To be so distraught over child coldsore

OP just wanted to say I suffer from anxiety concerning this too and when I have an actual cold sore I get very worked up about passing it on. That said I have really worked on trying to ride the anxiety out and I do definitely kiss my children when I don't have one.

As other people have said it's a question of weighing up the potential harm you're doing in avoiding kisses and being afraid of germs versus them having cold sores. The real wake up call for me was seeing little signs of anxiety in my own children about germs and deciding enough was enough. I'm much more relaxed now than I was and even though I'm not perfect I've definitely lowered the risk of them being anxious about this stuff themselves.

Good luck and please don't be hard on yourself.

Yeah, this is really interesting.

I'm in my mid 30s and never ever had coldsores. Then after giving birth/being run down I developed my first one. Now never had one since. I clearly must have had the virus for ages, but most of my life never had symptoms - I was very run down after birth so I'm guessing that's why

OP, I say this gently, you need to seek help for your anxiety.

I recognise that level of anxiety. I suffer on an off with acute anxiety and it’s debilitating.

youre a good and loving mother. Many children have cold sores and they’re absolutely fine.

please stop beating yourself up. And as a op mentioned, it could just be an irritated patch of skin

Also OP you said ‘he might spread it to his bits’ - this is from the previous website :

Can I spread a cold sore around myself?
Can I spread a cold sore to a new place on my body? No, this is very unlikely. Once the first infection is over, you will have made antibodies that will prevent you from catching the virus again on your hand, leg, etc. If this was something that happened, every child with a cold sore would have spread it to their hands, or other places on their body. And we don’t see that.

OP I think you are over reacting. The fact is that the majority of people have the Herpes Virus - 7 out of 10 by the age of 25. However, only 1 in 3 people show symptoms. They haven’t found out why this is.

So those of you saying ‘my mum / Nan gave it to me’ it could just be that in your family you are more predisposed to show the symptoms.

There are a lot more facts on this website:
https://herpes.org.uk

DD gets them - they started when she was about 3 - but none of us get them. I don’t know who gave it to her, it’s not something I’ve thought about much. They were worse when she was younger but we’ve got better at managing them. It’s just a fact of life, like some people get acne, or migraines, or constipation, or hayfever, or veruccas… inconvenient and annoying but not life threatening.
We hug and kiss as normal (except when she has a cold sore of course).

There are loads of different cold sore treatments out there, so it’s finding the ones that work for you. We find tea tree oil really helps to dry them up and stop them spreading. She uses the machine too, and Zovirax (but that only really works at the very start). There are loads of other treatment suggestions on the website above.

I think OP you need to try and let go of the guilt. As parents we can only do the best. We’re not perfect and neither are our children. As long as we try our best and love them that’s what’s important.

I have had cold sores for forty years and was in no way " free spirited" - herpes simplex are not an STI... chances are more likely you caught it some other way. Nit that it actually matters because it's a minor inconvenience and nothing more.
Get help, your behaviour and anxiety are not normal.

I’ve had cold sores on my lips since I was a child (I only get them every 6 years ish) yeah they’re annoying but they don’t really do anything?

Also the herpes virus ‘down below’ is a different strain to the ones you get on your lips/mouth

I have just got over my most recent cold sore and I totally understand where you are coming from - they are AWFUL.

I am incredibly careful when I have one - handwashing, any utensils I use going straight into dishwasher, Compeed cold sore plaster on at the first sign. I never kiss my children anywhere near the mouth or nose at any time (only top of head), and don't kiss them at all during an outbreak. They know not to touch my face when I have one.

My grandmother and mother both got them and didn't take these precautions, so I've had them from a young age. I will be gutted if my kids end up with coldsores, but I think I have taken all reasonable precautions. It sounds like you are doing even more, OP - so this really really isn't in any way your fault.

Other than for newborns, I never realised cold sores were a 'thing' until Mumsnet.

I must carry the virus as I've had them but not for about 20 years. My mum and sister get them.

Never really considered whether my kids have the virus.

I put them in the same category as a spot. Annoying but time limited.

When did it become such a big deal? I always assumed the vast majority of people had the potential to get them.

It’s tough when you’ve tried a few different things and are still struggling. As a data point, I’d say SSRIs make me feel worse for 2-3 months initially and then I start to improve at 4-6 months, but I know they don’t suit everyone. There will definitely still be something out there that can help you though so please don’t give up! Lots of great resources shared above - definitely recommend ERP with a good therapist (your classic CBT thought diaries etc can actually be counter-intuitive for people with OCD). This can also take a few goes/different therapists to actually click. Good luck.

Op you mentioned OCD this book is really good, explains a lot of the concepts of ERP which is the treatment for OCD.
this thread is likely OCD wanting you to seek reassurance which OCD feeds off.

www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/

I'd take him to get it tested now (a gum clinic can do if your gp can't) and then you'll know- if he had thre cold sore virus you can celebrate that you can now give him lots of kisses!

My mum gave me cold sores.

just like she gave me brown eyes.

she couldn't help either.

OP - by the age of 40 over 80% of people have coldsores, and by the time you're age 70 I think it's like 95%

So basically everyone will likely catch it. Don't worry about it!

Genital herpes is obviously a bit different - I believe that's only 10% of the population - but you get that from sexual contact, so very unlikely your baby will get that just because he has a coldsore

@Blueberrymuffin8 the device is called herpo therm from Amazon. It's unsuitable for children.

The virus that causes cold sores is so common in the population that even the most saintly person can pick it up so it’s nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do as a teenager.
Tour husband could have it and have no symptoms. As could anyone else who has close contact with your baby.
You do need to get help for your health anxiety OP. This is not normal levels of worry if you wash your hands so much they bleed and you don’t kiss your child at all. There are lots of very effective treatment for anxiety. OCDaction is a good charity with info and a helpline you might want to think about calling or looking at but really, please see your GP.
(GP and OCD sufferer).

Same thing happened with my 1 year old… turns out it was hand foot and mouth, could be that?

Yes you are being dramatic

This.

I don't think you're being dramatic but I have health anxiety too. I've never had a cold sore and imagine I'd have been like you if I did not because you should feel bad, you shouldn't, but I relate to how you feel.

I can almost guarantee you’ve done your baby more damage not showing them affection in the form of kissing them for a year than you have by giving them a coldsore! You really need to seek treatment for your mental health, if not for you then for your poor child

Oh just to add, I am actually a lost cause!!😫

I have the same thought patterns OP and I have GAD, OCD and late diagnosed autism. I have a huge problem with guilt, especially when it comes to my children and dogs. I feel guilty for things that are nothing to do with me, such as the weather! I remember in the past thinking that I was a lost cause; that other people had anxiety and then had a bit of CBT and got over it.

It doesn't really matter how you caught the coldsore virus. Crikey, most of us did some silly things when we were young. I have coldsores and yes, they're a nuisance but there are much better treatments now than when I was young. I assume my mum passed the virus to me but I don't know for sure...it could have been any family member. I really don't see how you could pass on the virus if you're not currently having an outbreak.

Oh OP, please get some help for your health anxieties!

Look at it coldly and logically. If you are terrified of passing disease to your children, then the responsible choice is not to have any, rather than have them but never kiss them and antibac your skin raw before touching them.

You chose to have DC, so now you must urgently deal with your anxiety, instead of allowing it to warp the way you care for your children and adversely shape their development.