To not want to give NRP every weekend contact

I would suggest to your ex that you build up to it - put a timetable in place - a couple of weeks of two nights, then three nights, then the full plan. Don't drag it out, but he needs to know that he will come back.

A visual timetable will help as well - so he can see where he's going to be and when he's coming back.

I used to tell my kids that I was doing things while they were at their dad's - I loved being with them but also liked doing things I couldn't do while they were there, to give them the idea that I was wanting them to enjoy their time while we were apart.

The other thing is that if he hasn't worked in years and isn't doing now, the court won't be the slightest bit interested in him wanting an arrangement that works for him 'getting a job soon'. Their attitude is likely to come close to 'and pigs might fly'.

Believe me, IF, and it’s a bit if imo, he ever gets a job, he will soon give up the every weekend idea because at the moment he has a whole week to do his own stuff, see his friends, play 24 hour games, slop about in his pjs watching a box set etc, but WHEN, (IF) he gets up off his bum and gets a job he will find that lo and behold, the only time he has to be his true self is the weekend, and he isn’t going to want to be doing daddy duties every single weekend. Cue his mother stepping up to the plate, has he told her this yet I wonder.

So I would say, “Yes, you idle bastard , let’s talk about that when you have got the job and are working, but until then, we will stick to what we agreed.”

If he isn’t happy with that then that means it is time for a formalised arrangement via the court, with agreements thrown in for Christmas and New Year as well. And while you are at it a proper arrangement for child support.

I mean if anything, by his logic about jobs, he could have all weekdays, and not go to work since he doesn’t have a job, and you could have all the weekends.

In reality, that’s not what needs to happen. He doesn’t need to “have an afternoon off” if he doesn’t want to, or can’t get that, he needs to pay for wrap around care like everyone else.

Why does he think he’s going to walk into a job after so long out of work?

Oh yes, and half of each school holiday goes to each parent of course.

The two main patterns seem to be:

1. 50:50 (either week on/ week off or a three day/ four day rotation of some kind)
2. The NRP gets EOW plus a day in the week, usually Thursday to avoid as much swapping around.

What clearly isn’t fair on anyone, and doesn’t work, is the NRP have all weekends, and the RP having all weekdays once the child is at school. That would mean the NRP gets all the quality time, all the opportunities to do something fun with the child, and does none of the hard work, which all falls to the RP.

You ex will have to think again!

Every other weekend and half of each school holiday.

Remember in court to concentrate on what is best for your son. So it's not good for him so not have any quality time at the weekend with you.
Focus on things you do together at the weekend that can't be done during the week when he's at school.
State that you're more than happy to offer more contact during the week.

Glad you're feeling reassured! He sounds like an absolute tool.

Your solicitors a good one, obviously a lot of family court experience. Let your Ex show himself up in court, it will work in your favour.

Yanbu. Alternate weekends is more typical.

He doesn't want the day to day grind so he's happy to leave that to you. Every other weekend or you go to court.

And I'd also be taking a full weekend back, because you deserve to have weekends time just as much. You've offered a solution, you're being flexible, with the week day arrangement, offered a Thursday- Sunday once a fortnight scenario, now you talk back a whole weekend, and see why he is willing to compromise in his life with

Nope, and taking it to court is the best thing, because it cements it. You both have the right to family time, amd both should get weekend time. You've given him options for during the week, him choosing not to take that isn't a you problem

Every weekend with a man like this will quickly end once he starts dating and wants weekends for sex, drinking and going away.

EOW is usually the starting point for negotiations like this and if he wants longer then once dc is at school, he can have school holidays like half term or a full week or two in summer so he can take his child on holiday.

Make sure that weekends like Mothers Day are your weekends. He can have Fathers Day weekend to make it fair.

Just one more point: childcare on HIS days is HIS responsibility. You don’t need to pay for that nursery (or even arrange it). It’s his job as a parent

My in-laws have a good split - one parent does Mon-Wed and one does Wed-Fri, then alternative weekends.

From the kids point of view, one parent takes them to school on Wednesdays and the other picks them up, then they either switch again on a Friday or Monday.

From the parents point of view, they can organise after school clubs and play dates for their days without having to negotiate with the other parent.

I suspect in reality once he starts a new relationship (or tries to start one) he'll find having a child around every weekend to be an impediment so will want to change things around.

It sounds like you are doing a great job Op.
You'll be fine, if you go to court just suggest some reasonable alternatives as others have said and let him look like the unreasonable one which he is.
Come back and let us know how you got on. Best of luck!

he'll be getting a job soon

Sure he will. He's already showing the kind of can do attitude employers love.

Take the total bellend to court! Of course it's not fair on your child or you to never get a weekend together. So you do all the hard graft and pay for everything and he just gets to play at the weekends. Of course his request is unreasonable and even the court would not agree this set up. Stick to your guns and don't back down and you certainly don't need to consider his imaginary job!

Of course you aren't bring unreasonable. If dad has him every weekend that basically means you get all the tough legwork of school (currently preschool but school soon) days and dad gets all the fun relaxed days. EOW is totally reasonable, plus up to 5 full weeks a year at mutually convenient dates for him to use hus Annual Leave for. If he doesn't want midweek that's fine but that doesn't oblige you to sacrifice your fair share of weekend.