To think these messaged are unfair

This 👆don’t give in to the guilt trip! He needs more time alone with the kids if a couple of days is such a struggle.

He sounds emotionally manipulative. I think I would reply, “thankfully DC have two parents!”

Im betting the house will be a state when you get home 🙄.

Unfortunately you have choose someone who is incapable to look after their own children. When you are back I would tell him that as well. Why is your child so unsettled with his other parent? Is your husband more like a lodger then a parent. What would happen if yous split up would he not have any contact because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s a pathetic man who is guilt tripping you because you are working away.

Sounds like he needs to be in charge of the kids more often when you're at home. Sound slide he thinks mon-fri grind is your responsibility and 2h of fun on the weekend is his.

OP you need to woman up and stop taking all this nonsense. When he makes a sly comment about your work then the response is "I may be talking shit all day in your opinion, but it brings in the higher wage, so I'd be less critical about it if I was you". Don't be the passive, downtrodden wife. Your DS is young now, but he'll soon be old enough to notice things and he's going to learn that women have to do all the domestic/admin/childcare stuff and men can please themselves and belittle their partners.

Honestly, is there anything positive about this relationship? It sounds like he has no respect for you, and he dislikes having to parent his own child solo. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship.

I would have a conversation when you are back about how it's concerning that dc are getting upset and how they don't get upset when dh isn't there.

I'd then suggest dh has them on his own a bit more so they get use to being with just him.

Then I'd thank him for flagging it up so now you can both work on dc feeling more comfortable with being left with dh.

I agree - is he letting them be miserable because it proves his point of how selfish you were to leave them, or is putting his energy into being cheery and distracting with fun stuff?

Could you think about finding a relationship counsellor to help facilitate a discussion?

A textbook example of weaponised incompetence

He’s trying to sabotage your career because it’s inconvenient for him. He’s being a real dick.

I find this so sad.

You're a working mum and the main earner. You're doing what you need to do to support the family.

Yeah my husband has his shitty moments don't they all - but I travel for work, he celebrates my successes and we work as a team to build the family life we dreamed of.

It's not easy being left alone with the kids sometimes but they are just as much his kids.

I couldn't imagine working my ass off to provide for my family to then be made to feel like shit for it.

Sound like a normal loving response to you going out and having dinner. My husband is the same, doesn't guilt trip me for anything.

Sounds like a bit of a sook
Just ignore it and talk about it when you get home.

This is completely different though. Men don't feel guilty about going to work. And your text to him about the kids missing him also lands as flattery, what a wonderful father I am, I'm such a good guy, what gift can I bring them on my triumphant return.

Totally different intentions from this incompetent specimen.

He can say what he likes you don't have to take it on board, that is under your control

He is an arsehole. He doesnt want you to succeed.

next time dont treat him like a child with lists and organising things for him.

Agree with all the other posts he is guilt tripping you deliberately and sounds like a crap partner. And expects you to earn more!! What a shit. Honestly op you deserve better and someone who sees you as their equal and someone who respects you for all that you do. This man doesn’t. Terrible example for his kids aswell imo. Big talk when you get home. If he can’t step up or change really I would be thinking of what life would look like without him.

Agree aswell that your house will be a shit tip when you get home as another punishment for you going away. Will he have tried his best to be a great parent? For just a few days. I doubt it. Wishing you lots of luck xx

He's being very unkind. I was out for dinner and drinks with friends a few weeks ago and when i messaged to see how the kids were my husband told me all was fine and to enjoy myself. When I got home he admitted my 2 year old had been crying for me all evening and was very upset at bedtime but my DH didn't want me to feel pressured to come home early.
It seems to me that your husband doesn't like that you're away and is using the kids to manipulate you into coming home/feeling bad. He needs a good talking to!

Your last paragraph here made me feel so angry on your behalf
what does H do to contribute financially to the household?
what do you think is behind his apparent need to guilt trip you?

He is cruel and destabilising. It is unfair to unsettle you with insignificant things (noone is in hospital, right?) when you are working to provide for them. Nip it in the bud, you have to. Either nip it in the bud or you will have to chuck your job - otherwise you will go into a spin.

Tell him you’re not coming back

The more you post, the worse he sounds

If that was my husband I would also be concerned about what is he saying to the DC while you are away. It’s so unfair, women should be able to go away for a night or two (leisure and/or work related) without worrying about the other half’s behaviour and attitude, especially regarding the children.
Good luck with the rest of your work trip, OP.

OK OP... inital outrage aside and pithy quips aside, what do you want to do?

He is upset that you are not there. Considering your reaction and excessive pre-planning I am assuming you have been doing the lionshare of the caring and this is the final straw for you.

Do you trust your DH to look after your kids without any intervention from a female), and then ask yourself why?

Be honest with yourself has he ever had the chance to look after the kids without your input, or has he just not engaged with them at all and priortised other things and any opportunity?

If he is the lower earner and you have the potential to earn more it makes complete sense that he is the carer from now on. How does that make you feel?

If these questions are hard for you to answer you can speak to a friend or even EAP service if you have one. The fact is this wont change unless you do something different. What that is will depend on what you want.

Good Luck.

This is a good idea. ‘Send me a happy video, they surely aren’t miserable 100% of the time you’re looking after them?’ He won’t want to argue yes they are because of how shit that makes him look.

but after you send something saying how you feel like I suggested above.

I also think you will get home to find a tornado has hit your house and there will be mess everywhere.

you definitely need a proper conversation when you get back.