AIBU to not want to drop work colleague home most days?

Just make something up about having to pick your child up from a different location (due to new club/tutoring etc) and you will no longer be going past her house.

What a bizarre idea! Why go through this palaver?

Just say 'I am leaving bang on 3.30pm. If you are not in my car by then, I will be leaving without you. I have children to attend to who can't wait.' Then stick to it.

She may need a lift but it's not your problem, to be blunt.

Outside work, so give her a call or send a text in the evening. Hi x just to let you know I need to leave on time everyday and be home by x. This is just a heads up as I can't be late and can't be relied on for a daily lift. I have to just go!

Next day, say - did you get my text? I've got to get home everyday as early as I can. I have so much to do in the evening I need to get time back. Its great you have time to chat and I just can't anymore!

Stop telling her you are leaving, Stop walking out and waiting with her whilst she chats. People and her like it, but you have somewhere to be. Say ' can't stop - pick up duties' and keep walking.

It's really not your problem to solve. Surely there is an atmosphere in the car every day? And you don't chat? You aren't friends BTW, or you would just tell her.

I agree with everyone saying that you should tell her what time you are leaving and then you should leave at that time - do not wait. Your colleague is horribly rude and selfish.

You ANBU but you have dug yourself into a hole here if she is going to be your line manager.

Say nothing - she is making you miserable
Say something- she will make you miserable

She is an entitled, selfish, CF - a boss like this will be a nightmare

“…. after this week, just letting you know, I won’t be able to give you a lift anymore. I’ve found these alternative options for you” *bus timetable/ name
of another colleague to ask

… and look to either get promoted above her or moved from her team.

Perhaps consider some training on boundary setting/ improving your confidence/ being more assertive
Good Luck

Christ, she’s a piss taker and she’s definitely not management material. It’s clear to me that she will continue to treat you badly when she becomes your line manager. You really need to stand up to her now otherwise, things will probably get a lot worse as she has zero respect for you.

If she’s not offered you any petrol money then that would be the nail in the coffin for me. Tell her today that you’ve decided you prefer your own company driving home and so from next Monday, she’ll need to sort out her own travel arrangements. No more lifts no matter how much she moans.

@Supermummy88

When you say she 'needs' a lift - how did your current situation come about? Did you offer? Did she ask?

It's not your job to facilitate her travel to work - what did she do before you joined? How does she get home the other days? How does she get there in the mornings? It's up to her to sort out.

Future manager or not, you probably need to nip it in the bud & stop the arrangement altogether - blame a change of schedule with the kids if you feel uncomfortable confronting her piss taking!!

She's taking the piss and it will be worse when she's a manager with her very important stuff to do before she leaves. Put your coat on, say OK Doris, you ready we need to leave, when she says can you wait a minute or waves you off, its goodbye see you tomorrow, the vaping is really rude but she is a low level bully and won't care.

please nip this in the bud
i cant take you any more
never mind she is due to be a line manager, even more reason not to give her a lift.

’i have 2 kids, it was already really strsssful getting home and sorted for activities and one activity has just moved earlier, so I’m going to have to dash out the door now and can’t fit giving you a lift in. I hope you can find something that works.

if they quiz you the activity sometimes moves because the teachers are university students and their timetables or other activities change, you have no idea what it was this time.

I totally get this! And I’d find that really hard in your situation too.

I have a friend that I give a lift home from a hobby and she is about 10 mins out of the way and always chats in the car for about 10 mins when I get to hers. Delaying me from going to bed by about half an hour! Doesn’t sound like a big deal, but I get up v early for work.

Anyway I think you need to kindly say that you always have to get home at x time which means you really need to leave on the dot and you can’t wait.

It's this simple! ⬆️

Tell her you're on a very tight schedule & if she wants a lift, she has to be at x place at x time or you're going. End of. It's not your responsibility to get her home!

OP, I the nicest piasible way you need to leave her.

I guarantee you will leave her just once and she will be stood by your car waiting for you in future.

how did she get home before you joined? Fuck here ofd, just go.

This is absolutely a power play on her behalf. She's not an idiot, and she knows exactly what she's doing.

I would just touch her lightly on the shoulder in passing as I was going out the door and she was chatting to someone, saying " We need to leave now Denise, come on..." and then just keep walking and leave without her.

This will only need to happen twice and she'll get the message .

Longer term you will need to think about just telling her it's not working for you and knock it on the head altogether.

The manager thing is actually all the more reason to set boundaries. If she sees she can walk all over you to this extent now, she'll do exactly the same, and worse, as your manager.

I'd take her aside today and say you need a word about the lifts, then say:
'I need to leave at 5.00 (or whenever) precisely to get back for my children. If you're not ready to come with me then, I'll be leaving without you.'
'I don't allow vaping in my car. Please remember that.'
(If you're feeling very strong) 'It would be very much appreciated if you could give me a contribution of x quid for the petrol, seeing as I'm transporting you 4x a week.'

People like this will take and do whatever they can get away with. I can't help wondering if the vaping - as it is really such outrageous behaviour to vape in someone else's car - is her attempt to see exactly how much of a pushover you are.

Oh that is a bit tricky for you. But I think you'll have to try to find a way to set the ground rules. So I'd say something like
"I'm going to have to leave at 5 on the dot as I'm finding I'm late for the kids and that's causing problems. So as of today, I'll be setting off bang on. Sorry if that doesn't suit "
" I know it's just steam but the smell makes me feel nauseous so can you please not vape in my car"

Good luck

She sounds awful, best way is to not explain or be sorry but say breezily 'I need to leave on time today' as you are leaving. Then leave.

So sorry got to rush today and whiz past. She'll either rush after you or not.

Leave at the time you need to leave. If she’s not ready it’s her own problem. Tell her that you have to home for your kids at a set time. If she complains and is nasty tell her that you leave at a set time just like a bus. Is she paying your petrol for this journey? If not tell her that you’re doing this for free but have to charge her from now on. Edit - just read that she vapes. Tell her no vaping in your car because of the smell vapour. How disgusting and entitled she is. Report your concerns to higher management about her being your line manager.

Steam is water, vaping has other shit in it too. Stupid rude woman. She's going to be in charge is she.
Oh dear.

Do this lie if it makes it easier for you.

Just end it now. If there is any comeback, ensure you are aware of HR processes for harassment which I hope will not be necessary.

I bet she's not even giving you petrol money - her house might be on the way to yours so you've probably thought it's not needed but carrying an extra bod every day = increased wear and tear on your car. Seriously, she's a CF, let her sort herself out.

This. 👌 You've let her get comfy and she isn't taking your retirement seriously. The longer it goes on the more awkward it gets.
Redraw the lines (or stop completely) as no change can only lead to stress and resentment for you and a suprise for her.
This is already spoiling your working relationship as it is (rightly, this is cf territory) pissing you right off.

Massive cf - and vaping is just steam?! Ask if she minds you farting and then drop her off at the bus stop or a bike shop