To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

Isn't it just. Very convenient how OP believes there should be "no distinction" between parent and stepparent when she's benefiting financially. However I'm sure the very obvious distinction would soon be highlighted if ex stepfather decided he had an opinion on how they were being raised by OP. Funny that... 🙄

Legally, if you separate, he doesn't have to be part of your child's life one bit.

Definitely no...he shouldn't HAVE to pay.

Not only then, surely.

In this situation a lot depends on how long the step parent has been involved in the child's life, what expectations were there from the start and, most of all, can the expense be easily afforded.

It's funny how 'we are a family' is mentioned when money is involved

No, the children’s parents are responsible for their education. In the event of a break up particularly, the step parent is unlikely to be playing much of a future role in their lives, and is certainly not responsible for funding their schooling.

absolutely not. It's for the parents to pay! is this a serious question???

I think there is a difference between things like buying Christmas presents for grandchildren and step grandchildren if the alternative is for a child to sit there with no presents and paying school fees. I doubt a step grandparent would cough up 100s of thousands of ££ for school fees for children who presumably have their own other grandparents and parent. Emotionally being kind to all children of the family equally is different from paying out for step children.

Something tells me the OP is not happy with the replies..

Yes, I do and while he's at it he can pay for me to go on a 2 week cruise and have my hair done every 4 weeks, because I see no distinction between a strangers money and my own.....

Of course he shouldn't. They are not his kids and he certainly has absolutely no requirement to financially support them if you divorce!

It slightly depends on the relationship with the child. Stepfather from birth/young baby who brings up the child as his own and child sees step father as their only father (biological father out of the picture). Then you might have a point but otherwise no.

We have considered it but the only problem is his BM comes out of the woodwork if she gets reminded she has a child. She is quite a dangerous woman and we haven't heard from her now for a few years and she would obviously be notified and would no way willingly give up the rights even though she isnt involved. We have said that if she pops up again then we will just broach it then. At the least for me to get PR. But in all honesty, the age he is now I am not too worried. I used to stress when he was young if something happened to my DH what would happen but now I am less worried.

No, they have two parents who are responsible for the financial decisions they make. DH has no legal right to make decisions about how they are educated and therefore no responsibility to pay for the choices you and their father made.

But where does it stop? If the relationship breaks down and he leaves and subsequently becomes step parent to another child is he liable for their school fees as well?

No how ridiculous. Pay for your own kids!

Shameless place marking 😅

This is really sweet to hear. One of my best friends considers his stepmom his mother and would fight anyone who says otherwise. Have you looked into adopting him if it's a possibility?

I don't think anyone should do anything in this scenario, it is a decision you make as a family about what is best for your family situation while you all live together/share finances, once you are no longer a family unit and no longer share finances, it shouldn't be assumed that things like school fees will still come out of the family pot as it may no longer be affordable.

Is this a reverse?

Umm, no?

If you and OH (kids stepdad) separated, would you still allow him to have a say in how the kids are raised, what they eat, what hobbies they have, what their curfew is, etc? No, because that's none of his business if you're not a family unit anymore. So why should it remain his business paying their school fees, what would he get in return? Nada.

Also he shouldn't pay for them even if you're still together. The kids have two parents, up to you two to get better paying jobs / forgo your own material needs if you want your OWN children to have private schooling. Jeez!

No stop being a cheeky cow they are your kids not his you pay the school fees or find them a new school. Can’t believe you actually think he should continue to pay the school fees for kids that aren’t even his next you’ll wanting child support off him.

No and no

If the child’s actual parents feel so strongly then they can pay for them

This thread is fascinating. Into a few weeks ago a woman was torn to shreds for suggesting her parents don’t feel the same way about step grandchildren as their grandchildren.

If this was grandparents would they have to pay for step grandchildren’s school fees? I bet I will be told yes - if they are paying for their grandchildren they have to pay for step grandchildren because there should be no difference!

lol, no. Free education is available.

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

And yet there is one.