To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

You're missing the glaringly obvious part that they are no longer step children.

The dynamic of being a step parent/having a step child is created by the marriage of an actual parent of the child to a total random person (in relation to the child).

These roles only exist during the marriage.

The marriage is over. There is no step parent any more. Nor a step child. It's just an unrelated child and adult who are no longer connected via another adult.

The now unrelated adult may still have a fondness to the unrelated child, may keep in touch if the child is old enough to maintain their own communications. But ex step child isn't a position to be financially accounted for by an unrelated adult. ESPECIALLY when the actual parents are poncing parasites who won't pay for their offspring but expect the unrelated adult too.

It's only these freeloading types that want to pretend "they'd be the same in my eyes" when it's never them who would be paying out. Always very generous with their imaginary money they'll never have.

No.
That aside, I have never been a parent, step parent or jumped with or without a parachute.
😁

If I had the money I would buy my child a country

Well not really but this is about as illogical as what you are speaking of

I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent.

Right. So you’d be happy with your DC spending their Christmas and birthdays with their ex step parent? You’d be happy to sit alongside them at the top table at their wedding? Happy for them to take them
to the doctors and make decisions re their care?

I think the first depends on how family finances are set up and financial involvement from the biological father.

The second?
How bizarre. Absolutely not.

So the step parent is financially tied to the step children for the rest of their education???

No - it was a benefit that was an extension of the relationship. Once the relationship ends so does his obligation to his ex. The step children are his exes. Just like I wouldn’t expect him to continue making car payments.

It's very easy to spend money you don't have.

In reality, any money you spend is a choice not to spend it elsewhere. If you are spending ~£20k a year in order to put one or more stepchildren through private school, that's money that you're NOT spending on putting aside security for your old age or into trust for your own children.

I love my stepdaughter, any home I live in is her home too, she's welcome any time at any age. However, financially, she's not my responsibility.

What an incredibly entitled attitude! If the parents can't afford private school fees, then the child will need to go to a state school.

If step parents volunteer to pay, that's fine, but it should be entirely their choice, no obligation. And there should be some clear provision agreed for what will happen if the relationship breaks down.

It's easy to spend imaginary money on hypothetical children isn't it?

No, I think this is a ridiculous view tbh.

It's widely unrealistic to expect someone to spend that amount of money on the dc of an ex, potentially to the detriment of their own dc.

That's lovely if you would willingly do it. As this thread has demonstrated, not everyone would feel the same.

There's also a difference between being willing to do something, and expecting something of someone else. And many of us tend to find that someone expecting something of us makes us infinitely less willing to do it! As no one likes to be taken for granted.

Of course he should. He should also still be taking his ex mother and father in law on holiday! ( Why should they forego a holiday because their daughter decided to divorce?)
He should also most definitely be paying for the DSC's weddings ( I mean he was presumably going to contribute towards it when he was married ) and then set up a trust fund with the DSC' s kids as beneficiaries. And don't forget once the DSC' divorce he would be responsible for their ex-spouses and their new children too
He would need to step up and be a grandfather for goodness sake!
I mean he was once married to their exes mother!

What seems to be wanted from step parents is to act like a parent when wanted but yhen to step out of the picture when not wanted.

It is unfair and unreasonable.

Not allowed to discipline, or to attend school performances, or to have opinions, but wanted to pay, step in for childcare, have parents who treat equally etc.l

Step parents have to be everything and nothing.

The argument in that thread was the grandparents were mobsters for not feeling exactly the same about the step grandchildren as their own.

lots of people came on and made all sorts of nasty comments about the grandparents.

they claimed the grandparents should treat these children like their biological or adopted grandchildren.

people got very angry at any suggestion of hat step grandchildren had a different status.

i suspect it was mostly mothers who wanted to ensure their children benefited from every advantage the grandparents bestowed on their grandchildren.

Has he adopted them?

OP, you seem to be thinking of step parenting being akin to adopting, but it isn't.

When parents of children aren't together and form new relationships, their children still have two parents who share financial and decision making responsibility for their children (unless there is a court order saying otherwise). The schools they attend and associated costs need to be addressed by the two parents.

If a 'step child' is adopted by the parent (presumably due to death or other legal action removing the rights and responsibilities of a biological parent), then they make joint decisions and take joint responsibility for costs both when with the other parent and beyond and separation/divorce.

I think one of the things that can make co-parenting difficult for parents and children is a lack of shared understanding about the above.

A step parent can have a great relationship with a step child that can be rewarding to both, but this should be recognised as coming with fundamentally different rights and responsibilities to the legal parents. I think people often think the right thing with blended families is to try and equalise the roles so step parents and parents within a single household treat the children the same. This isn't possible when there is another parent outside the household who holds rights and responsibilities.

Yes-see the section "supporting your child's application ".

www.ucas.com/student-finance-england/student-finance-guidance-parents-and-partners

That's a stupid system, if it excludes the income of ex partners who are the actual parents. Are you sure it's correct? My ex paid his half of student support.

The system works of household income so that's logical

Expect - no.

If both biological parents oat for indie school I would expect a SP to accept that the spouses money was going towards it if it didn't mean the family lived uncomfortably.

If a SP offered to support a child through indie school with their spouse I don't see a problem but it shouldn't be expected to continue if they split.

My aunt (she was still married at the time and not in the Uk) ended up contributing significant sums to a step child education due to an agreement her husband had with his ex. She then wasn’t able to give her own children the same level of support and ended up divorced. If he had then turned around and suggested she should keep contributing I thin’ she would have actually murdered him.

*why can't

OP, out of interest, why can you or the kids father pay their school fees?

No to both . Where's the real dad and his wallet