Having I fucked up the sex talk?

You might be the kind of parent who allows your kids believing father Christmas and fairies etc instead of telling them the truth at 4 years old. I'm probably more like you but from this thread, I think most parents believe in telling their children the entire truth even at a very young age. I'm surprised with all this truth telling, there are any 5 year olds who still believe in Magic or maybe there are different rules for things like that perhaps

A bit of a side step but it's really interesting that many people have said they use age appropriate language / descriptions to answer in a factual way but then talk about the 'seed' meeting the egg... why 'seed' as opposed to 'sperm'? Of all the terms that I still have to stop myself from cringing slightly when using, 'sperm' feels like a pretty easy one!

Good job mama! Your hub needs to get over his pearl clutching!!

Look up the poem “stealing their innocence” by Hollie McNish. It’s a beautiful powerful poem.

You’ve done fine, OP.

Definitely. And why people think that it is shameful or even dirty. Things we don't speak of teach very clear messages to children. None of them positive.

Mine are 8 and 6 and know. I think you tell them when they ask you the specifics 🤷‍♀️

You did exactly the right thing. Best approach is always to answer their questions, giving them just the info they’ve asked for. Give them facts, in an age appropriate way.

Always makes me laugh when people think telling kids babies come out of vaginas is horrifying, but making up stuff such as they “pop out of your belly button” is somehow much less weird…

No this is fine. DH is overreacting, we did say 'special cuddle' to start with but kids quickly asked more questions. Might cheer you up to know that this happened at the dinner table when Nana (MIL) was around. I suggested I tell them later but Nana very (un)helpfully told me to go ahead and explain...

Which I did.

Cue horrified faces "you and Daddy did that?!", "Nana you did that?!" and my personal fave "why couldn't you just eat the seed"!

From your title I took it as you'd fucked up talking dirty! 😆 not sure where my head is at!

(Sorry not helpful!)

He says I've stolen their innocence, and they'll never see the world the same way again.

I can never understand this way of thinking. I think people must have heard it somewhere and internalised it even though it makes no sense.

How on earth does that steal their innocence? It doesn't.

Oh, my mum kept my 'innocence' and, let me tell you, it can be WAY more traumatic when your 11 yr old self has no idea why they're bleeding. Am I dying?
Even when, after a few times of it happening, I told her, she gave me a massive pad and told me it will happen every month or so now. No why involved? It's still upsetting 43 yrs later.

Therefore, sex and reproduction and love and respect, including the mechanical aspects, were a part of the conversation from the moment they started asking. Age appropriate, of course. It was just not a taboo subject and I made sure I never, ever came across as anything other than matter of fact. Having that kind of base understanding makes it just another function of our bodies as we grow 🤷‍♀️
Oh, and my mum has never said the words penis, vulva, vagina, sperm, womb without huge embarrassment, if at all. So you bet those words are used, again, in appropriate situations and completely matter of fact.

You did the right thing. Personally, I hate the reference to 'seed' but answering the question as you did was absolutely the right thing to do.

In answer to a question from my then 10 year old son. My policy has always been to answer questions asked. It was the most difficult of his questions.

This thread has raised for me the related question of when to tell a child about sex (intercourse).

I've already explained the egg, getting fertilised, growing in womb, being born..

I haven't gone as far as sexual intercourse.

I don't know if/when she's (7) going to ask that.

Should I wait until asked?

What age did you tell your kids about that part?

She has been ocass getting dolls to kiss and lie on each othe, she must have seen it somewhere. And she says ask why/what's happening when people lie on each other.

I sort of avoided the question, I think I just said they're cuddling or something like that. Should I have told her about sex (?)

But do they not teach it until year 5 because that is the best time or because they are balancing the best time against what they can get away with because some parents have the bizarre notion that to a young child the mechanics of sex are any different to the mechanics of digestion or blood circulation?

If I’d left it until year 5 to talk about it my DS would probably never have let me have the conversation at all, as by then he’d gotten the notion from society that as his genitals had to be hidden, because they were private parts, then it was also embarrassing to talk about it (autistic with rather black and white thinking). As it was we covered sex, conception (in great detail - YouTube videos of sperms meeting eggs were a big hit), birth, periods, puberty, erections (as young boys have them a lot) and probably much more all before he started school.

You did the right thing imo.

It’s best that you tell them rather than another kid at school or the internet.

I would have given them the same explanation and answered any follow up questions that they had. The sex talk is a series of conversations rather than just one chat ime and knowing doesn’t ruin their innocence 😂

''The penis had some kind of metal spring inside of it!'' 🤣

As a child, I had one of those spring joke snakes that leapt out off a mustard jar - I remember a male {adult} relative giggling about it one Christmas tea time- only now do I know why he was laughing

6 is quite old, by the way. My DC was 3 or 4. I had a book explaining it with diagrams when I was 5.

Nothing wrong with what you have said in my opinion.

You absolutely did it right. The only thing I'd alter is that I try not to make sex sound like a man's action, i.e. rather than "the man puts his penis into the woman's vagina," I'd say something like, "a woman and a man slot her vagina and his penis together."
Actually, with my DC,I said, "the woman slots her vagina over the man's penis."

Might sound clumsy, but it's really, really important not to make sex sound like something a man does to a woman.

They don’t know what a vagina is and will just accept your matter of fact explanation.

I've had a glass of wine, so here is a hopefully appropriate and relevant joke:

A 6yo girl goes up to her Dad one evening and says "Daddy, what's sex?".

Now, unlike the OP and her DH, Mum and Dad had made a plan for this day, although they hadn't expected it quite so young. And the plan was to explain everything, which Dad proceeds to do. Over the next few minutes the girl's eyes get wider and wider.

Finally Dad decides that one or two things can in fact wait until another time. He stops, and asks his daughter, "So what made you want to ask about sex?"

And she replies, "Mummy said to tell you that dinner will be ready in a couple of secs".

We went to Chester zoo nearly every weekend with our children growing up. The animals did a good job opening up the making babies topic with demonstrations too 🤣.

Special cuddle is ick. Your response was spot on.

I'm a big fan of always answering a question when it is asked but not giving any extra information, wait for the next question if necessary. You were asked and answered in an age appropriate way, I think that is absolutely fine. Dh is being silly here.

@Coruscations

’The poor things are probably worrying every time they eat something like strawberries that are covered in seeds, to say nothing of the mental picture they have of the baby jostling for space beside all the food that is also in your stomach.’

🤣🤣🤣 What on earth are you on about?

And they'll be a laughing stock in school if they repeat what you told them.

Yes, I’m sure all the other 5 year olds are going to laugh mercifully at their lack of sex knowledge… or not.