To not know whether the school are at fault in how they dealt with my 16 year old and 10 months old very academic but immature Autistic daughter after she acted out due to her disabilties.

I think you'll find that the OP herself said it but apparently, when she went in to school and saw it she had a change of heart and thought it perfectly ok to curse the teacher out about it.

I have yet to hear of any disability that means teachers-in a mainstream school-has to put up with abuse and if that is now a thing, then no wonder we have problems recruiting teachers.

If this young woman or anyone else has a change of heart-and we all do regret things-then she has to learn to suck it up.

If she meets you, @Coruscations at a bus stop and lets you go in front of her then finds that you have taken the last seat, will you be happy if she regrets letting you go first and fucks you out of it? Will you excuse it or it is just teachers you expect to swallow this shit?

Bad manners, fucking and blinding can be addressed and should and if you find that depressing then what a world we are building where someone expects to avoid punishment because they are disabled.

One day, this woman may find herself fucking and blinding at the wrong person but you know what, somehow I think she won't because I have a suspicion she may know who to bully and who she can't.

Her mother should make her apologise to the teacher she cursed at. End of,

@Battlehorse She has 4 or 5 school friends who have looked after her from year 7 .

And I presume she has also looked after them? Or have her friends propped her up? Does she lash out at them too?

You are dealing with a difficult situation. But I can't see how else the school can respond. Well-being is a huge topic for HR departments these days and the school needs to be a safe place for all, students, teachers and support staff.

The best you can do now is find out what are the current stressors for your dd and address them together. The next thing is she needs to apologise unreservedly to the teacher. Have you tried to get her to see it from the teacher's POV? Role play it so she is the teacher and you the out of control sweary student. This may help her develop her understanding of the situation.

Has she never before sworn at staff? Does she argue at you? If yes, how do you deescalate?

It is. It interferes with how you learn and what you are able to learn more easily.

OP do you think she would be better off elsewhere?

We don't now that the DD was happy with the photos being taken, she may have had no choice, then to find they have been published pushed her over the edge.

I don't see how publishing a picture, assuming you have agreed to photo consent, would be considered a potential issue.

I totally get how and why it could be an issue, I really struggle with having photos taken and knowing one had been made public would probably have me angry crying so I can totally get where the OP is coming from.

No it is not a good idea to swear at a teacher but she obviously felt really stressed and swearing at a teacher is better than a lot of other options.

OP I would want a meeting with the head about how they can support your DD and I would also consider whether she would be better off in another environment.

She can delay going to uni until 20 without spending three years doing A levels.

I don't think that's the hill to die on.

I think the battle you should fight is the 4 A levels. Autism aside, it's totally unnecessary and I have no idea why so many MN schools seems to persist in this approach.

It does sound like she is struggling with a transition point here.

What would be really helpful would be for the sixth form head to take time to understand the outburst and what caused it. It may not even be something that the OP’s DD can pinpoint. It may be extreme anxiety. From the responses I’ve read, everyone seems to agree that swearing at teachers is not acceptable, but there was a wise teacher who replied that being sworn at was something that happens with emotionally dysregulated students. If only more schools understood this, then special needs students would not be suspended for behaviour over which they have no control in the moment. It takes special skills to handle a situation like this

Equally though, you must impress upon them the importance of helping your daughter through situations like this rather than suspending her which is not going to help her in the long term.

A shorts suspension, rather than an exclusion, is helping OP's dd to learn that she can't behave like this. What else should the school do in this situation?

Would OP prefer the teacher to not react at all? Or say 'I know you don't mean this' and thus potentially further escalate the situation? Or 'I can see you must be very upset, let's see what we can do about this'? What about the teacher's dignity, humanity and right to feel safe in her workplace? Swearing at others because the swearer feels stressed is still not acceptable because it's unkind. Your dd struggles to behave in an acceptable manner. How will you help her op? Why don't you see the exclusion as a learning opportunity?

It sounds almost like OP thinks the 9 9s give her dd special credibility and the school should be grateful to have such an academic high achiever.

OP, you are wrong. Swearing is not on, it's abusive, what will you and your dd do to improve the situation?

Ultimately, it is your responsibility as you have given permission for her pictures to be used. Its' easy to blame others but you are not helping yourself or your dd. Take this as another learning for your dd, if she feels sensitive about her pictures being published, which would be very understandable, she has now learned that she can opt out and refuse consent. Empower her, do not disempower the school.

Sorry, I do not see the issue. The school seems to have been very reasonable IMO.

A-Levels can happen in three years as school do allow them to repeat a year in some circumstances. I would get in and talk to the school about her doing three not four A-Levels and whether she could do the year again if it didn't work out for her this year.

OP, I think you are getting a lot of well intentioned but not particularly useful advice from people who have no experience of ASC or whose ND children have not struggled in the way that your DD does. My DD is very similar and unfortunately we did not pick up on it as she was high achieving academically. However, she has had the most dreadful couple of years since leaving school despite excellent grades. We have since learned a lot about autism in girls and emotional regulation, but it has taken an awful lot of therapy and OT for her to get to a place where she can start to understand herself and her feelings.
In your shoes, I would request a meeting with the pastoral Head as well as the head of sixth form. I think it’s important that they understand what it was like for your daughter, whose anxiety must have been through the roof. It is, of course, important to have boundaries and you can explain how awful she feels about her outburst and how you don’t condone such behaviour. Equally though, you must impress upon them the importance of helping your daughter through situations like this rather than suspending her which is not going to help her in the long term. The school may not have the skills to do this in which case you may have to educate them yourself or you may have to find her an alternative sixth form. She will get the grades because she is academically bright but what is important for her right now is that she learns to understand herself and her feelings and be able to express herself appropriately. As I’m sure you know, people with autism have inflexible thinking so it may take time for things to improve but they can, as long as she is in a supportive environment. Good luck OP, one of the hardest things in the world is watching your child struggle.

And the lesson of this thread is: don't post about ND issues in AIBU, post in the SEN or SN teens forum instead, and hope to god your thread doesn't become visible in Active.

OP Is part of the reasonable adjustment you expect that the teachers go on an intensive training course on mind reading? That might better equip them to know when these outbursts will occur.

I am not really sure how you expect the school to predict her outbursts before they happen ? This is completely impossible. She was fine with the photographs being taken, how could they possibly predict her reaction and why are they to blame? Your DD, despite her diagnosis, has to learn that such behaviours towards teachers are unacceptable.

OP seems remarkably unbothered about her daughter's swearing at the teacher and rather unappreciative of the school's attempts to manage this. As someone said upthread, no wonder teachers leave.

There’s maturity then there’s swearing at teachers. The two are not the same.

I think you’re being unreasonable in many ways. For example trying to dictate the amount of years she studies or the amount of a-levels she completes. It is standard practice for everyone to study 3 a-levels over 2 years - it matches university entry requirements so the education system is geared up to allow people to enter the next chapter.

I have only seen people study longer, if they don’t pass AS year, so they essentially resit the year to allow them to progress to A2 year. If you fail A2 exams, you can opt to resit them privately as I think only a certain amount of years of education are funded.

I have only seen people complete less a-levels, if they have not obtained a grade high enough to allow them to progress. I have seen people complete “foundation” a levels if their GCSE grades aren’t high enough, but that doesn’t apply for your daughter. Other people opt to complete BTECs instead.

so to summarise I don’t think you should be the one dictating how she studies, that’s a conversation between the school and her and you to see what is reasonable. It is more likely she will get support to help her in the normal curriculum as opposed to a mandatory extension to her years of education.

You say they can't be predicted or mitigated but outbursts don't come from nothing. Their are always small signs that can indicate its about to happen and you learn to pick up on them before it becomes a point of loss of control. At 16 she does need to start trying to control it. What support is she getting?

She can’t swear at anyone and storm off. Use it as a life lesson as she’s going to be in full time employment in a few years. Yes she’s immature and masking a lot but there are still rights and wrongs. Autistic children, like any other children, need to learn boundaries and consequences. I think the school are being fair by saying it isn’t an expulsion. It’s a calming down period.

As for doing A-Levels over 3 years, the only way she could do this is if she did Year 12, Year 13 and then Year 12 again. Our school don’t have the capacity to let students do this as we would have a new cohort coming through.

OP by the way it was really interesting what you said about the content of English literature course and the feedback from the teacher about your DD’s limitations. My DD had the same feedback from teachers.

I think you're being unrealistic to think that any setting is going to be ok with your dd swearing at teachers.

This doesn't seem like an unreasonable punishment at all.

Those who think the child has a free pass to swear because of her autism and the world should accommodate that. ..

What about my child, with autism, who would find being sworn at incredibly distressing?

Whose autism trumps whose?

Honestly swearing at a teacher is the least of the issues here. DD can apologise, in writing if that’s easier, then everyone can move on. Swearing at teachers is not OK but it was not so far as we know it was not accompanied with any aggression. Posters on here have obviously not been in many schools if they think this is a rare event.

Seems like the DD got panicked at a situation, some autistic kids with PDA traits for example can feel very stressed and pressured by praise and attention, and then the DD took flight. This would be the concern to me- DC getting so stressed they are leaving the school without permission. DC needs not being fully understood by the school.

As a parent I would be wanting the school to work with me to make sure there is somewhere staffed in school that is quiet and calm for overwhelmed kids to go to. It’s well known that DC with autism can take longer to attain emotional maturity or emotional resilience, not sure of the the right word for that. But chronological age appropriate expectations are unlikely to be in appropriate in some situations, and I would be wanting to try to get school to understand that within reasonable limits.

Hope your DD isn’t too stressed by this and thinking she is a bad person because of it any more OP. The key thing she needs not to lose is her confidence that school want her there and they want to help her do her best at school. Of course she’s not a bad person, she was out of her comfort zone unwittingly on her part and she was put there unwittingly on the part of the school. Hopefully she can see that it was a one off and move past this.

@Soontobe60 you may not personally mind being told to fuck off, but other people do. And personally I take the wellbeing of the staff I manage seriously, and I wouldn't just shrug off this sort of behaviour towards them with 'it's ok, don't worry, you won't melt'

My son sat his Alevels over 3 years without an EHCP, lots of kids do.

Mhm not sure. Would Op's dd have sworn at a large, heavy masculine looking male teacher? Because the consequences of that are instinctively more dangerous than shouting abuse at female teachers.

Shouting abuse is unacceptable whether disabled or not. Why do your dd's needs trump the teachers need to feel save with her dignity intact?

If your dd can't behave, she is not in the right environment for her. Also, you focus a Loy on academic brightens but if your dd is not able to control her anger and aggression, those 9s aren't going to get her far.

Perhaps, scale it all down, talk to her about being a rounded individual.