Where are the fathers in these stories?

Absolutely this. So many kids could be lifted out of poverty if we had the political will to enforce child maintenance. They manage it with council tax and VAT so it can be done.

I thought that too. Where was the dad in that case?

But tbh I've come to the conclusion that many women and children are better off without inadequate men in their lives. Men who aren't engaged and don't want to step up are often pathetic, whiny and potentially aggressive and just end up making more work for their partners. Not everyone has the capacity to adult well and face their responsibilities.

Shame them, yes, but rather than forcing them to help unwillingly, we need to provide more financial resources and professional care for these families.

Please don't blame women for men's terrible behaviour.

I came on to say this. It haunts me.and why the dad wasn’t pulled up in why he didn’t care for his son 50/50.
i despise him so much. And the press who didn’t question him as to why he didn’t put his life on hold to make sure he fulfilled his parenting duties.

I thought exactly the same thing when I read it this morning, OP.

It sounds incredibly difficult for the children’s mothers and also the professionals tasked with continuing to provide the services with ever shrinking resources. There are no winners in the situations outlined in the article. I do wonder why the fathers’ responsibilities seem to have been left out of the articles altogether though. It’s a bit of a mystery and imo at very least an example of poor journalism by the BBC.

it also struck me as an invasion of the children’s privacy to have their photos used in the BBC article. I wonder if they consented for them to be used.

There was a thread about the Ibiza mother, and it turned out that the father was serving a long jail sentence, which clearly is another form of abandonment, but explains why the judge didn't specifically call him out for non-attendance on that day.

I don't see it as a "mum abandons kid" story at all. I read it as four mums who got so desperate they've had to take drastic action and are being brave enough to explain why in the hopes something will change.

The people with a loving partner sharing the load tend to be struggling less and make less dramatic new stories so you won't read about them much.

Why does anyone bother with any grandchildren then?

@BadSkiingMum , I'm ashamed to admit, you have pointed out to me "where is his father" in the case of the mum going to Ibiza, when i hadn't even thought that myself. And i dont know why i didn't think it. I should have thought that immediately.
I guess ive went along with the media conditioning of single mums/absent dads, more than i realised.
Thank you for waking me up.

Because all women are good for is raising children don't you know. And kittens. I am sure that all the menfolk are off doing important men things. Much more important.

Re: the Ibiza mom I think it was fair to focus on her if she is the only parent. They even mentioned the uncle which likely means the father is unknown.

This.
DH and I argue more now than ever before. We have one with extreme complex needs and one with less complex needs (and one NT).
I have to be honest there have been times when we've both thought about walking away. In the main though it's mum's who are left with the kids while dad's walk away and that's not right.
I've had people on here suggest I ask for respite care from SS. It doesn't exist, not even in a large city.

Why would social workers call up uncles and grandparents who were not involved in the decision to procreate?

Society and the women involved. A lot of people allow fathers to be optional to parenting and too many women are still procreating with terrible men.

(Also some maybe older solo mothers by choice - 2 reasons I decided against this route: increased risk of disabilities and it being too hard to parent alone.)

I’m sorry for all of you who are doing this alone 💐

I don’t understand the families of these men either. If I had a son and he abandoned a child, I’d be fucking livid. I’d be there, offering help to my grandchild or my niece or nephew.

@x2boys I don't think anyone is saying they don't have compassion for the DC that was killed.

I think the point is, that the mother wouldn't have wanted to murder her child if the father was looking after them 50% of the time and she got to work/live/socialise/holiday/study/read/time not be a carer.

If the father had been a hands-on father, it's likely that child would still be alive, so doesn't he get part of the blame, not all of the sympathy?

Exact same here. Although I had a good relationship with his family when we split and whilst he was still having contact, but as soon as my child’s disabilities became more evident he assaulted him and then fucked off for good. Have never heard from any of his family since and whilst I suspect he’s told them that I cut contact and won’t let him see my son, given the relationships I had with them all they know damn well I wouldn’t do that without good reason (and to be clear, when he assaulted my son I told him to never come near him again and he simply said “gladly” and walked away for good - there was then police involvement) and that they could contact me themselves. But it’s been 2.5 years now and my son is finally moving forward from the trauma of it so if any of them did try to get in touch now I’d tell them where to go.

I completely agree with that point. My children are teens now and they do not have any additional needs so I know that is much easier.
When they were younger they weren't exactly neglected but they were pulled from pillar to post and not looked after to the standard I would have liked due to my job (shift work). Eg I had to get any random mum from the school to collect them sometimes if I finished work really late (no choice) then I had to repay the favour. Their dad saw them 3 days a month but wouldn't do anything useful so they missed out on things like hobbies as I couldn't get them there due to shifts.
The eldest now has a great job and his dad boasts about it and is taking the credit for how great he turned out but had they become criminals and stabbed someone that would have been deemed as my fault for "neglecting them".

I think that goes without saying.

I do have compassion for that child, of course it shouldn’t have happened, no child deserves that. The conditions where this women basically didn’t sleep had minimal support and her pos ex abandoned her to do it alone created the conditions for this. Lack of sleep is torture, she most likely had a mental break, that wasn’t her childs fault but it was the fault of a system and individuals who abandon women and leave them to do this alone.

The thread is about mums being sole carers with little support not so much about the children. If the thread had been about the children my response would have talked about that.

This case sticks in my mind too. The poor mother and poor child.
The father was pure scum IMO.

He was a piece of shit.

What about compassion for the child she killed ?