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Original poster

To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

306 replies

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:20

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 25/09/2024 22:11

Try2makeadifference · 25/09/2024 18:41

This is absolutely not accurate. The title of step parent specifically indicates no biological or legal responsibility for a child. There seems to have become a belief otherwise but legally that is the case.

Show quote history

Then I stand corrected. What happens if the biological parent dies leaving their children in the care of the step-parent? Presumably social services remove them since there is no relationship. NB try marrying your step-daughter - you will need her mother to be dead and will need an act of parliament.

Toptops · 25/09/2024 21:33

No and no!!!!
What a crazy question!

Beautiful3 · 25/09/2024 20:06

No to both.

newfriend05 · 25/09/2024 19:58

That is the job of the biological parents

Purplecatshopaholic · 25/09/2024 19:56

School fees are a parents responsibility not a step parent. Fees should be split between the two bio parents (unless some other arrangement is agreed between the parents). I’m not paying a step child’s school fees and would find it bizarre if anyone thought I would.

DadJoke · 25/09/2024 19:48

If I were a hypothetical OP, I would give generously to charity, live a humble life and be a paragon of virtue in all things.

ConstanceM · 25/09/2024 19:39

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:20

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

No, your biological child, your fees. Once you've separated it's not his financial concern any more. Pretty rude to even suggest he should maintain the fees burden.

Laura95167 · 25/09/2024 19:35

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:20

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

Morally I think it depends. Broadly no, not his problem. But I have a friend who's "dad" is her stepdaughter. He treats her and her (half)siblings the same and has known her since she was a toddler.

If he was sending his DC it would include her.

So I think there's nuances, how old were DSC when their step-parent came on the scene? Does step parent have a parent role?

As for if the marriage breaks down they defo aren't obliged to but again the relationship matters, and it would be considerate to help at least short term if the slip and withdrawal from school could impact the DSCs future I think there could be some short term support. Although again depends on the relationship and how reasonable the split was.

GivingitToGod · 25/09/2024 19:32

ABirdsEyeView · 24/09/2024 23:08

I think that once a person starts paying school fees, it's awful to just stop - this is the children's lives and they are innocent parties, not pawns in a couple's break up! So with that in mind, I don't think anyone should be making that commitment unless they have the money and commitment to see it through.

Whether a step parent should pay the fees, is very much dependent on the relationship, the other commitments the step parent has and their individual circumstances. For me, marriage is an 'all in' arrangement and I would want all the children in the home to be treated equally by both adults, when it comes to school options and division of 'our' money. But so much depends on the individual circumstances that you can't say a definitive yes or no.

Brilliant post

SemperIdem · 25/09/2024 19:32

Absolutely not.

There is a distinction between biological/adipted and step children. “Step parent” is a meaningless title that bequeaths precisely zero obligation to the person in question, beyond those they choose for themselves. Quite different to having PR for a child via biology or adoption.

GivingitToGod · 25/09/2024 19:31

LePetitMaman · 24/09/2024 21:22

What utter craziness is this?

Absolutely not. Pay for your own children. Or get their actual dad too.

Or even better, send them to state school like 93% of children.

MassiveOvaryaction · 25/09/2024 19:28

If the decision is jointly made between parent/step-parent, like if step-parent was involved before dc was school aged, then possibly. But if child already at fee-paying school before step-parent is a thing then I'd say no.

Londonmummy66 · 25/09/2024 19:08

The only time I could see it possibly being reasonable is if the mother had to move abroad for the new husband's job and that necessiated the DSC going to a private school(eg an international one in the Gulf). It might be reasonable to hope that the new ex would continue to pay fees if the separation happened in an exam year.

Serp12 · 25/09/2024 19:07

Absolutely not!!!

Sleepytiredyawn · 25/09/2024 19:01

But what if for eg, over say, 10 years, you had two relationships and had Step Children in both and both of these relationships came to an end and your about to embark on another relationship with more Step Children. Should this person pay for what could be nearly 10 children that aren’t theirs?

VivienneBMama · 25/09/2024 18:50

Sorry i don’t really get this. How long has he been SD for? Is he particularly wealthy?

I don’t think as a rule anyone should be forced to pay school fees and it seems a little odd to demand it.

VickyPollard25 · 25/09/2024 18:47

I dated a man for only a few months who tried to start a conversation about me paying his child’s school fees. I shut it down immediately. Utter CF. No way am I paying school fees for a child that isn’t mine and I wouldn’t expect someone else to pay for mine.

Rottweilermummy · 25/09/2024 18:45

I wouldn't expect any step parent to pay for anything relating to their step children unless they wanted to and certainly not after a split, Only exception maybe if children were very small when got together and you'd been together a long time,

LoveLifeBeHappy · 25/09/2024 18:42

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:20

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

Would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children.

No, they're not his children; it's their father's responsibility.

Would you expect him to continue to pay school fees if you separated

YABU, and taking the piss.

Try2makeadifference · 25/09/2024 18:41

Grammarnut · 24/09/2024 21:58

If you are married his step-children have a legal relationship with him and that remains until/unless you divorce. I'd expect him to continue to support all his children because he is legally the parent of the step-children.
If you're not married, no, why should he pay for children he has neither blood nor legal relationship to?

This is absolutely not accurate. The title of step parent specifically indicates no biological or legal responsibility for a child. There seems to have become a belief otherwise but legally that is the case.

August1980 · 25/09/2024 18:41

The gall of some people!

BooBooDoodle · 25/09/2024 18:32

Nope, they aren’t his children. Get the Bio parent to pay and you pay. Hard no and I can’t believe you’re asking this question. A wee bit of cheeky fuckery here.

funinthesun19 · 25/09/2024 18:19

Some parents get far too comfortable when it comes to stuff like this. There’s always that chance that the relationship will break down, so why would someone sign their child up to private school based on the income of someone who isn’t their parent? If the relationship breaks down then the stepparent’s income goes with it.

Kjpt140v · 25/09/2024 18:09

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:32

Did I say this was about me?

Its purely a hypothetical

Show quote history

Yeh, right.

Donsyb · 25/09/2024 18:07

OP this seems to me like a strange subject to have a “hypothetical” question about! What prompted it?

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