First, a child is not allowed to have a blood test without a parent/carer present. We've tried me being out of sight and uninvolved. He says this makes it worse.
Second, he has always been uncomfortable with needles but managed when necessary, because we've always been matter of fact, truthful and positive with our kids. This reaction only happened over this particular blood test, which is due to a referral from an optician who said (in front of him) that he had a serious concern about diabetes. I saw the fear set in. And yes, I am furious with that optician while being glad he acted on his concerns.
I understand that there are people who see personal weakness as a failure or character defect. I don't see human beings that way so will respectfully disagree with those who think he should just get on with it.
We've tried me being out of sight, uninvolved, fully involved, cheerful, chatty, stern, commanding, loving, supportive - we are an emotionally intelligent family and all understand we need different support in different situations. I've always taken guidance from the phlebotomists about whether what I'm doing helps.
We've tried self-hypnosis, breathing exercises, mindfulness and affirmations, all of which have been helpful but not enough to convince him he'll ever be able to do it.
Thanks for the positive suggestions and support - I will certainly be pushing for support from the gp or a referral, but meanwhile we are so worried about untreated diabetes. He knows that, how could he not, even though we have talked about how we will cope whatever we learn.
It's really hard to love him through this, which he obviously needs, when I'm so frustrated and worried. I feel like it's my fault that he can't do this because I have failed him. I do know that is illogical and not factual.