Too strict on my teen

Parents who don't have restrictions on phones or filters are so incredibly naive stupid

My son is 14 and we parent almost exactly the same, no social media, homework days agreed, tracking, the main difference is I do allow higher age rating films and tv if I've checked the parents guide and am happy with them, some 15s especially from years ago are absolutely fine. He's a happy child who is still happy to spend most evenings with us, I have no qualms with how we raising him and have had nothing but compliments from friends and family.

Plenty time yet for your DS to grow up. Bear in mind once they see something unsavoury online they can't unsee it. You are definitely sparing your DS a lot of grief by keeping life as simple as possible. SM is just a nuisance.

Remember boundaries and rules also give security and though they may not know it, teens really do need this. Keep the open conversations going and negotiate the boundaries together as needed.
My daughter is 16 and we have each other on tracker as much for convenience (when to put the spuds on when on way home for dinner 🤣) as safety and certainly not out of mistrust
I have allowed her to watch older films say watch a 15 film when 14 if I’ve checked out the content and watched with her so we can discuss / I could turn off if necessary and now similarly having conversations about some 18 films (horror) she wants to watch at Halloween. .
Sounds like you’re doing a great job.

Honestly, I can’t imagine growing up in the age of social media.
Your son sounds great.
Are you happy with him? Is he happy with you?
Great. Ignore the outside noise.
I had a cousin whom I was very close to. Our mothers were sisters but very different parents.
Thank goodness. My mum was much stricter and her mum was very into the “upper class” stuff. lol my cousin wasn’t, though, so they were a bit of a mess.
I think you should let your conscience be your guide and that will always serve you well.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
And don’t let any fast-talking repairman tell you it’s broken. ❤️

That sounds fine. You're still letting him chat/play with friends

@BlueMum16

my friends still does! The whole Emily shares it & she's told her 3 kids there's no reason not to as her & their Dad have it too 🙄🙄her eldest is 20 middle 18 & youngest 16.

she still watches the 20yo & regularly watches her going home from friend & rings her to ask why she's not home yet (at like 10:30). The middle one is just off the uni now.

urghhh

I'm with you OP rather than your sister's style of parenting.

Of course there's a balance to be had and I've not always found it with my son growing up. (No dad around).

But that's life. We're all just muddling through basically.

It's ok for him to be nervous though, it's actually normal and what you want. For them to be nervous, and cautious, and then gradually become more confident.

Going further afield because you think there is someone to rescue you is not the same thing at all.

I think one of the sad aspects of modern life is the hurry for kids to grow up. People treat 11 and 12 year olds like they’re already teenagers.

So if your DS is still quite ‘young’ then your parenting sounds spot on. The tricky bit is to navigate gradually giving them more independence as they get older. And recognising when strictness is starting to drift towards control.

I’ve got an 18yo who is off to Uni in a few months so I’m practicing not being unnecessarily nosy about the details of her life. I need to know if she’s coming home tonight, if she’s joining us for dinner, if she’s remembered her key or needs to borrow the car. I don’t need to know exactly where’s she’s going and who with.

Same age son. We’re doing similar to you re social media etc. However, we are letting them watch a few things that are beyond their age (with guidance from us of course) and it’s been good so far as it’s opened up conversations. A few things we’ve had to decide to stop watching but mainly it’s been positive as they’re going to be exposed to a lot when with other friends so we feel more in control this way. You know your son and what works for you all. Sounds like you’re doing a great job!

I'm quite strict albeit not quite as strict as you. We give a little more social media but that's about it. If I were solely up to me, I'd cancel the social media! My sis on the other hand gives full access to all her children & is very relaxed. There's a year between us so we have the same childhood. I find that I'm a worrier & have had some not nice experiences that I want to protect my kids from. My sis is the sort of person who always lucks out/lands on her feet so I think her mindset is more relaxed. For example I don't let the kids stay over anywhere, abusers are usually people we know. Compared to my sis who would let her kids stay anywhere!

I guess we all react differently to things. I admire you turning your bad experience into something positive for your DS.

Yes, I figured it was for safety. Does it actually make him more safe - I am skeptical.

I think though as kids grow up they need to know they are actually on their own, and no one is watching them. It's important for their development in a lot of ways.

It's only three years until he can drive, or get a job. So many kids now go away from home and are deeply anxious because they have never really had to rely on themselves, and had the opportunity to experience that they can rely entirely on themselves and be successful.

You can't learn that stuff by being told, it has to be experienced, and it's best to start with smaller steps. Like walking home from school or meeting friends.

Do his friends chat on social media? It's good in theory not to allow it, but it could mean he feels a bit left out. I have teens and, like it or not, it is an important thing for them.

Sounds perfect to me. I recently had 3 hours of inset training on social media, online safety, cyber bullying, grooming etc and, by the time it was over, I'd never been more thankful that I don't have children. It was genuinely terrifying and sickening. Tick Tock is the worst. It's a platform that I don't know at all but some of the things young people (and especially young boys, unfortunately) are regularly exposed to on there are horrifying. I would keep your son free from it for as long as he will let you.

Sorry I know this isn't the point of the thread but did you and your sister not have similar childhoods?

Your parenting style sounds fine to me.