AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

Leave without her! Does she give you fuel money?

She’s a cheeky vapey stinky claggy betch! F that

This - exactly this ^ Keep it simple, no lies, just 'sorry, it's no longer working for me due to my children's requirements.' Do it now, well in advance of her becoming your manager, then if she takes it out on you, it's a go to HR situation.

Honestly in your shoes I'd be looking for a new job. If she thinks it is OK to hold you up every day, and vape in your car when you've said you don't like it, she is going to be a nightmare as a line manager. She is also likely to feel she is entitled to the lifts, and not take it well if you start going without her.

Jesus christ

All this involving managers and HR

A tad dramatic? Address the issue head on

No need for a song and dance. Explain politely then follow through with leaving on time

Repeat daily

Speak to her manager.

Explain you arent a taxi service and that if this woman becomes your manager and decides to treat you differently, regardless of lifts, then that is tantamount to bullying and harassment.

Her boss should deal with it, not you.

As for you, do NOT tell her you are leaving to go home.

When you finish, GO HOME. Tell no one.

Fuck her. You owe her nothing.

@Supermummy88 my new advice is going to slightly change because I feel you've dropped quite a significant drip feed, both in the fact that this woman's going to become your line manager and also how dismissive she's been about you not wanting her to vape in your car. Holding a superior position at work does not trump your rules in your vehicle, however, the fact she's not complied, despite you doing her a big favour, shows the absolute cheek of the woman.

I stand by my advice not to offer a 'sorry' in any sentence. Are you actually sorry? No, so don't say you are. And especially don't come up with any explanations or excuses why you can't drop her off. These type of people keep on finding work around solutions for their problem and you'll be wriggling like a worm on a hook and not getting anywhere with her.

Keep at the forefront of your mind that while it's nice to do someone a favour, particularly if they appreciate it, once the office hours finish, you owe your colleagues nothing of your time. You don't say you can't do this thing because of x, y or z, you simply say you can't do it. That is enough. No one has a right to know why it's not possible.

Keep it very simple and undisputable saying something like Unfortunately the lift arrangement can't continue after X day. My circumstances have changed and I'm not available. Practise what you're going to say and any shut downs if she tries to question you. You need to come across as pleasant, but firm and confident even if you're worrying about the conversation. Otherwise you're stuck with the situation.

We once had a supply teacher who couldn't drive. Our HT would book her and tell that I or another teacher would pick her up in the morning and drop her home again without even consulting us. When we complained we were told we were unhelpful and should be making her feel more welcome.

The annoying thing was that the HT used the same route and could have picked her up but claimed her arrival and leaving times weren't suitable.

I would actually cut the whole arrangement off now. I think it would be better to just keep it simple and say something like this:

Hi (name), I won’t be able to give you a lift to and from work after (date). As the children are now (back to school/nursery/older) and we are seeing a new routine for our family, I need to get home for a certain time and this is no longer compatible with giving other people lifts. Thanks for your understanding.”

I would both tell her and send it to her, if she tries to question it or dig into the reasons just keep it simple and repeat that it’s not going to work, you need to focus on your family needs first.

Don’t be tempted into feeling guilty about it, she’s a grown adult who has a managerial role, surely she can sort out herself a means of commuting to work that isn’t relying on ignoring your boundaries that are perfectly reasonable and normal!

Ye gods! I why on earth would op do that?
Why can't people just be straight with each other?

Op. Tell her today that if she isn't sat in the passenger seat when you are ready to go, you'll be going without her.
She's doing this because you are letting her. She grow a backbone and speak your mind

Oh dear this is not a good commitment you've gotten yourself into.
You're doing her a massive favour and she's got zero respect for you or your time.
I agree with others, leave without her!! Tell her that you have something you have to be home for, lie about a change in time of your kids activities if you have to, you have to leave at x time on the dot. If she's not walking out the door with you then she can't get a lift because you can't wait for her.
The vaping is outrageous too. I'd be fuming. You have the window controls though so put hers down if she starts vaping, I'd be putting all windows all the way down just to make my point, let her get buffeted by wind and rain. Vape 'steam' is not proven to be 100% harmless but regardless, its your car and if you don't want the smell/steam in your car then she should respect that!
You definitely have a power imbalance that she appears to be taking advantage of.
If possible I would actually construct a lie to get out of committing to giving her lifts entirely. Maybe you now need to meet your kids at an activity away from your home direction so you're not going in that direction to be able to give her a lift any longer. etc etc.
Losing any time in the evenings is a nightmare with young kids, and this is not going to get better at all.

OP you really REALLY need to stop this before she becomes your LM.

Just tell her that you're fed up with her delaying your journey home and vaping in your car despite asking her not to. You also miss the alone time that you used to decompress.

Consequently the lifts home are no longer happening.

If you can't do it face to face send her a text, email or letter.

If she tries to argue just repeat NO.

Time to stand up for yourself.

Dear friend
Due to kid's hobbies, tea etc I will be leaving every night bang on 5.00. Happy to give you a lift but I can't wait.
Then do just that. No blame no guilt.

You must tell her politely but very firmly that you really do need to leave on time, so if she can’t be ready, she’ll have to make her own way home.
There would be nothing remotely unreasonable in saying this.

@Supermummy88 she sounds awful. She may be your line manager in a few months but to be honest you need to sort this now so it’s all blown over and then decide if you even want to be in a role where she will manage you. She has no respect or boundaries. Your car, your life, your rules. I would be looking to move teams or jobs. But meanwhile, follow many other posters’ excellent advice ‘Timmy has a club, I’m going at this time’. Go without her if she isn’t there. But to be honest, I’d be saying ‘this doesn’t work for me’.

"I can't wait around at the end of the day anymore, it's cutting into my very limited family time and that just isn't fair on them, so if you're at the car when I'm leaving, then you're welcome to a lift, but I'll be leaving at (insert time here) every day from now on.. And the vaping really makes me uncomfortable, so it's a vape free car from now on"

I'd just say it doesn't work for you any more, that the kids are at the stage when you need to pick them up from various places (white lie) and that you can't manage lifts any more. It's her problem, not yours.

Make it crystal clear that you need to be gone by XY time and if they're not at your car door by that time on the dot, you'll have to go without them.

Give them a 5-minute warning: "Brenda, it's 5 to 5. I do need to leave on the dot of 5; I can't wait for you".

If the colleague isn't there, despite the warning, then tough shit "Brenda". You leave without them.

They'll soon learn not to piss about. They either take the lift and go when you need to go and no later, or they make alternative arrangements.

As for the vaping. Say it's non negotiable. It's either no vaping or no lift. If she vapes despite this, stop the car and say 'Brenda, please, I asked you not to vape. You can either get out and find your own way home and vape all you like, or refrain from vaping for xx minutes. It's my car and I don't want anyone vaping in here'.

Your colleague sounds like a dick.

I think she’s rude. You’re doing a favour and she seems to have forgotten that! When u said you had to leave bang on time, and she wasn’t ready, what did you do?
next time you should say a time, say you have to go at that time and if she’s not ready say sorry and run off. Just say your kids have a prompt appointment or something …

You have to be more assertive. You can do assertiveness courses or find stuff on line to help.
In my experience, if you say yes to everything, people respect you less and ultimately like you less, so its counterproductive even for a people pleaser really.

Jo, im not being funny but the leaving time is getting later and later and its doing my head in. I don't mind dropping you if you're ready to go, but im not going to keep being late for my kids for it obviously. I have a life too! Can you make sure youre at my car ready to go if you want a lift. Also no vaping in the car. Thems the rules.

I would just drop the lifts; she’s an adult and (if I’m understanding correctly) in a more senior role? She should be capable of sorting herself out! I’ve done colleague drop offs in the past, if I had to live that time over I wouldn’t have offered in the first place as it was just unnecessary stress.

Have you raised this with HR

If she’s vaping in your car and late every time I would stop giving her a lift altogether.
You are waiting every time, she knows you won’t challenge her and she’s getting away with it.
The whole thing is just plain rude, especially as she knows you have young children at home.
Tell her it’s no longer working for you, you don’t have to say why. It’s not part of your job description to give anyone a lift.
I am not even going to ask if she offers towards petrol costs.
Stand up to this CF. If she causes you any grief report her. You are not a taxi service.
My blood is boiling for you OP.

She’s a rude and entitled twat and knows exactly what she’s doing. She’s clocked you’re meek.

You shouldn't even have to explain to her your reason for wanting to leave on time, she should be polite enough to be ready to go when you are.

It doesn't matter if you have 12 kids at home or a Mars Bar and an episode of Love is Blind, she shouldn't be encroaching on your free time.

I'd also hate having to have someone else in the car to/from work. Occasional lifts are ok but it's a little peaceful bit of time to reset before you get home.