To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

The fertility rate in the UK in 2023 was 1.49 live births per woman, well below replacement rate of 2.1.

However, more than half of those (51.4%) were children born to unmarried women.

So if left to married women, our fertility rate would be 0.75 live births.

Perhaps it is time to stop berating women for having children outside marriage, accept that is now the norm, and put proper support in place to the benefit of the whole community.

Or end up with a man who thinks he’s owed sex by his wife because he was told that it’s just for a ‘loving committed relationship’.

On the contrary. I think most women care very much. I'm not sure I can say the same about most men.

Which is why most women stick by their children, sacrifice careers and personal lives, work all hours to provide for those children. Supporting those women when they are abused or facing childcare challenges would be a far more sensible approach.

What do you mean? That sounds like you’re saying abortion is a contraceptive choice.

Yes we should shame the abandoning fathers more. It's not about the sex. I was in a decent relationship,.... then son grows up with significant challenges. No school place so I have to stop work and care for him. Ex literally said I can't cope with this and checked out. I never would have known he was like that until we were raising a disabled child together.

But then in the case of SEND I think we should hold the government to account. So many of these families are broken by the lack of school places and the forced into poverty that comes from having to care full time. My relationship never would have broken if the LA had given my child the education he's legally entitled to and I could have worked school hours

@Allfur "Protection doesnt always work"

Contraception used consistently and properly is damn near 100%. And there is the MAP.

Yep, that's me fucked... or not🤣.

Overworked social workers who have to pick up the pieces probably, till the next generation then the cycle continues

Don’t bother op, no-one cares about this stuff anymore. Shag with abandon and who gives a shit about the consequences.

Everyone knows about contraception. Abortions are not particularly difficult to get. And yet these issues still occur. Maybe people's preferred magical solutions aren't so effective after all.

The kind of man who has no issue running out on his pregnant girlfriend is going to be exactly the kind of man who would have no issue coercing her into an abortion she doesn't want. When you've got abusive men involved, abortion is not the simplistic picture of a woman's personal choice that people like to pretend it is.

Protection doesnt always work

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

and when what you thought was a "mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship" turns out to be a relationship with a cheating arse...?

YANBU and I would extend that to marriage. The amount of times I bite my tongue on this site when people have not one, but two or three kids and their 'partner' has never had the decency to marry them and the woman doesn't have the self respect to demand marriage/ask for it or walk after the first. And continue to have more out of marriage. Then there are problems and she will be left with no protection. Wtf? Marriage is far more important for womens and children's security these days (yes, I know, some women are financially stable, marriages break up, yada yada heard all the talking points) than at any stage in history before, yet women have no self respect and will give away the proverbial 'cow and milk for free'. I mean, where are their mothers to teach them self respect? Or are their mothers unmarried too so they're continuing a family cycle. The whole thing is so depressing. It's just self-respect. And wanting to do right for your children. And no, I don't care what people say/who comes on here and takes offence or judges me. That's my opinion and time on this site has only strengthened my so-called 'old fashioned' view.

As for no mention of fathers, how many women get pregnant and have babies actually expecting their partner to leave them at some point?? There’s also those unfortunate cases where a man who might actually have been a supportive father dies?
To add to that - “intact” family units don’t necessarily mean everyone in it is being treated well/adequately cared for. Sometimes a family/person is better off losing the dead weight!

What an odd comment.

If a couple aren't married then the woman can't put a man on the birth certificate unless he attends the appointment. If he refuses, then she can't put his name on it? Do you then think his refusal to do this should mean that he no longer has any financial obligation?

And I might get flamed but I think that instead of telling people they should only have sex if they are prepared to have a child....we should also remove guilt and shame around abortion. I read many threads on here from women who don't want to be pregnant but say they feel guilty about having an abortion.

And relationships for older people :(

But I suppose OP means fertile couples...

Sex is the be all and end all for very few people.

Jesus.

Women need to start getting organised about changing the law around child support. The current system makes fathers' responsibilities optional (or tiny) and its massively unfair. Meanwhile, these guys are sitting around smirking about it.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

but then what if this ‘permanent’ relationship doesn’t work out? What if they are in the position you describe above then have children and it still doesn’t work out?
It’s not sex itself that causes so many problems it’s people actions that do

I can only comment on my own situation.

My ex became abusive &controlling as soon as our DS was born. I took DS and left. I returned to my career, and found a lovely childminder close to my office.

I then bought a house in a nice healthy rural area, when DS was 3, where we have lived ever since. Ds spent 7 years at a small rural primary and is now in the lower 6th of his senior school. He has 10 good GCSEs and is studying three stem A'levels.

I have provided him with security, consistency, a good standard of living. He is loved, safe, well fed, well cared for, happy, confident, well provided for. I and the school have done a far better job without ex around. DS does not see drunkenness or manipulation. No stupid game playing.

He sees his dad usually 6 hrs a week. Ex has never done a school run or a dentist appt. He takes him nowhere, adds nothing to his experiences. He visits only because he thinks it still gives him a vestige of control, then sits and browses his phone.

Every circumstance is different and I think most mums do the very best they can for their children. It's about time governments of every political persuasion recognise the enormous value single mums provide to this country, focusing on the needs of children, while working full time.

Life would be a lot easier all round if absent fathers were pursued for child maintenance. If they can't parent, then they should financially support. Poverty is an added trauma for mothers doing it all. You will never prevent people procreating but being able to walk away scott free is so common, including the self employed who seem to organize their finances with impunity.

I am very old and the only conclusion I have come to after many years of working in the filed, that you can try your best to pick a good man and build a stable relationship but you have NO IDEA what pregnancy and a child will do to the relationship until you're in it.
It's sad but there are so many cases of a man turning out to be a tw@t or abusive or not engaging or doing his fair share, and you just cant always predict it.
And yet people still blame the women

No...I think this idea is ridiculous. Sex is recreational for many. I mean plenty of married women with children already, feel strongly that they don't want more children ...does this mean they shouldn't have sex again with their husbands?

i feel quite strongly about promiscuity , internet porn, Only Fans, the sexual treatment of women. I feel society is going in the wrong direction. So many young men and women can’t find a partner at all. However sex is a normal part of a loving relationship, whether the relationship is long-lasting or not.