To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

My DH does pay for his DSD's ed.
Assuming it's a long term and good relationship he has with his step child, there is a special place in hell for him if he uses them as a pawn in a separation.
If him stopping doing so is against a backdrop of him not being flush with cash/ limited relationship etc, then it's on you. Does he have PR? Otherwise I don't know if you can force him to continue.

Right? While my stepdad has, generally, been great... I have my own father, thank you very much!

Currently, my step father has been very generous to me and my brother, regarding an inheritance he is receiving, but he is under no obligation to do so, and I definitely would not have expected it if he and my mom had separated!

This. Unless the child has been legally adopted by the step parent, they have no parental or financial responsibility to them.

This is something that should have been considered before committing to putting a child through private school if it was dependent on a step parent paying for it.

Very few stepfathers stay in their stepchildren's lives after splitting up with the mother. They generally tolerate their stepchildren and then disappear once the relationship is over.

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

I expect the actual parent would beg to differ in this.

I think that once a person starts paying school fees, it's awful to just stop - this is the children's lives and they are innocent parties, not pawns in a couple's break up! So with that in mind, I don't think anyone should be making that commitment unless they have the money and commitment to see it through.

Whether a step parent should pay the fees, is very much dependent on the relationship, the other commitments the step parent has and their individual circumstances. For me, marriage is an 'all in' arrangement and I would want all the children in the home to be treated equally by both adults, when it comes to school options and division of 'our' money. But so much depends on the individual circumstances that you can't say a definitive yes or no.

But this is the issue! A separation is literally a purposeful breaking apart of the family unit. The only thing still binding you all together is sharing the same blood.

Oh wait.

Not all income is family income when stepchildren are involved. I’d say it’s more common for blended families to keep separate finances, and/or make contributions to a joint account that reflect the individual financial responsibilities of each party. A stepparent may choose to contribute, but they can equally choose not to.

What a batshit idea.

This is CFery of the highest order - so much so that I wonder if you’re my friend’s ex wife.

My friend James married Sophie. Sophie had three kids with her ex, Mark.

When James moved in, Mark reduced the amount of maintenance he paid. And then reduced it again. And again, to the point that it didn’t cover the kids’ school fees.

Sophie didn’t work, which is a whole other thread.

James stepped in and paid the school fees, because he didn’t want the kids to go through the upheaval of new schools. Bear in mind these are not his children and not his financial responsibility.

When James and Sophie split up, he offered to pay her alimony. She took him to court because the amount he offered wasn’t enough to cover her mortgage, her living expenses and the kids’ school fees. Again, she doesn’t work, won’t get a job, and these are not James’s children.

She won her case. James was ordered to pay her enough to cover all of these things because (and I’m quoting the judge): “when you married her, you agreed to provide a certain lifestyle for her and her children. Now that you’ve split up, you’re still obliged to provide that.”

James couldn’t afford the monthly payments plus his own rent and living expenses. He went bankrupt and eventually had a breakdown. He was in hospital for a while and almost died.

Sophie remains furious that he ‘pretended to be ill to get out of his obligations’.

Again: not his children.

On the plus side, the kids are now adults and see their mother for what she is. And James has a closer relationship with them than they do with either of their parents...

*Names changed.

No.

If you are a family unit then all income is household income and if the household can afford school fees that's fine. If the household income is mostly from step parent that's still fine.

If you stop being a family unit and go your separate ways then the divorce settlement will divide the assets of the marriage appropriately between the two sides but the children will not be seen as the responsibility of their step-parent. They will remain with their actual parent obviously and if that parent can still afford school fees then that's fine. If not then the school may provide a partial bursary to get the child to the next natural transition point (y7/y9/y12) but no the step parent wouldn't pay.

Eighteen years, eighteen years
(not) got one of your kids got you for eighteen years

She take my money when I'm in need
Yea she's a triflin' friend indeed
Oh she's a gold digger way over town
That digs on me

I personally would but then I would expect 50/50 access to my DSS alongside my biological child if me and my DH split (He hasn't seen his BM for 9 years and even before that it was sporadic and supervised, I met him 12 years ago, I am his mum, he is 13) however our situation is a rare one.

In most situations then no, I wouldn't think it was appropriate. I would expect that to be the job of the biological parents.

I know someone whose step grandparents paid for her and their grandson / her half brother to go to a private school and continued to pay when their son and her mother separated. But that's extraordinarily generous.

No

Absolutely not. Especially if separated. Send them to state school. No problem them!

If there was another biological child between parent/step parent to be privately educated then potentially yes depending on circumstances however this would have to be discussed prior to having said child and ideally the fees written into some form of prenup so the step child/ren wouldn’t experience further disruption in the event of separation.
The choice of school thought should be decided between both biological parents.
Would be a sticky situation ideally avoided and definitely not to be expected. Would be better to move at an appropriate time to a home in the catchment of great schools.

Denying some children opportunities because they aren’t available to all can also create tension. When siblings don’t all share the same parents there are inevitably going be to differences between them and it’s disingenuous to pretend otherwise.

May aswell claim child maintence aswell off them 🙄😂😂. Such a strange hypothetical question, who would even think to ask it 😂

But if you're in the UK there's no need to pay for education until the age of 19, so job's a good'un....

😂

If they were a multi millionaire / very wealthy then it would be generous and kind to offer. However, the step parent has absolutely no obligation to pay for school fees.

Unless the SC's non resident birth partner is actually dead and they've been adopted by the SP, there is of course a massive difference. Why are you pretending there isn't?