To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

Which A levels is dd taking? Is English language the best one for her? Would she be best with one that didn't require her to look for nuance, eg a science subject?

Hi Op,

I don’t have the time to go back and forth with mumsnet but I am assistant headteacher and SENDCO who oversees safeguarding, pastoral and behaviour in a secondary school and sixth form. If you what any advice please feel free to private message me :)

Did you specifically ask the school not to print her name and picture? Because if you did, I can see why you are upset. But if you didn't I'm not sure what you think the school could have done to pre-empt it. I know my (Autistic) daughter would be delighted at having hers printed and her achievements recognised!

To be honest, if this was me, I would be supporting the school's decision and talking to my daughter about appropriate ways to express herself. As well as getting to the bottom of what specifically the 'trigger' was, so it can be avoided in the future if possible. And maybe trying to talk to her to find out any new stresses she is finding with 6 Form.

We had quite a tumultuous year 7 with quite a few incidents I had to go into school for. I always supported the school in their decisions, even when they did seem a bit harsh. Because my daughter needs to know when her behaviour isn't acceptable and that I agree with the school. And actually they have given us so much support in so many ways that I am in sure is partly because I am always ready to work with them.

This has been pointed out a number of times?

She literally wrote 'her learning disabilities'

You need to be encouraging your DD to adjust to cope with the world (this may or may not include hiding in a cupboard), not expecting the world to adjust to cope with her. Swearing at teachers is Not On. She needs consequences. Also, it's fine to insist she drops a 4th A level, but if the school can't offer the 3 year programme you're after, then you are going to have to change to a college that will.

It might be sensible if she has just started Alevels to drop English Literature if she has other talents, and this subject is problematic. Speaking as a lit grad, it would be a shame to drop it if she loves it, but she can foster a love of literature outside of an A-level course. By the time I'd done my degree, I just wanted to read fairly undemanding books for a long time.

Surely then English was an odd choice of a level?

@Runnerinthenight think you may have missed OP describing autistic DDs individual needs and the pre-established plan for a 3 yr course to meet these needs

You need to work in tandem with the school on this. She's a bright girl - there's no reason why shouldn't sit her A levels over 2 years, and tbh I have never come across a school that would accommodate 3 years. Probably down to funding apart from anything else.

Does she want to do 3 or 4 A levels? In all honesty, she might as well do three, as most end up concentrating on 3 after AS.

This is very true and always has been.

Yet people insist on starting threads in AIBU rather than the relevant and therefore more helpful topics.

@Battlehorse the label learning disability has a very strict threshold of significant issues identified within cognitive and functional assessment. I would be very surprised if someone who was so academically able were to meet these criteria (in UK). However please tell me if I’m wrong.
The communication issues with a diagnosis of autism (which can be seen as a disability) can lead to learning difficulties. Sorry if I have misunderstood you.

Media consent forms should only be signed by parents up to age 12. From 13 young people sign them themselves.

unless you're saying autistic people literally can't control their behaviour?

@MimiGC Yes! There are many autistic people who literally can't control their behaviour. Did you genuinely not know this?

You said your daughter's outbursts cannot be predicted or mitigated so I'm not sure what else you thought the school should do. I don't think it's helpful to find fault with the school.

Your daughter may have difficulty with controlling her emotions but she will have to apologise to the teacher she swore at and you will have to find out what caused the outburst and help her develop strategies to avoid similar behaviour in the future.

This totally against my wishes for her that she takes no more than 3 A Levels and also be allowed three years for her Sixth Form study.

How was this communicated? Discussed prior to her entering sixth form? Does your DD want to do 4 A-levels over 2 years? Did you meet the head of sixth form?

I'm not sure why you think she needs 3 years to do a two year course of study when she managed 9 grade 9s at GCSE?

This!
It’s complex. Every neurotypical has different strengths and weaknesses. Every neurodivergent person has different strengths and weaknesses, but share elements of the diagnostic criteria. Don’t feel ashamed about needing more info, it’s natural and a huge area. Just understand you may not understand.

Did you sign a photo consent form? If you did then they’ve done nothing wrong.
i am likely autistic and I really hate my photo being published or people looking at me for a long time (eg public speaking).
if you know your daughter would not like a photo taken or used in school
publications then the photo consent form is your way of ensuring she doesn’t suffer any anguish.
i am really sorry she is going through this. Many NT people will just not understand how difficult it is when this happens.
if you didn’t sign the consent form then this should be taken into consideration by the school.

I'm no expert, but I think an "unofficial stay at home notice" is an unlawful exclusion? Perhaps someone will come along on the thread who can shed more light, but -

"Statutory guidance states that informal or unofficial exclusions, such as sending pupils home to “cool off” are unlawful regardless of whether they occur with the agreement of parents or carers."

https://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/lawful-unlawful-exclusions/

Clearly so many posters on here have no clue about autism!
Go do your research before posting advise!!

I am sorry I am not sure what your complaint is. Your DD behaved unacceptably towards a staff member and now has to face the consequences of her actions. It's good for her to learn actions have consequences in school rather than work setting. The school can't teach a 2 year course over 3 years to accommodate one child. This is all said as the parent of an autistic/severe ADHD 12 year old. If he swore at school staff I would be letting them deal with him as it's important he learns it's not acceptable behaviour which nobody is going to tolerate.

I understand your DD struggles but swearing at a teacher is unacceptable end of. She needs to know that.

Ableism all over the place … from people with zero experience of having an ASD teenage girl.

Hello OP, my 18 year old daughter had ASD, it was a late diagnosis, and before we started to get help she would become overwhelmed, and sweary, and violent - bad times.

She had EBSA, and anxiety, all related to late diagnosis.

..so .. we requested an EHCP, directly to the council (which we knew we wouldn’t get as she was academically very bright). What did happen though, as part of that decision making is that we saw an Ed Psych, who wrote up what was needed from college. I then used that with the Student Support team at the college so we could work out a plan for her.

College has been a far better environment than school, they are more flexible, they don’t get so stressed if she needs a day off, we have a plan so she can leave if she feels overwhelmed, and walks round with her headphones on.

The place she is at needs to have a plan in place, need to understand what makes her feel overwhelmed, and what needs to happen if that happens.

TBH - they could do with reading up Disability Discrimination, and understanding what their responsibilities are. An urgent meeting with pastoral support.