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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want DH to wash my clothes with his streaky underwear

107 replies

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 09:23

My DH has a very relaxed attitude to leaving poo streaks in his underwear. It gives me the ick, and early on in our marriage it did upset me to be responsible for washing them and seeing all the streaks.

I told him this and asked him if he could please do his underwear himself and do it separately from the rest of the wash. (Or do a better job of not leaving streaks - up to him really.) I just don't like the idea of my clothes being washed in water that has poo in it.

As DS (16/ SEND) got older and does much the same, I showed DS how to wash his own underwear using bio detergent, and told him to add his dad's at the same time.

All was working well and I didn't even check anybody's underwear and felt much better about the state of the laundry generally.

However I've noticed recently a load of washing that had my clothes and DH's underwear all mixed in. It's very nice of DH to do my washing but I don't expect him to, and it's definitely hard to feel grateful when I think about my clothes being contaminated by his pants. 🤢

I don't know what the science is about this and wondered whether Mumsnetters would have a view.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 25/09/2024 11:45

Tell you husband to stop doing your laundry and to learn how to wipe his fucking arse.

MutleyCrew · 25/09/2024 11:42

I sympathise on the separate was, OP, I don't view a 40' wash as biologically clean, i.e sterile -which is what I would want shitty pants to be. And I would want him to use that Dettol laundry sanitiser in the machine.

I hope he has a really good shower before he comes to bed. But how can you trust someone with his yuk habits to even shower thoroughly?

rainfallpurevividcat · 25/09/2024 11:41

I sometimes have poo and blood streaks in my underwear. If I've leaked during a period I give my pants a quick wash in the sink, but otherwise just chuck it all in the washing machine.

FuckMiniBabybells · 25/09/2024 11:41

Have a bidet attachment fitted to the toilet, or buy a bottle so they can keep themselves clean. Your son obviously gets a pass, but there's absolutely no excuse for you husband to be walking around in skidmarked pants.
I can practically hear my grandmother's hands wringing from beyond the grave and asking "what if he got hit by a bus"

To answer your original op... no yanbu to not want your clothes washed along with shit stained pants. But this is no way to live.

thursdaymurderclub · 25/09/2024 11:40

rather than showing a grown adult and your DS how to wash their dirty underwear, would your energy not have been better placed to teach the pair of them how to clean themselves after using the toilet thus negating this need to wash underwear separately?

NoSnowdrop · 25/09/2024 11:39

This reply has been deleted

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Stompythedinosaur · 25/09/2024 11:38

I can't really get passed a grown adult man being relaxed about having shitty pants!

Is it a medical issue? My dp has Crohns so I have sympathy if it's something like that, but why doesn't he use pads? Has he seen a GP?

Boidont · 25/09/2024 11:38

😬

Judge Judy Reaction GIF
Anicecumberlandsausage · 25/09/2024 11:34

Nothing to add, but

I Feel Sorry For You Glaad Media Awards GIF by Glaad
Coruscations · 25/09/2024 11:32

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 11:01

Thank you. Having a child with SEN seems to be an unimaginable experience for those who don't.

Tbh DH's standards of cleanliness are off the charts better than mine, he's neat and tidy, picks up after me and the kids, very organised, manages his own laundry perfectly as well as the household linen - it's just this one thing, believe it or not. Which is why my solution was just to separate the offending articles. I can't understand it.

Show quote history

But "this one thing" is quite a big thing. As someone else has pointed out, I struggle to understand how you could share a bed with someone who doesn't wipe properly. Have you ever suggested to him that he could try harder?

Maybe you need something like this - https://handbidet.co.uk/product/bidet-sprayer

LlynTegid · 25/09/2024 11:31

Ugh.

Agree with those who wonder why you accept this behaviour. Wiping yourself a second time is not a difficult and time consuming thing to do.

Berlinlover · 25/09/2024 11:28

Cynic17 · 25/09/2024 10:52

Nothing is "contaminated", OP - all clothes are in there with a load of soap, so everything is clean! I really don't see the issue.

I wouldn’t want my clothes whirling around in shit.

NumberNotRecognised · 25/09/2024 11:24

Pants are washed separately on a 60 degree wash in this house. Even posh pants. Wouldn’t feel they were sanitised on a lower temp.

Thankfully my DH comes from a country where washing your bum after pooing was ingrained from childhood and I couldn’t imagine living with someone who walked around with a pooey bum, let alone share a bed or have sex with them. None of my 3 DSs leave poo streaks either.

Your DH and DS are obviously not wiping at all OP as there must be quite a bit of poo left on their bum for it to cause streaks. I’d be reading them both the riot act and putting very visible signs up in the toilet right in front of where they face in the loo saying ‘WIPE YOUR BUM!’. No excuse for it.

Notaflippinclue · 25/09/2024 11:21

Mine is a builder so have always washed everything of his separately-his pants are fine it's his sweaty socks give me the willies!

Thisthere · 25/09/2024 11:07

From my experience cleaning hotel rooms, this is not an uncommon situation 🤢 see also: toilet seats covered in what I can only describe as ‘poo dust’! Op I wouldn’t want shat pants to go in with my laundry either!

Anywherebuthere · 25/09/2024 11:05

Gross.

It's unreasonable to even live with a man with such poor hygiene, let alone wash the clothes together.

DamnUserName21 · 25/09/2024 11:03

I agree needs separating. Can you imagine washing with towels and tea towels on 30 degree wash? Unsanitary.

To be frank, your DH and DS need to address their personal hygiene...

Itsgettingbettetman · 25/09/2024 11:03

As a man I've never had skids except for a bout of the squits. I use baby lotion when I wipe, the thought of walking round with a shitty arse makes me want to heav. Disgusting

Invest in baby lotion and make them use it.

K0OLA1D · 25/09/2024 11:02

Safirexx · 25/09/2024 11:01

Thank you. Having a child with SEN seems to be an unimaginable experience for those who don't.

Tbh DH's standards of cleanliness are off the charts better than mine, he's neat and tidy, picks up after me and the kids, very organised, manages his own laundry perfectly as well as the household linen - it's just this one thing, believe it or not. Which is why my solution was just to separate the offending articles. I can't understand it.

Show quote history

But why?!? Why does he have literal shit in his pants so often?

Original poster
Safirexx · 25/09/2024 11:01

LostTheMarble · 25/09/2024 10:45

Oh sod off. I still have to help my children who have SEN like the OP’s son and they’re both well into primary. Don’t need judgement from people like you, it’s a bloody tough journey helping our children to manage self care.

Your husband is another matter, op. By now he should understand that it’s unhygienic and seriously unattractive. It’s not ‘nice’ for your husband to do the washing, he’s an adult who needs to be doing it properly. Is there any reason why he is so poor with hygiene and household stuff?

Show quote history

Thank you. Having a child with SEN seems to be an unimaginable experience for those who don't.

Tbh DH's standards of cleanliness are off the charts better than mine, he's neat and tidy, picks up after me and the kids, very organised, manages his own laundry perfectly as well as the household linen - it's just this one thing, believe it or not. Which is why my solution was just to separate the offending articles. I can't understand it.

OP posts:
Onand · 25/09/2024 11:01

My god

BeautyPageantDropout · 25/09/2024 11:00

It wouldn't bother me my clothes being washed in with someone's dirty underwear.

It would MASSIVELY bother me being married to someone who didn't know, or didn't care, how to clean shite from his arse though. Fucking revolting.

rumred · 25/09/2024 11:00

He won't wipe his own arse properly. I'm flabbergasted.

Disturbia81 · 25/09/2024 10:56

icouldholditwithacobweb · 25/09/2024 09:44

But why the fuck does your DH - a grown man - feel the need to walk around with an arse that is SO shitty he's leaving shit streaks on his underwear?? This is beyond disgusting, and so unnecessary. And if he is that lax about something as simple as wiping his arse, does he wash his hands after going to the bathroom, or does he merrily spread those germs around everywhere too? Fucking rank.

Exactly, I haven't had shit stains since I was a kid learning how to wipe.
I wouldn't be able to have sex with a man like this

Original poster
Safirexx · 25/09/2024 10:55

This reply has been deleted

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I absolutely am not! It's bothered me but it just isn't the sort of thing I've felt able to bring up to friends or family. I've heard other people talk about dealing with it so I know this is not an isolated incident.

DS is dyspraxic among other SEN issues so I can understand his manual dexterity difficulties. I've done as much reinforcement as I can about good washing and effective cleaning, the wipes are right there by the loo. Short of going in and doing the wiping myself I feel I've done all I can reasonably be expected to do. As I say it's been a while since I've gone inspecting underwear so I'm hoping they're both doing a better job with it.

All the other questions and comments about my relationship with DH are noted and valid, I suppose they were to be expected, but I won't be addressing them as that's not what I'm asking, but thanks for the POVs shared anyway - very interesting to hear others' thoughts.

Let me put this another way - for those who use reusable towels instead of toilet paper, would you wash them with any other kind of clothing?

OP posts: