AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

You aren’t her personal taxi you know, so stop behaving as if you are.
Tell her you won’t be giving her lifts any more and that she’ll need to make her own arrangements for getting home.

If she asks why, tell her you’ve had enough of being taken for granted, being disrespected (you let her vape in the car even when you have asked her not to!) and having to wait round for her!

“She vapes in my car” WHAT?!

Tell her she can’t vape in the car anymore (if you feel you need an excuse say it’s giving you a headache/makes you feel sick/other reason). If she comes up with something lame like “it won’t harm you” say sorry Sheila, I just can’t have vaping in my car anymore or I won’t be able to give you a lift. Line manager or not.
This woman is outrageous!

I should add that as you've allowed yourself to be walked over, she will resent it massively should you draw the line. Be prepared to move jobs.

Just her as a line manager would be a reason for not giving her a lift. It's a drift into exploitation, in much the same way that the Civil Service bans senior workers asking/taking loans from those lower in the hierarchy.

You need to get her out of your car right now, and the "it's not working for me" is the best one. Forget punctuality, vaping and no petrol money.

A colleague gives me a lift home frequently which is very kind. We communicate - she wants to leave at X time. I’ll either make sure I’m ready or let her know I won’t be and she can go without me. Simple. I don’t expect her to hang around for me. We are both teachers so finishing times can vary, likewise we both have commitments on different days where we need to leave at a specific time.

Some days it’s reverse! She tells me she won’t be leaving until a certain time, and actually I’m done, so decide to make my own way home.

She does me a massive favour that she is not obliged to do. If her schedule works for me, great. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. No begrudging from me.

You're going to have to make it clear by actually going.

“We’ve got to be at activity 1 by X time. I’m leaving at 4 on the dot. If you’re not in the car I will be going.”. Then actually go! Keep walking!

What everyone else has said, plus: get yourself into a different team or department at work. She does not sound like a good line manager to have. She's rude, inconsiderate and takes advantage of others. Seriously, move out from that.

Do it this week OP. This is totally unacceptable. Vaping in your car wtf! You are lengthening your work day by having her in your car yakking on!

That alone drive time home is so precious before the next part of the day with kids.

Also if she is going to be your manager, even more reason to get out of this now!

She sounds so entitled and has taken advantage of your kindness.

Make some reason up like how you need to go somewhere else first, opposite direction to home, and in time the lifts will fizzle out.

I’m not going that way today…

‘I’m leaving at bang on 5 today Sharon, I know you like a chat so just letting you know I can’t take you home today..’ immediately walk out at 5pm and leave.

‘the children/husband have been complaining about the smell in the car - so no vaping today Sharon’. I know you can’t smell it but that’s what smokers are like aren’t they Sharon. Can never smell the cigarette smell themselves whilst everyone else around them
can. said with big cheery grin.

I know you like to stay behind and chat Sharon so I was thinking it’s better if you make your own way home from now on as I have to be out that door at 5 on the dot.

I was wondering about you contributing some money for the lifts etc Sharon seeing as I’m your personal little Uber. cheery wink. Thinking of you pop us £10 a week that should help cover fuel etc…

Her faffing around becomes a safeguarding issue for your kids (hanging around for 15 mins, waiting for their mother to turn up). Lots of children's activities rely on volunteers. Your colleague's faffing around requires them (2x DBS certified adults) to stay with your children to ensure they're safe while they're waiting for you to turn up. Their time is important. The safety of your children is important. Stop giving her lifts as it's no longer working for you.

Vaping!!! Good grief. Just say sorry you can’t do that in my car. No not even with the window down. No.
God how gross!

Knowing that, tomorrow I'd just say I’m off now, leaving in two mins if you want a lift. Get up and walk out two mins later. She won’t come and you won’t have to deal with it!

How does she cope if you are sick or on holiday?!

Next time she is due for a lift just head for your car and if she isn't there at the same time off you go. You are not her mother but you do have your own children who can't get themselves to their after school activities.

As for the vaping - your car, your rules. If she treats you poorly when she becomes your line manager then you put in an official complaint. In the meantime you just leave when you need to and she'll need to sort herself out.

I really need you to understand something. I’m in a hurry after work as my children are waiting for me. If you are by the car when I leave then sure, I’m happy to drop you off at home but I can’t be hanging around waiting for you any more. If you aren’t at the car, then I will assume you don’t want a lift and I will hurry on home without you.

THIS^ but say it in front of others.

and then leave if she’s not there. She will probably only do it once.

I would take this opportunity to nip the whole thing in the bud. You now have the opening to say “Look, this clearly isn’t working. You’re making me late to pick up my children and other commitments after work. So you’ll have to sort out your own lifts to and from work from now on.”

She’s an adult - she should be able to organize her commute without making the unpaid responsibility of a colleague.

Oh my fucking god, just read your update. She vapes in your car?! She is a selfish prick and you should just stop the lifts altogether. I would never ever let someone vape in my car. It’s tricky with the line manager thing but honestly I would hate to get lifts home from one of my direct reports! Awkward.

If you want to continue the car sharing- then there needs to be rules- tell her you're happy to continue doing so, but from now on you'll be leaving at 16.10 (or whatever the end time is) and if she isn't walking out/ in the lobby waiting you will be leaving as the later nights are detrimental to your family and can not continue. I'd imagine being left behind once or twice will speed her up.

PP's have made a very good point.

Right now you are prioritizing her over your own children. Think about that.

This is appalling. What an entitled cow she is. You are giving lifts, she makes you late and she vapes in the car without even opening the window.

You need to find a way of stopping these lifts. What is the matter with her? Why can't she make her own transport arrangements?

I’d say, ‘I’m leaving at X time, I can’t hang around because I have to be home in time for the children’ - walk out to your car without waiting, telling her you will wait in the car until X time and then have to leave.

The first time she is late and misses you, either she won’t do it again or she will get humpy but if so, at least you tried. She is the cheekiest of Fs.

"Jane, my eldest has just started a new club so I need to leave 5 on the dot. I will meet you by the car, and will leave by five past at the latest, if you are not there then I am sorry but I will be going without you". She will be late, so you leave.

You will only need to do this once. I promise.

Either she will always be on time in future or she will slag you off and try to find some other sucker to do it. No one will think badly of you.

Just go!

Just leave she's happy to make you wait around. You can't wait around so just go when you need to. Sometimes you need to be abrupt.

Yep - just tell her ‘happy to give you a lift but you need to be ready at 6.05. That’s when I’m going.’ And then go if she doesn’t have the good manners to be timely when somebody else is being inconvenienced by hanging around waiting to taxi her about!

She wouldn’t do it if she had a train to catch would she?

As others have said, I’d just state my departure time and stick to it.

She's massively taking advantage of your kindness which is really rude.

If someone was giving me a lift I'd be there ready before them, paying them in money, vouchers or gifts and showing my appreciation.
This woman does not appreciate the lift or your kindness.

It sounds like it's become a game to her (believe me I had a boss who did similar. Work finished at 5pm and we started winding down at 4.40, tidying up etc and she would do EVERYTHING to slow us down- make a hot drink as we began tidying/ make the long phone call/ get out a drawer of files to rearrange/ lose her glasses, keys, phone honestly it was beyond a joke).

You need to say directly, I will be leaving the building at xyz and driving straight back, if you want to join me you're welcome to but if you aren't there by xyz I will have to leave without you.
You can say that kindly but I'd suggest you say in front of others so she doesn't make a big song and dance to others about how you just left her etc.

If she's not ready then you MUST leave her and travel back otherwise you are undermining yourself and showing her your words mean nothing.

To help you with this, see it as she is becoming more important than you and your kids and you need to pull it back and put your kids needs first.

Good luck.