To think people shouldn't have sex with people unless you would both be happy and able to raise children together?

I agree that an actually or potentially fertile person should be prepared for the consequences of a pregnancy if having sex with an actually or potentially fertile person of the opposite sex. However, raising a child happily together is not the only reasonable consequence of an unplanned pregnancy.

We definitely need to improve as a society in terms of shifting the degree to which women end up with most/all of the childcare responsibilities if a couple splits (or never really were a couple). I don't know that stigmatisation is very effective, but it would be an improvement if what stigma there is for shirking/failing at one's fair share of parenting applied much more equally to men rather than primarily to women. We HAVE become more effective at holding both parents to account financially, but the bulk of the actual work of childcare and parenting still falls disproportionately on women.

... women who alter an otherwise positive dynamic in their new relationship by having sex with their new partner. How are the women altering it on their own if both people are having sex? Are these all same sex couples (both partners women)?

I’ve never wanted to get married and never will :) I love that marriage isn’t seen as necessary nowadays!

This.

YABVU. Sex is sex. That’s all. If an adult of either gender wants to have consensual sex with each other for any reason, then enjoy and have at it. As adults each are able to make and take responsibility for contraception. No adult should be made to stay with anyone (child from the relationship or adult in a relationship) if they don’t want to. That is how you get abuse. Yes financially accountability should still exist. Improvements to child support agency would have been a better title for this post. Societal shaming. No. We should be aiming to have better support to enable families to cope rather than expecting them to manage cokplex
children on their own.

Btw, we bring up children, especially in the UK. We don't raise them, that verb is for barns
Bring up" is typically limited to the context of taking care of a child during development, while "raise" can encompass various meanings which include increasing something or lifting something to a higher position.

Hello, Pope Francis, how is it there in your white frock, velvet slippers and diktats the blame the daughters of Eve for all the world's ills?

For too long men who abandon their children have been let off the hook. They need to be prosecuted if they don't pay for their children.

Well I've never wanted children so do you think I should never have had sex?

I don’t know that he didn’t

Umm no, I don't think people should only have sex with people they'd be happy to raise children with. That's a bit much OP.

@Gigiopk "
What do you mean? That sounds like you’re saying abortion is a contraceptive choice"

It's not, by definition, a contraceptive choice. But it should be a safe, easily obtainable, judgement free solution to an unwanted pregnancy.

I too was terrified of becoming pregnant and it shaped how I was around sex and making sure I didn't. (I know my parents would have thrown me out for starters !)

To be honest I was very conscious of this when I was a student (met DH straight out of university so that was the last time I was single). I was meticulous about contraception but knew abortion wouldn’t be an option for me, so was very aware that anyone I slept with could potentially, if things went wrong, end up being tied to me for life. I had two long term relationships before DH, one of whom would probably have been a wonderful father, the other less so, but never had casual sex - it just wasn’t for me, but the thought of getting pregnant was certainly part of it.

Well for people who don't want to continue a pregnancy, it is.

I'm saying that women who are pregnant and don't want to be should be able to make the decision based on what they actually want rather than it being complicated by feelings of guilt.

Forcing men to be more responsible would be a good thing. Something like, if you live together and the woman can prove it, when she has a baby the house becomes a shared family asset whether or not married. That would make men think, and cause less single mothers to be in as much poverty.

@Jjiillkkf

So people who have no interest in ever having children should abstain from any sort of sexual activity whatsoever lest an "accident" occurs?

Contraception has been practiced for eons, and while it's not foolproof, there are permanent 100% effective means available to those who still wish to enjoy a healthy, active sex-life but have no desire for children.

Aibu to think it is nothing but love and kindness to tell our sons and daughters to save it for a good person in a mutually loving, stable, permanent relationship?

Yes, you ABU, because you are implying the answers to the "problems" you highlight, which are caused by laziness, indifference, and intransigence, lie in abstinence, which is naive when effective contraception achieves the same ends and still permits a sex-life, provided you are responsible enough to actually make use of it.

They can go to court to confirm parentage. It’s an extremely rare thing that a woman doesn’t want a dad involve/on the BC just because she’s on some sort of odd power trip. Most of the time, there’s a very good reason for it.

Pfft

Joyful?

Probably not a word I would be using for such an experience or a rape victim would think of huh?
And imagine of we all didnt shag and were like you...oh god no thanks

Permanent? Who can guarantee that?

You see on mn all the time women advising others not to put the man on the birth certificate. And if a man insisted on marching a woman to the registry office and adding his name it could be considered abusive.

I waited until I was 32 to find a reliable man to marry. He wanted children.
We discovered he was infertile. I was happy to try to adopt / foster but he wanted his own kids. I had icsi ivf. We eventually had 2 children. Both of whom turn out to be Autistic + various other SN/SEN too.
He 'couldn't cope' & walked out a lot when they were young & eventually left. It's been really hard as the ivf left me disabled too. In our family, in our small village, & possibly in Society at large sympathy has been given to him (last year he obtained adult ASD dx age 60). No sympathy for me, left 'holding the baby (ies) until I die.
Obviously, I'm biased, but I think everyone should use contraception unless they're sure they'd commit to raising any resulting child until they die.