To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

Honestly I don't think people think enough about this stuff before blending families. It's very hard to make everything exactly fair, impossible almost, since you can't control how much money a child gets from their other parents side.

Slightly different scenario but I do wonder sometimes with "ours" babies, when they have half siblings who get the same from their parents as they do and then has the same from another parent too. For example, kids getting equal presents at Christmas. Say SK turns up on Xmas Eve with £200 worth of toys and gifts from their Mum and shows them to ours baby. The next morning, SK wakes up to £200 worth of toys and gifts from their Dad and ours baby also gets £200 worth of toys but that's everything from their Mum and Dad. That doesn't feel equal at all to me.

I imagine that would feel even worse with inheritance, if SK inherits say £50k from Mum and £50k from Dad and ours baby inherits £50k from Dad and Mum and that's it. As though their other parent (that isn't SK's parent) hasn't contributed anything above what they've contributed to SK, but SK's parent (that isn't their parent) has contributed the same as their shared parent.

When I've said this before it's explained as some sort of payback to the SK because of the trauma of divorce and being part of a blended family. But that seems like a really weak argument to me, first off that every child must necessarily be traumatised if their parents are not together, and secondly that this trauma can be healed by throwing presents and money at it.

Yeah I always think this when these threads come up and posters get insistent that step and bio children must be considered the same. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for children to expect to feel uniquely special to their parents, and this not to be dependent on whether one or both of said parents are in a relationship with someone that has children.

“you’re my child that I birthed and raised, but now I’m dating someone with children those kids are just as special to me, for as long as I’m together with their mother/father anyway”. Yeah, sounds great.

I just don’t understand the logic of people who post in AIBU, get an overwhelming result against them, and still don’t agree or listen! 🤔

Unless they have adopted the children, no.

As someone who has three step sisters. It really pisses me off when my grabby step mother insists that all children are equal to my dad and deserve the same. It really devalues my relationship with my father. They only came into our lives when they were teens, young adults so he didn't even raise them.

It's purely a hypothetical

I'm not sure if that's the case, but maybe it is. It's a strange post, but as the polls show, you got roasted.

😂😂😂😂

Christ. Absolutely not.

Yes, to the first because you are a family.

No one I know does that...
Where is the father? Why isn't he contributing?

This. Or OP, you could earn your own money. Just a thought. I doubt this is a hypothetical either.

My DD has a stepdad and no I wouldn’t expect this, certainly not after we separate. The onus is on me to pay for things for DD - school trips, clothes, pocket money etc. DP does pay for some of this stuff or goes halves without being asked, which I appreciate but don’t expect. If we did split up I’m sure he would continue to have a relationship with DD as he loves her and she loves him, but I certainly wouldn’t expect him to continue to contribute financially to anything. I think that’s very rare that a stepparent separated from their partner would.

Family means what we choose it to mean. Lots of people love their in-laws like their own parents - others consider them purely the relation of their spouse and nothing to do with themselves. Same in step family situations, hence all the controversy about how much/little responsibility step parents should have for childcare etc, the argument over whether grandparents should view step dc as 'proper' grandchildren.

I think a biological parent would be mad to rely on step parent financing school unless the relationship is really really solid or the money has been put in some kind of separate trust which cannot be taken back. If the relationship is shaky or the step parent isn't the type to view the kids as theirs, it is putting the children's security at risk.
Step parents aren't exactly the same as parents and as the actual parent the children are ultimately your responsibility - you have to always think ahead and make the best possible choices for them because in the end the buck stops with you.

Nope. I have never contributed towards DSC school fees. I contribute towards my own only. They are for their parents to support

According to who?

My dad's other kids with other women are not my family. My stepdad is not my family. I don't view any of them as such.

Yes, to the first because you are a family. Blended but family.
No, to the second because once the family bond is broken its over.

Although a step parent may have some duty to pay for step children while he is with their mother I think that any obligation once they have separated would be the bare minimum and not include expensive school
fees when there is a perfectly acceptable free alternative.

Absolutely not

They are not his children so why should he pay for them

Just to add, why do you think child should go to a private school ? What's wrong with a state school? Fine if you or child's biological father can afford it, but if not why should some other poor f**r have to pay?
Do you think you're too posh for a state school? Obvs not if your expecting some one else to psy. Iam astounded at the cheeky fuckery of this!!

Has to be a reverse, surely?

So what happens if mother and stepfather divorce and stepfather finds that he can't afford to purchase a home for himself and also fund private education for his stepchildren? is he expected to move into rented accommodation and use his divorce settlement to fund this private education?

Or step father remarries and has his first biological child. Is he expected to pay for private education for your children when it would mean that he can't afford to pay for private education for his own child?

Why aren't you looking to the children's biological father to fund their education?

Absolutely not!

Not if you're separated!

Why ask if you’re going to argue your right?

Nope and nope. Unless they where going to adopt them so have a legal responsibility then nope and you’d be an idiot to accept a step paying when they can just walk away and stop paying.