Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

419 replies

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 22:10

Good evening everyone.

I just need some advice. I started my new job about a year ago and one of my colleague’s who lives in my area needs a lift back home at least 3/4 times a week. It’s not hassle for me because I have to go past her house to get to mine. However, at the end of the working day I’m in a rush to get home as I’ve got very young children who have activities after school etc. However, she always takes her time getting her stuff ready and talking to everyone before we leave. This ends up delaying me by 15/20 mins every time. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time but I have to rush home, get kids ready for their activities etc so that I can get them there on time, so for me 20 mins late makes a big difference. I do sometimes say that I need to leave bang on at a certain time, but she still delays it and is never ready on time. In a way I miss just being able to go home and not waiting for anyone. AIBU? I don’t want to ruin my working relationship with her!

OP posts:
IOSTT · 25/09/2024 10:01

If she is going to be your line manager, she can afford to buy her own car now!

muggletops · 25/09/2024 10:00

If you say you need to go, don't the people she's talking to say anything like... ooh you better go 'betty' as SM88 is leaving?? what does she reply?

AllThePotatoesAreSinging · 25/09/2024 09:57

Thisbastardcomputer · 25/09/2024 08:48

I had this but in reverse. She worked in HR and looked up who lived near her, with a car, me.

She'd stand at my desk bang on 4.45, I worked in export and my customers often needed speaking to later in the day. She look daggers at me, if I was on the phone.

After I while I had enough and told her it wasn't working and to make her own way to and from work. She stopped speaking to me, which was a bonus, she was a moaning old bag.

Wow. I’d have reported that as a GDPR breach as a minimum. It’s gross misconduct. Completely inappropriate use of your personal data.

IOSTT · 25/09/2024 09:56

She doesn’t “need” a lift! She would like a lift as it’s more convenient for HER. Agree with pp, leave when it suits you, and your family.

skyeisthelimit · 25/09/2024 09:56

You need to get tougher. " I am leaving at X time on the dot and won't be able to wait for you if you aren't there", and then stick to that every single day. You are letting her walk all over you. Leave at the exact time that you want to, if she stops talking to somebody then keep going and leave. She is never to change or be on time while you keep putting up with it.

Also, tell her to stop vaping. Nobody vapes or smokes in my car because I won't let them! I am an ex smoker, but when I got my new car I decided to keep it very clean and tidy which includes no smoking.

If you think it will cause a problem when she is your line manager, then write down everything that happens now, so that it is clear in your head for future reference.

Mary28 · 25/09/2024 09:56

I would tell her be at my car at 5pm (or whatever) waiting for me if you want a lift. I'm not waiting if you're not there. Simple as that. I wouldn't be waiting for her. That is ridiculous if you are doing someone a favour.

custardcreme77 · 25/09/2024 09:48

OP, make your life better from today. Heed the good advice on here in dealing with this situation and remove the unwanted stress caused by your colleague’s behaviour.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 25/09/2024 09:44

Ended up in this situation once. A colleague and myself had a car share going. Got on great, always on time, txd if ill, had plans after work so couldn't make a day. Still friends 10 plus years later.

One day a manager asked us to pick up and drop off every day another colleague who couldn't drive. It was an absolute nightmare. She was never there for pick up, we had to come off a main road to get her an queue to get back on, she was never ready to leave on time in the nights which resulted in us hitting more traffic. She was supposed to contribute towards the petrol £15 per week as agreed. She never offered this we always had to ask. One month later we had to tell her we weren't doing it any more. We were late getting to work, getting home and she was rude. I feel for you OP x

Paganpentacle · 25/09/2024 09:42

Changingplace · 24/09/2024 22:18

Just tell her straight, I need to leave at X time from work, if you’re not ready to leave then you’ll need to make your own way home.

Then five mins before you’re due to leave say (loud enough for everyone in the office to hear!). I’m setting off in 5mins Sue, are you coming now? If she’s not ready literally walk out say, I’m going now like I said, see you tomorrow.

This. Absolutely this.

kittylion2 · 25/09/2024 09:39

Can't add to the good suggestions given here - apart from maybe about payment. You don't mention if she contributes or not, but if she doesn't, I wouldn't suggest it because then she will think she's paying for a service and you're her taxi driver. Without payment you are doing her a favour.

I think the best thing is what people have suggested saying in front of witnesses (preferably some of the ones who keep her talking at the end) and look a bit stressed when you say it. It would be hard to actually leave without her but I think it might take you doing it once to make her realise you mean it. I would also mention on the way home about how much you have to do and keep checking the time - and look a bit distracted.

This line manager thing is a concern, but as pp have said, if you think she is treating you unfairly I presume there are procedures for that.

MzHz · 25/09/2024 09:35

Oh and @Supermummy88 SHE is ruining the working relationship with you. Not you.

MzHz · 25/09/2024 09:34

And I don’t think there needs to be an excuse. Seriously,

@Supermummy88 has been doing this long enough to know it’s not working and has every right to knock it on the head

MzHz · 25/09/2024 09:32

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 23:29

I’ve come to a stage where I miss being on my own in the car on my way home from work. I just want peace and quiet and don’t want to talk to anyone. She vapes in my car aswel, and when I told her to please open the window she said “it’s only steam, it’s not going to do anything to you’. I’m slightly cautious because she will be my new line manager in a few months.

Omg! This would put me over the fucking edge!

”meet me at my car at x time, or I’ll be leaving without you”.

and do it.

”no vaping in my car”

any pushback, “my car, my rules”

and give her notice that you won’t be giving lifts any more as of x date’

fuck this shit. Woman up love.

Line manager or not, she’s not entitled to treat you like this

EleanorRavenclaw · 25/09/2024 09:29

I agree with @AllThePotatoesAreSinging it’s a disaster waiting to happen. You need to stop giving her lifts. She’s pushing so many boundaries OP you need to say you can’t help her out any more and you dont need to specify why. It’s a favour not part of your job.

HoopLaLah · 25/09/2024 09:23

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 23:29

I’ve come to a stage where I miss being on my own in the car on my way home from work. I just want peace and quiet and don’t want to talk to anyone. She vapes in my car aswel, and when I told her to please open the window she said “it’s only steam, it’s not going to do anything to you’. I’m slightly cautious because she will be my new line manager in a few months.

I agree with others who’ve said try and change department or team before she becomes your line manager.

If you can’t change team, join a trade union before she becomes your line manager as her selfishness and rudeness as a colleague are red flags for what she’ll be like as a line manager.

StockardAwkward · 25/09/2024 09:17

She's spectacularly rude, disrespectful and a nasty bully.

I agree with pp that have suggested you stop altogether, completely, forever, with a watertight excuse such as you're collecting DC from opposite direction at such time every single day. End of.

If you won't do it for yourself, at least do it for your DC who are indirectly affected by this woman's self-centredness.

She thinks NOTHING of you.

BaconMassive · 25/09/2024 09:15

Move house.

user1471466920 · 25/09/2024 09:07

Poor you. She sounds like a selfish bitch, or at best extremely thoughtless and entitled. I would go on the dot and don’t wait if she’s not ready. Can you tell her your routine has changed and you can no longer give her a lift if you like the car to yourself? Her being your line manager in a few months is an added worry for you but think you need to make your position clear. Very hard when you’re obviously a nice person and she’s taking advantage, the vaping is an added rudeness.

Hollietree · 25/09/2024 09:07

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep other people warm!

I am a born people pleaser. As I’ve got older I have had to repeat the above phrase to myself over and over again. Do not put the needs of some random colleague above yours and your children’s needs.

Tell her firmly one last time - her dilly dallying is negatively impacting on yours and your children’s lives. You will be in your car and leaving at X time - if she wants a lift she is at the car at that time, if she isn’t there then you will be leaving without her. And do it.

Nannyfannybanny · 25/09/2024 08:59

This was me! I was nursing,left for work at 7.15, my DD and her best friend worked at stables,I dropped them off it was only slightly out of my way. DD lived at home,best friend had to be in a certain place. I had to get to my hospital shift for an 8am start. I waited a few minutes,then when she wasn't in sight even I went without her. She was really upset, tried to make me feel guilty!!!

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 25/09/2024 08:58

And don't walk out with her, that gives her a sense of security and if she stops to chat you're hanging on with her.
Pack up, leave desk, wait in car leave at exact time you said you would.

AgileGreenSeal · 25/09/2024 08:56

Tell her you are going straight after work and if she wants a lift she needs to be ready to leave immediately.

If she’s not ready, go home without her.

deontre · 25/09/2024 08:53

Supermummy88 · 24/09/2024 23:29

I’ve come to a stage where I miss being on my own in the car on my way home from work. I just want peace and quiet and don’t want to talk to anyone. She vapes in my car aswel, and when I told her to please open the window she said “it’s only steam, it’s not going to do anything to you’. I’m slightly cautious because she will be my new line manager in a few months.

You're being a doormat.

fruitbrewhaha · 25/09/2024 08:51

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 25/09/2024 08:49

"As you will soon be my line manager, it is not appropriate that you accept lifts from me. I am uncomfortable with this as it places me in a difficult position." I'm not saying that would work, but it's worth a try if nothing else will. I think she sounds awful and I would be looking for a new job before she becomes your manager.

Yes, put it this way. It’s unprofessional of her.

fruitbrewhaha · 25/09/2024 08:50

Just stop giving her a lift home. Tell her she makes you late every time, you do t want to be breathing in vape, no one is sure it’s not bad for you, you don’t want to do work chat in the car, she needs to sort herself out. If she’s funny about contact HR and says she’s using her future promotion over you.