AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

I don’t mind giving you a lift, but I will be driving through the car park gates at exactly 5, so if you’re not already in the car, I will
be gone…

More fool you for making your life harder. This is entirely in your control. Why complain about something that you are choosing to do ???

This!

why on earth would you wait 15-20 mins for her. Over the course of a week, that's over an hour. I don't understand why you just don't drive off. Sarah, I am leaving now, jump in if you wanna have a ride. Done.

Very rude of her.
Like others are saying, tell her you're leaving at X o'clock and no later. And then leave.

At this stage I'd lie and say you can't do lifts anymore as you have to go straight to dc class in different direction. Then I'd take a slightly different route home.

Reading your updates I think you should just end this, she sounds rude and entitled and a nightmare to work for. I’d probably start looking for a new job too. Make an excuse if you feel you need it, ie you now head straight from work to a different location, perhaps to pickup your children

This!! So disrespectful and rude!!
time for her to sort out her own lifts or drive herself. What did she do before you joined?
you are losing time with your kids? Time to prioritise them and ask her not to vape.

Say
Jane ...I'm happy to give you a lift home but I really need to leave as soon as we finish.
Meet me by the car by x time if you want a lift if you're not there by then I'll assume you don't need a lift that day...with a smile !!!

Whilst she is faffing, what are you doing? If you are there she might think you don't mind as you aren't saying anything.
I'd go straight to my car and leave and repeat this every day.

‘Janice, I’m leaving at 4pm on the dot. If you’re can’t get away I’ll head on and see you tomorrow.’

Supermummy, you have to be quite insistent that she is ready to leave when you are, giving her your extremely valid reasons. You are doing your colleague a big favour after all.

You definitely need to stop this before she becomes the manager. Otherwise you will be late for ever. Or changing jobs to avoid her!

"I can no longer offer lifts home due to personal commitments" is fine. Her apparent lack of transport is not your problem.

Hell, my colleague and I both drive and there are days where we fling stuff in drawers and bags just to walk out together.

“I can’t give you a lift anyone from today, it makes me late for my children and you vape in my car which I don’t like”

practice it and then tell her today. It will feel awkward as hell but you are not being unreasonable and just keep reminding yourself that you aren’t in the wrong and to not do so puts her above e your children.

if she asks how she’ll get home, say however she did before you gave her a lift.

do it now before she becomes your manager

Given she is going to be your boss shortly, it seems to me there's a bit of power play here with her vaping in your car despite your objections, and the dilatory manner in which she makes her way to your car, all of which tells you that she's probably going to be a bit of a shit manager. This gives you a chance to maybe work out how to handle her going forwards or if you think she's going to continue being difficult, to maybe look for another job.

I would advise telling her that you won't be doing lifts anymore and if she asks why, just deflect and tell her she'll need to make other arrangements. As of 5.01 pm or whenever your workday ends, you are on personal time and why you can't do lifts is absolutely none of her business. Sticking up for yourself assertively and politely (no sorries or weak smiles) will let her know that she needs to be a bit more respectful towards you.

With the update about vaping, I wouldn't be trying to negotiate on specifics - timing, vaping - otherwise she could say she'll adhere to your rules and you're still stuck with her, or facing another confrontation to get rid.

I'd keep it simple with no chance of her wheedling around it: "I can't take you home anymore, I have another commitment after work now" and just say it's personal if she asks.

Just say, as of x date I'd like to cancel our lift arrangement. If she ask why you say for personal reasons which I don't really want to go into, I'm sure you understand

^Perfect.

This is not lift sharing, it's a personal chauffeur service.

People will only respect you if you respect yourself and that includes you respecting your precious resources.

At the moment, she is stealing your resources, which are time, money, depreciation of the value of your car, and most importantly, your head space.

The headspace given to her and the daily negative experience of being delayed due to your colleague could be filed with thinking about your family's or your own well-being and opportunities. As a young mother you should also prioritise your own alone time, which can be your commute.

Cut the colleague loose. Such a cheeky fucker.

Can't you just have a friendly and honest chat And tell her what you have written here?

Oh and the vaping is vvvvvv disrespectful.
I'd have an excessive coughing fit for sure.

Yeah it's a fine line.
I would reiterate that she's welcome to drive with you, you just really have to go at x time. So sorry, wish you could've stayed longer yara yara.
So it cannot come back to bite you of she wanted to be mean about it. Everyone in the office will know if she moaned about it, that she was the unfair one.

Who did you inherit this woman from?

Hi Julia, I'll be leaving at 17h05. Meet you at the car. Just a heads up, if you can't make it for 17h05, no stress but I have to leave then for DDs dance, so won't be able to wait longer.

I mean, I actually think they should! Being assertive (rather than aggressively rude or a passive people pleaser is an important life skill for safety reasons and also for your own self esteem). I did an assertiveness course once at my job and it was excellent.

Just say no, is this another thing schools have to teach?

And no I am not saying they should

No way would I start using public transport just because the word no couldnt come out of my mouth, thats absolutely ridiculous and what happens if the bus is late?- then you'll be in an even worse position than you were before with your car!

Tell her in the morning - I am leaving at X time and no later, if you arent ready I will have go as I have to pick my kids up. Then, when she gets out the vape say no, I cant have that in my car, I really dont like it, it leaves a greasy film on the car (which is true, it does). If she wont stop then the next day you tell her, I cant give you a lift, the vape steam bothers me.

Then if she isnt ready, or wont stop vaping just bloody go without her. Stop worrying about being rude to people who are being rude to YOU!