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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think these messaged are unfair

233 replies

Overwhelmed79 · 23/09/2024 22:49

I'm away with work (from Sat to Tues). I have two young kids at home with DH (their dad)

I've organised a family friend to come over Monday and Tuesday mornings to help get them dropped off to school so H can get to work on time (he could manage it timing wise but it would be tight)

H is showing zero interest in what I'm up to even though this event is big for my career. He doesnt pick up or any any questions

But he is sending me the odd message about how upset my 3 year old is and how much he misses me. He messaged "DS will not be happy you're staying until Tuesday. He's very upset you know. I'm trying to help but he wants you" and then going silent.

I can't leave early. I don't want to leave early.

H will say he's just telling me what's going in at home but I feel he's being unfair. I feel guilt reading these messages

Am I being unreasonable to think he should keep it to himself? I'll be home tomorrow!

OP posts:
Rerrin · 23/09/2024 23:06

Rip him a new one as soon as you get home, and tell him if he ever pulls that shit again, you’ll divorce him and he’ll have to parent his own children solo 50% of the time with no help from your friend or you writing lists so he remembers to dress them.

Original poster
Overwhelmed79 · 23/09/2024 23:03

I shouldn't have arranged my friend to come over but I feel guilty and I just did it! Of course it was me who booked breakfast club, me who wrote lists of the clothes they need today and tomorrow.

I think its that he's not interested in anything to do with me either. If we were talking every day about things and he said "the kids miss you" - fair enough. But he's basically ghosted me (if a husband can't ghost you) but with just random guilt messages!!

If I let him have it - he'll say I'm being ridiculous- he's just telling me the kids miss me.

OP posts:
AmeliaEarache · 23/09/2024 23:03

He’s being an asshole because he’s pissed off that you’ve gone on a work trip and he has to parent his own children.

He’s sending these messages to make sure you’re full of guilt and worry. This is to spoil the trip so you don’t do it again.

I’d be extremely pissed off if my DH tried this shit. YANBU

ComeOnThenFanny · 23/09/2024 23:01

He'll be sending you videos of the kids crying next. Unbelievable behaviour. I really hate (some) men sometimes.

areallmotherslikethis · 23/09/2024 23:00

Act nonchalant.

Breeze in tomorrow and scoop up your kids and don't even acknowledge his messages.

Don't let him know you feel guilty.

When you're home, composed and ready, let him have it.

Aquamarine1029 · 23/09/2024 22:57

You should be absolutely raging over this. Your husband is acting like a giant fucking man baby, deliberately trying to make you feel guilty and essentially punishing you for forcing him to be a parent. It's absolutely ridiculous that your friend is coming over to help him, btw. He's not a toddler.

You should shut this down immediately. How fucking DARE he. You would never do this to him, I'm sure.

ComeOnThenFanny · 23/09/2024 22:54

This stuff makes me so angry.
He's trying to make you feel guilty and worried. What would you do if it was the other way round? You'd just get on with it, right?

Don't leave. Don't give in to it.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 23/09/2024 22:54

When I've been away my husband has told me when children are missing me, but been sure to include lots of happy things and fun photographs. And he wants to know how I am and how it's going.

Being very charitable, maybe he wants you to know you're missed and loved? Worst case, he's being manipulative and cruel. Or it could be somewhere in the middle - just plain thoughtless.

Either way, it needs a conversation.