To think these messaged are unfair

Why do people do this? When I’m away, my DH messages me but only to say ‘we’re all fine here’. If something went wrong he wouldn’t tell me until I got back.

No you are not being unreasonable. He has to be able to look after his own children on his own. Tell him to man up and stop being so pathetic.

Except, of course, he’ll probably take that badly. Gah. What is the point?

He might already be slagging you off to the kids. He not exactly on his best behavior at the moment and it will only get worse over time, especially as your career will likely improve. I doubt his influence on the children will improve for the better, whether you stay married or get divorced.

However, you will be setting an example for your children about how you don't accept bad behavior from anyone, least of all a "partner".

Love this one. Then have a lovely evening g on your own before heading straight into work.

Genius 😏

If he says it's all in your head that is abusive.

Great gag!
Oh, you're being serious. Sigh...
Men do this ALL THE TIME. Many of them turn into even bigger man babies once we have kids, because they can't bear not to be the centre of attention. And it's a well-known fact that man babies can't - or won't - parent.

Brutal but 🙌

"H, when you text me about how desperate the kids are to see me when they're in your sole care, it makes me realise that I'm the main parent, as well as the main earner. Which then makes me wonder, what is the point of you in either my or my children's lives? We probably need to discuss this when I return."

That should either make him pick up his game or file for divorce, either way I think you'd be better off.

I would have been sorely tempted to snap back with "you mean the nonsense that provides most of our income"

It sounds an awful lot like not only are you the main breadwinner but you're also the main carer for the kids and I'm going to hazard a guess here;you do most of the household stuff,mental load,emotional labour etc too especially as you said he doesn't get them ready and off to childcare normally.

There's a facebook group called bridging the gap you'd probably benefit from in your situation.

I'm sorry you're facing this;it's unbelievable how many men have an issue with their female partners being the main earner and can't stand it when they do well.It's funny how women are usually expected to be happy when it's the other way around and ordinarily actually support their male partners.

I just don't know what I'm supposed to say to "DS is crying for you".
I said "ah poor DS. Give him a kiss from me"
And now H is ignoring me.

I think I'd have replied "Well, get off the phone and distract him with something fun, then."

"DS will not be happy you're staying until Tuesday. He's very upset you know. I'm trying to help but he wants you"

And?

I am working. You are also his parent. Just reassure him and stop bloody whinging rather than winding him up further about how I'm not there. I have to work and you are acting like a big baby and you are making my life difficult. He's three. He's regularly upset about something and I'm the one who has to deal with it. Distract him. Do something he likes doing. Give him lots of cuddles and attention rather than treating him like a nuisance. But stop talking about me. All this shows is you need to spend more time with him and give him more attention the rest of the time so he likes spending time with you. All he's doing is picking up on your resentment of me being away. I hope you understand how hard it is doing the majority of the child care now.

Grow up and stop being unfair on me on the one time you've been asked to parent your own child.

(Then quite rightly have a massive argument when you get home).

“He doesn't seem to care about me at all sometimes”

The most important piece of information which you posted in this thread was when he revealed his contempt for you by insulting your job. His lazy weaponised incompetence with the kids isn’t the most important thing, his contempt for you is.

Training him to be less useless with the kids won’t change his lack of love and respect for you.

You need to make sure you are financially secure enough to cope as a single parent, ready for when your marriage eventually breaks down.

You deserve better than him.

Wow! Sorry just caught up with thread, Jesus you need a BIG chat. He sounds like a complete tosser. What are you even gaining from having him? 😬

You need to talk to Women's aid.
You are in an abusive relationship.
He is a lazy waster and you are the family work horse.
Your use to him is what you earn.
This will only get worse.
A lot worse.
His contempt for you will only grow and your children will increasingly be damaged by their toxic environment.

Increasingly there is a type of man that targets a higher earning woman for what they imagine will be an easier life.
They are lazy wasters and children arrive they resent being involved in any childcare.

This will only get worse.
Talk to Women's aid and get legal advice.
The longer you stay with him the more it will cost you and your children.
Losers like him always say they want 50/50 but they never do.
They only care about themselves.
Get legal advice.
Tell family and friends the truth.
He is abusive.

“aww I'm sure you can comfort him. I often get the same when you’re away. Having a very productive conference by the way, hopefully will get everything done by Tuesday xx”
😂 oh man babies
imagine if they had half the mental load 😂

You might not be afraid of him now... but why aren't you comfortable telling him home truths? You should get comfortable telling him these things so that you don't BECOME afraid to speak up when you have to.

This is another form of control. You have inconvenienced him by making him have his own children so now in turn you are made to feel guilty. If your husband wants traditional roles suggest to him he goes out and makes up the shortfall from your wages that are clearly keeping the family afloat if you are the main earner. The cheek of men now expect you to be the perfect house wife but also expect you to bring in atleast half and in your case more of the money. Is it no wonder women are choosing to go it alone. You have took a positive step in your career and what is supposed to be your main cheerleader is resentful. Well I would point out that he is clearly running out of uses If he isn't the main earner, if he isn't much support with his own children and if he can't even give you some support as a husband what exactly does he do for you? Is this enough for you? When you get back completely ignore any negative talk and don't be fooled in to being made to feel guilty you are doing right by your family and if he makes any remarks about mummy went away and left us or anything like that remind your children who pays for the food in their bellies and the roof over there head.

It keeps getting worse with everything you post. Hope you decide that you and your children deserve better than this.

From OP's posts:

I called him the first night and he was saying "hope you're having a good time talking nonsense for hours and calling it work" amd stuff like that

Not exactly supportive, is it?

Dude

Are you serious?

Show him this thread

What a twat.

I went away for a conference Monday - Friday recently. At no point did my DH sulk or make me feel guilty. We had to get some family help too but only because he didn’t get home in time etc.

All I got were messages updating me like ‘boys had a good day, love you’ or ‘we are up now, if you want to talk. No worries if not’, ‘see you tomorrow!’

Does your DH shirk off parenting usually so he massively resents having to step up when you’re not there?