no reason to have streaks, and both your DH and DS need to improve their hygiene.
But YABU about the washing, the whole point is it's being washed. It's clean. If it gives you the ick though do something about it - do your own washing!

Maybe I didn't make it clear that I DO do my own washing. I'm not sure how my clothes ended up in his wash and I can only assume he needed to make up a load and didn't mind doing some of my laundry for me - part of why I say he clearly takes a more relaxed attitude to this than I do.

OP posts:
hildabaker · 25/09/2024 10:32

I have to say that OP is not alone, I too had a 'D' H who apparently was incapable of wiping his own arse properly.

We are divorced now and I am a happy woman.

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 25/09/2024 10:25

This reply has been deleted

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pinkyredrose · 25/09/2024 10:24

Jesus can't he wipe his arse properly?

K0OLA1D · 25/09/2024 10:22

The problem here is the men in your life. They need to learn how to wipe their arse properly.

There is no reason for shitty underwear unless there are medical reasons. Are there medical reasons? My nan has IBS and she doesn't have shitty pants on the regular like this.

Thevelvelletes · 25/09/2024 10:19

That turned my stomach

79pinkballoons · 25/09/2024 10:18

Everything that goes into your washing machine should come out clean so that wouldn't bother me.

I don't understand how you can be happy to be intimate with a man who can't be bothered to clean his arse.

mummybear945 · 25/09/2024 10:13

Is it possible that he has a problem, a tear or something down there? I don't think it's normal for a grown man to have streaky underwear unless there is something wrong.

Thistooshallpass24 · 25/09/2024 10:11

Does no-one pass comment about your partner smelling? Imagine having to work with him?! , you (& family im guessing) must be nose blind to him
Do none of his mates not say
" Dave mate you stink"?!

YouveGotAFastCar · 25/09/2024 09:59

That is absolutely foul.

Honestly, I can't believe you live with someone who won't even correctly clean their own arse. How? Why?

I wouldn't want his clothes with mine but I also wouldn't want him with me at all, if he's not washing his arse, he's not cleaning his hands or anything else properly either, is he? Grim.

beezlebubnicky · 25/09/2024 09:59

Christ, get him to use wet wipes or a bidet.

Never noticed any in my husband's pants and he always showers after going to the loo, but I did get him into using wet wipes early in dating as he didn't initially use them.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 25/09/2024 09:58

templesavage · 25/09/2024 09:48

I would divorce a man that couldn't wipe his own arse

Basically

This is not a cross all women bear.

TheNoodlesIncident · 25/09/2024 09:58

I applaud your decision to train your DS to do his and his father's stinking laundry, but why haven't they simply learned to clean their bums thoroughly after pooing? Isn't that the first thing to address before resigning yourself to separating laundry into normal soiling <cough> and noxious soiling?

Get those toilet wipes and a bathroom bin with close fitting lid, if you don't already, and tell them to scrub their backsides better in future. I wouldn't have let my DS grow up thinking poo stained grundies is normal and OK.

FlingThatCarrot · 25/09/2024 09:57

Why haven't you taught your son how to properly clean himself? That's neglect! My 4yo can keep his bum clean.

You've completely normalised filthy hygeine by having him do his dad's too. All I can think is your towels and bed and sofa, yuck, must be poo particles everywhere.

Thistooshallpass24 · 25/09/2024 09:53

Why can't your husband wipe his bottom?
Maybe ask your mother in law if she didn't potty train him? Obviously whilst he's there
Utterly grim.

Samesame47 · 25/09/2024 09:52

Are you married to Jim Royle? I don’t understand why a grown man can’t clean their bum, absolutely vile. I wouldn’t want my clothes washed it shit either so YANBU

AAudreyHorne · 25/09/2024 09:49

I was feeling really sad about my marriage breakdown this morning.

But your thread has just reminded me that I no longer have to deal with my STBXH disgusting poo streaked undies anymore, and suddenly I feel better.

Thank you OP.

GogAndMagog · 25/09/2024 09:49

@icouldholditwithacobweb I'm agreeing with!

templesavage · 25/09/2024 09:48

I would divorce a man that couldn't wipe his own arse

GogAndMagog · 25/09/2024 09:47

Agreed.

Soiled underwear is for toddlers learning how to go to the toilet.

Do you still have sex with him? 🤢