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Original poster

To be really struggling with my dad's new relationship?

34 replies

CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:20

And I don't know how to deal with the conflicting feelings or change to the family dynamic

My dad started seeing a woman 4 months ago. The consequence was he and my mum have had this weird on and off pseudo relationship for years after divorce.

So they would go on holidays together and my dad would often spend time at her house/my childhood home.

After 15 years of this companionship he has overnight got serious about this woman. My mum has been dropped as a companion while he is off romancing this lady on lots of trips away etc. My mum is lonelier because of it although she needs to focus on herself.

He is giddy and expects me to be happy for him but I feel as though my parents have just split up! Last year they were on holidays and now I just have to accept that's all over and be happy for him?

OP posts:
Original poster
CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:43

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo they've only been together 4 months but have already been on several trips. It seems to have heated up fast.

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ForeverPombear · 24/09/2024 21:42

It sounds like he's been stringing her along and keeping her around until he found someone 'better' and has now thrown her away.

I know he was technically single and they were divorced but I feel really sorry for you and your Mum. Your poor Mum must feel awful.

Original poster
CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:42

@Northernsoul72 he is still making plans to see just me.

Although last weekend me, him and my mum happened to be at the same event so we had dinner together after.

He didn't mention the woman once, so it's like he is hiding her. My mum only knows because I told her and she cried!

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SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 24/09/2024 21:42

Gosh, how upsetting for you and for your mum. It's like the original breakup all over again, only clearer cut. I don't see that you need to meet this woman until you feel ready. It may not even last very long.

Northernsoul72 · 24/09/2024 21:39

I don't think you pretend but I think its equally ok to say you are glad he is happy ( if you are), but equally it feels sad that he's not around as such, or that the family dynamic has changed etc. And just see what he says

Original poster
CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:34

I don't know how to support him in his new relationship while justifiably letting myself be sad. Do I pretend for him?

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Original poster
CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:33

@Butterfly43 thank you. At first I tried to convince myself it was silly to be upset.

Then I burst into big heaving sobs in front of my partner last weekend 🙁

The thing is what do I say to him? He isn't asking me to meet her. Its just him giddily talking about their holidays when he always went with my mum before that is upsetting. It's like I'm supposed to just be happy but I'm sad and I don't know what to say.

My dad has had 2 other relationships, my mum did briefly but not as much.

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Butterfly43 · 24/09/2024 21:28

This must be really hard for you (and your mum) and sounds like a really strange dynamic. I would feel the same and would struggle to accept such a sudden change. Have either of them had other relationships at all since they got divorced? I think you're well within your rights to tell your dad you need some time to adjust to such a sudden change if he starts pressuring you to meet the new woman/be super happy for him. Could you go to the concert with your mum instead?

Original poster
CallyT · 24/09/2024 21:21

It's also upsetting because he is due to go to a concert with my mum next month but now tells me he will need to cancel our of respect to his partner.

I know it also means our Christmases are over too. They divorced years ago but didn't act like it so it feels to me like its just happening or like he is cheating or something!

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