AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

“Can I have a lift tonight?”
”No because you always make me late”

Just let her know you are leaving at whatever time on the dot. You have to get home to your family. Job done. I occasionally give a lift home to one of my colleagues and to be honest I really like it as it's a long journey and I like her company. But I once found myself waiting about about 30 minutes because she was catching up with colleagues - all young and single with no pressing needs to get to the supermarket, drive children to activities, put a wash on etc etc. I just ended up saying politely I will have to go now leaving it to her to come or not. I'm now very clear about when I'm leaving. Just be very clear and go whhether she is ready or not, or you will be a nervous wreck.

You appreciate when she becomes your line manager this type of behaviour will continue. She is exceptionally rude to keep you waiting and she would not be vaping in my car.

boundaries (firm but polite) ones are needed here.

I used to have to leave work dead on 5pm to get a train and get home for childcare. At one point I had a boss who would always want to speak to me at that time. It wasn't as if he had been in meetings all day, he'd been in the office right there at another desk and he wasn't even particularly busy.

Just tell her you need to rush home and if she wants to have a lift she needs to be ready or you will have to go without her. She's very rude. If someone offered me a lift I would be sure to hurry up, offer money towards gas and if declined by some nice chocolates. I would also offer to help you out with something work or kids related. She is a cf.

She vapes in your car without permission and you've asked her not to? And then she makes you wait? This is disrespect and contempt. She sees you as beneath her.

I'd tell her you cannot give her a lift any longer.

YABU

1. to put her want a lift before your children's time with you
2. to post such an obvious question not realise she is taking you for a mug
3. to let the possibility of her being your line manager to allow her to treat you like a chauffer
4. if you dont get a backbone and sort this ridiculous situation out today

I would just go, if you want a lift you leave when the person giving you the lift wants to go.

This! I wouldn’t dream of making someone wait if they were giving me a lift!

This woman is going to make a horrible manager, no matter what you do now. She is so selfish and thoughtless. Make a note of what is going on, address it cheerfully and forcefully (sorry Zoe, this doesn't work for me any more. I have other obligations so I won't be able to drive you anymore). Wait to see how it plays out as line manager. If she is difficult you remember that SHE is the problem and raise it with her manager or HR. One word about bullying should shut her up quickly enough.

Oh you lost me at the vaping in the car. Immediately stop giving her lifts ever again...this won't end well whatever you tell her. Dont bother saying about the vaping/being late. She will just continue to irritate you day after day. You have too much on.

I find people take more offence at the “tone” you use when imparting news that is disadvantageous to them

• send email (in calm tone) - Doris, going forward, please be by my car at 5, if you would like a lift

Then at 5 walk calmly and steadily to the car and drive off

Fuffing heck...id be so grateful for a lift home that id be ready on the dot. . After all you are doing her a big favour..So how rude is she..? She's taking the piss here because you let her...
Big girl pants on OP...your kids matter more than than her .

You need to stand up for yourself this week. I would send a message;

"Sharon, just to let you know, after this week I can no longer give you lifts home."

If she asks why, you answer once only, to say, you have other commitments (you do not need to get drawn into the whys and what's), and your husband and kids don't want vaping in the car.

Repeat ad infinitum. She is treating you like a personal chauffeur.

You have to stop being treated like her doormat.

Are your other colleagues aware of what is going on ?

Can it altogether. The timing is bad enough but the fact she vaped in your car despite you asking her not to is an absolute deal breaker for me. You have small children- the effects of vaping (while better than cigarettes) are unknown. You are allowing her to ride absolute rough shod over your own boundaries.

Send her a text the night before saying you are giving her advance warning that you need to leave at 5.00 on the dot from now on and if she's not ready by then you'll assume she is making her own way home. Then, just leave at 5.00.

I cannot believe this! What an entitled cow. You should just be blunt and say it’s not working for you anymore. But I know that’s difficult sometimes, so “a change in circumstances, I now have to pick my children up from elsewhere/go to supermarket after work/popping in to do whatever so won’t be able to continue with the lifts”.

Agree with previous posters. If you decide to carry on with this, then say that you will be in the car at XX time. If she’d like to join you for a lift, then fine, if not you’ll assume she doesn’t want a lift and you’ll be leaving. Don’t wait in the car at all. XX time is when the engine goes on and you drive off.

At the moment you’re allowing yourself to be walked all over.

She sounds like a user - as PP have said tell her very clearly that you will be leaving promptly from now. But bearing in mind your ongoing working relationship, do it tactfully.

Something like ' I really enjoy our chats together in the evening but will need to leave earlier in future. I hope you can be at the car by X time because I really have to leave promptly from now on'. Try and do it in front of other people. Remind her at home time 'remember I need to leave by X to be home for the kids.'

If she stops to chat, keep walking. 'sorry, can't stop. Really need to be home by X O'Clock. See you both tomorrow.' If she isn't at the car on time go home. Text her when you get in "sorry you couldn't make it , missed our catchup. hope bus journey was ok. See you tomorrow'. Repeat it in front of other people the next day.

Keep repeating how much you enjoy her company, how much you missed it the night before, but leave when it suits you.

As for the vaping! Cheeky cow. Tell her sweetly you don't like the smell and open the window on her side wide.

And, if you stand up for yourself, she won't like it, but she might have a grudging respect for you

Your car, your rules. And, allow yourself the confidence of a mediocre white male. Would he tolerate this? No way

In hindsight I think if she is going to be your manager I would just stop now. “Sorry i’m now going to need to go to x on my way home from now on so I won’t be able to offer you a lift after this week”

See if you can do an assertiveness course. It will change your life!

I’m cross on your behalf

I wouldn’t want her anywhere near my car if vaping
if you’re not there, what does she do?

next time tell her very clearly you’re leaving at x, and if she is slowing you down or stopping, just keep walking!

She is taking advantage of you and you are letting her. Does she contribute to petrol money or buy you a coffee or something in return ?