To be concerned over DD's weight gain?

YANBU to be concerned but you would be to day anything to her. She will be well aware of her weight gain.

The only way I would approach it is about asking what clubs she's involved in. Uni is a brilliant time to try a load of different sports.

Alcohol = hidden calories and easy on a night out if having cider etc to max out your daily calories.

She's also quite a big snacker so she'd quite often come in from the corner shop over the summer with crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc

Are you assuming that she's put on weight because she's eating too many calories?

Sensitive much 🙂Well done on the weight loss, it's not at all easy.

I wasn't being pedantic, there are just a lot of untruths around weight/fitness/size and so I just wanted to point out that is not necessarily true. I have put on 2 stone and stayed exactly the same clothes size and am surrounded by people in sport the same as me.

Just because you can't see if, doesn't mean it isn't happening and that's why people need to work on lifestyle, not appearances/scale weight.

I'd consider PCOS and thyroid.

Of course

You're right

I was simply balancing out the "everyone puts on weight in their first year of uni"

I'm not advocating weight loss unless it's needed/healthy to lose the weight

Without being rude, she knows she's fat and she is also old enough to lose it if she cares to do so. It would have caused serious issues with my relationship with my mother if she had said anything. I had to come to the decision to lose it when I was ready to do so.

People loosing weight at uni is equally unhealthy, as it can come from a place of insecurity and body image issues. However it's more society accepted when actually anorexia and disordered eating is still a huge issue.

So she largely ate the same as you over summer except maybe a few meals / drinking sessions out?

With a weight gain on 3-4 dress sizes in a year (so probably 3-4 stone), I'd wonder if she was on steroids or anti-psychotic medication tbh, or developed a serious thyroid problem. Everyone gains a stone or so at uni but that much in one year when you're already not slim?

I think THAT is also my point

Mum is anxious not to offend or fat shame

Question doesn't get asked

Thyroid malfunction (for example) goes unmedicated

Big problem

It does for me. Lost 5.5 stone and 5 dress sizes recently.

But there was no need to be pedantic. It’s a rule of thumb measurement. A leap from size 14 to 20/22 is definitely more than a stone. Probably more than 2 stone. That was the point. As was the fact that IF THE DD HAS OTHER SYMPTOMS it may be worth checking her thyroid. I also have hypothyroidism in case you’d like to nit pick that comment too.

Let's not beat around the bush here: she's obese. Going up 3-4 dress sizes in under a year is a lot of drinking and / or eating.

I would raise it somehow with my DD - she'd be angry initially but if I was able to help in any way she would then listen. But it can't be a chastisement. I would also raise it as worry about health rather than weight per se.

At uni I had an undiagnosed under active thyroid maybe it’s worth encouraging some bloods just to check health?

I lost weight at Uni - first time in charge of own meals and lots of walking.

However D1 has put on a bit - not such a huge amount - she developed a hip problem making her wary of walking more, she dislikes cooking for herself and she been put on an anti depressant for anxiety which can cause weight gain. So I can see the reasons so don't need to say anything.

I think your right to be worried but approaching another adult about weight is very hard - so I'd start with a lifestyle checking - check she eating okay giving student recipe books of helping with shopping - mild question about amount drinking etc - thing is she may not want to discuss any of it with you but I'd start with that.

Also think it's not unreasonable to be a bit worried and make it clear she can talk to you if she wants to.

That's a massive amount of weight to put on in such a short time

Health wise it's a worry especially as she's (apparently) not comfort eating because she's sad

I know we're all paranoid about fat shaming and hurting people's feelings but.....
surely you can ask her the question?

The young people I know all lost weight in their first year of uni because they weren't eating

I was your daughter OP- tall, a size 14 before I went, shot up to a size 20 quite quickly.

My mum did nothing but mention it every time I was home, it gave me serious issues around food and weight that I'm only just unlearning now (I'm 38).

She will know she's gained weight. You pointing it out won't achieve anything aside from make her feel self-conscious.

If it helps, I lost most of it quite quickly in later uni years/after graduating as I stopped living like a first year student aka existing on cider and potato waffles.

3 stone does not = 3 dress sizes. Increasing body fat will increase dress size a lot faster than that. Also, you can increase weight and drop dress sizes with a change in body composition.

Weight is such an emotive topic and as much as the people saying "you have a duty to talk to her" are right in a way, but please don't speak to her about her size as being a negative thing, as the chances are she's feeling self conscious about it anyway and being shamed about it (and she will feel shame if you focus on the appearance) will only make her feel worse and encourage bad eating habits/possible disordered eating.

How was her relationship with food been before she went away? She's not a particularly small petite person anyway I guess being a size 14 and short pre uni? Has she always been prone to putting weight on easily? I imagine it's a combination of alcohol, inactivity and eating junk food.

I'd speak to her about budgeting, how uni is going, what a standard week looks like, what she's got planned for life going forward, what living conditions are like etc. A lot of student houses are so grim you wouldn't want to use the kitchen anyway :D so maybe find out how day to day life is looking, find out if she's struggling/wants to improve in any areas of her course/daily life (focus, mood, energy, money(!) will all be affected if she's eating badly) and suggest getting some staple healthy habits in place to improve those areas which will suit her living conditions and you'll find her weight gain will reduce anyway.

In the US they call it ‘the freshers’ fifteen’ because most people gain a stone in their first year at uni. 3 dress sizes correlates to 3 stone, though, which is a significant amount. Is there any chance she might have thyroid problems?

Has she mentioned feeling a bit tired, skin seeming more dry than usual, hair quality changing etc? If so, I would suggest a GP trip just to have her bloods checked on that basis (the GP will then ask if she has gained weight, so you don’t need to raise this as an underlying reason of concern).

It's true they eat badly at uni, mine came home skeletal.

It's difficult because there is no way she isn't aware of this. No-one could be happy with such weight gain so what could you achieve by talking to her?
Weight gained becomes harder to lose as you get older and we are not talking about a few pounds here.
If she were a younger teen I would definately get involved because it's a parent's responsibility that their child is not over or under nourished. At 18 and not in your home most of the time it's different. The trouble is if you do nothing you may regret not trying to help.

I would try to get a picture of her lifestyle- is she cooking or buying junk?
Encourage her to get fit, join sports though the adage you can't exercise away a bad diet is true.

Could you say your worried if she is eating healthy and ask if there is anything you can do to help.
That opens the conversation without it been about weight and looks. I am pretty sure my parents were worried I wasn't eating enough when I came home after the first term and sent me back with lots of home cooked frozen meals for the freezer.
It is easy to under estimate how hard it is to get used to shopping, planning and cooking at 18. Anything you can do to help make it simple may help. A big shop of easy reasonably healthy food at the start of term? Doesn't have to be super wholesome but just easy things so she doesn't keep getting takeaways or filling up on snacks.
Cooking for one in student kitchens means super simple. Omelettes, jacket potatos, pesto pasta, salad- really get back to basics with her and help her come up with a plan.

@chillijam23 Absolutely ok for you to be concerned. Absolutely NOT ok for you to say anything to her.

She will absolutely know she has put on weight and it will be bothering her, but if you raise it with her, she will probably be even more upset about it. She is an adult and she will need to want to lose weight for herself. I'm someone who has struggled with my weight since late teens and would love to be thin

so how much weight did your DC put on at uni?
Did they finish year 1 with an obese BMI?