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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should pay for DSC school fees

306 replies

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:20

Just wanted to get your thoughts on this: would you expect your husband to pay school fees for your children / his step children?

If yes, would you expect his to continue to pay school fees if you separated?

My response would be yes to both.

Youre a family, and therefore everything should be shared equally. If you did separate, you should continue to pay the fees the same way you would for your biological children.

Edit: the same would apply if the genders were reversed.

OP posts:
mitogoshigg · 24/09/2024 21:35

No on both counts as private education is an option

Chickychoccyegg · 24/09/2024 21:33

Lol, you are obviously very grabby.
Dc's actual parents are responsible for paying for dc, not step parents and certainly not if you split up 😂

Werecat · 24/09/2024 21:33

Hell no.

Neodymium · 24/09/2024 21:33

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/09/2024 21:30

I don't think you can generalise these things, each case depends on the individual circumstances

Eg two kids close in age, both living in the step family full time, the step children are living like full siblings and I think it would be unfair to pay for one child and not the other

However if one parent was paying for step child long before step siblings came on the scene and only ever budgeted for this, and his new wife expects him to start paying for her children, when their own dad is still involved, then no I don't think it should be expected

She’s talking about if they broke up though - should the step parent still pay for school fees for step kids once they have broken up.

very few instances where I would agree. Maybe if the stepfather was extremely wealthy and is the one who insisted on the stepkids going to private school, and they have been there a long time then maybe he should pay for them to finish. But generally no.

Beezknees · 24/09/2024 21:33

Nope, absolutely not.

DoreenonTill8 · 24/09/2024 21:32

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 24/09/2024 21:24

Time for one of my favourite MN games: Reverse or batshit crazy?

Always one or t'other on here! (Often both!)

Original poster
Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:32

Teisen1990 · 24/09/2024 21:26

Tricky but thats your opinion.
Factually and legally they have no right to access or any say about their health, education etc etc. The payoff for this lack of parental responsibility is that there is no obligations.
Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too

Show quote history

Did I say this was about me?

Its purely a hypothetical

OP posts:
StudioCreate · 24/09/2024 21:32

Maybe if a blended family - all children should be treated the same but not once separated

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 24/09/2024 21:31

I'm relatively certain this must be a reverse because no one could be this sure they’re in the right with this scenario and opinion.

For the record, YABU. My husband hasn’t and won’t be adopting my children but he does treat them as his own, he’s brilliant. Even so, if we ever split up I wouldn’t expect or really want him to have a financial obligation to them. I wouldn’t expect him to spend school fees kind of money on them now either. A huge commitment for anyone to have.

GinForBreakfast · 24/09/2024 21:31

No to both.

I wouldn't expect an actual parent to pay school fees. It is an exceptional spending decision that you have to commit to paying, after much discussion and consideration.

Fatbottomgardener · 24/09/2024 21:30

No and No. The bio dad needs to step up here.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 24/09/2024 21:30

I don't think you can generalise these things, each case depends on the individual circumstances

Eg two kids close in age, both living in the step family full time, the step children are living like full siblings and I think it would be unfair to pay for one child and not the other

However if one parent was paying for step child long before step siblings came on the scene and only ever budgeted for this, and his new wife expects him to start paying for her children, when their own dad is still involved, then no I don't think it should be expected

Floralnomad · 24/09/2024 21:30

Whilst still living as a family I agree that all children should be treated as equal but once separated / divorced they have no responsibility for step children .

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 24/09/2024 21:30

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:23

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent.

You are a family and you should treat all the children equally.

Show quote history

Tell that to the actual father of the children. They are his responsibility.

ButterCrackers · 24/09/2024 21:29

Of course not. Why should your ex be paying for the kids of another man?

BarbaraHoward · 24/09/2024 21:28

llamali · 24/09/2024 21:26

Don't worry most partners wouldn't want to proclaim themselves their step children's mother

Edited
Show quote history

Well quite!

Dragonsandcats · 24/09/2024 21:28

Of course not, is this a reverse?

llamali · 24/09/2024 21:27

99victoria · 24/09/2024 21:26

My inclination is also to say no but interestingly, when my ex and I divorced my daughter was 14. When I remarried 6 years later and she was at university, my husband's income was taken into account with regard to her student loan. My ex - her father - was not required to contribute financially in any way whatsoever!

Yes this is true they still do this and its awful. I'm not paying a penny towards my dsc's uni fees yet the people who do the figures will assume I will

Cosyblankets · 24/09/2024 21:27

No
Where is the other parent in all of this?

Fastback · 24/09/2024 21:27

You want someone to pay their ex-step children’s school fees? 😂 LOL.

MultiplaLight · 24/09/2024 21:26

The actual parents pay.

You're a CF

Kayla84 · 24/09/2024 21:26

No, absolutely not. I've never paid towards my step children and my husband would never expect it.

llamali · 24/09/2024 21:26

BarbaraHoward · 24/09/2024 21:25

Of course there's a distinction.

Most women wouldn't be happy at all ex's new partner proclaiming herself to be the children's mother!

Show quote history

Don't worry most partners wouldn't want to proclaim themselves their step children's mother

Livinghappy · 24/09/2024 21:26

I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent

The step parent doesn't have PR which is a very important distinction. This means post separation the the step parent has no legal rights to see the child, attend school meetings, hear medical information etc so I doubt they should continue paying for school fees.

Freeasabird76 · 24/09/2024 21:26

Spaceg · 24/09/2024 21:23

Seriously? I don't thing there should be a distinction between parent and step parent.

You are a family and you should treat all the children equally.

Show quote history

Yes but you would say that as you are not paying for your step children(or your own child at present) 🙄

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