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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DH to post my messages to him online

82 replies

Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 17:59

DH has joined a forum for one of his interests. We had a heated argument, i stormed out and we ended up having a text war. I found out he was putting my messages word for word in this forum.

I am annoyed because that to me was crossing a boundary but he was says he was just gathering opinions. That message was for him not an online community, I dont care if its anonymous, its a line crossed, AIBU?

OP posts:
Megifer · 23/09/2024 18:47

missmollygreen · 23/09/2024 18:43

Or maybe you are really thick to think she is not doing the same?

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How is op doing the same? Confused

DreamW3aver · 23/09/2024 18:45

missmollygreen · 23/09/2024 18:43

Or maybe you are really thick to think she is not doing the same?

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Can you explain how a general question with no specifics is the same as verbatim messages? Obviously I must be thick as I can't see the similarity

TheShellBeach · 23/09/2024 18:44

missmollygreen · 23/09/2024 18:43

Or maybe you are really thick to think she is not doing the same?

Show quote history

She isn't doing the same, because she hasn't posted his actual messages.

missmollygreen · 23/09/2024 18:43

MounjaroUser · 23/09/2024 18:40

Some posters must be really thick to think she's doing the same thing.

Or maybe you are really thick to think she is not doing the same?

TheShellBeach · 23/09/2024 18:43

Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 18:40

I wont stoop to his level, I personally think its a cross boundary and Im upset about it. He is using the anonymous element to invalidate how I feel about it. I asked in here whether I was being unreasonable.

You're not being unreasonable at all, and a lot of people on this thread don't seem to understand what you originally wrote.

Original poster
Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 18:42

bifurCAT · 23/09/2024 18:23

I enjoyed that one!

What did you enjoy?

OP posts:
Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 23/09/2024 18:42

Blimey, unless his hobby is 'analysing other people's arguments', then surely absolutely everyone else in this group was cringing themselves inside out? Why on earth would they care about an argument someone was having with their wife?

At least MN is partially for just such matters.

dreamer24 · 23/09/2024 18:41

Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 18:40

I wont stoop to his level, I personally think its a cross boundary and Im upset about it. He is using the anonymous element to invalidate how I feel about it. I asked in here whether I was being unreasonable.

I'd feel the same way, OP. It's very exposing I imagine. I'd be upset too.

MounjaroUser · 23/09/2024 18:40

Some posters must be really thick to think she's doing the same thing.

Original poster
Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 18:40

I wont stoop to his level, I personally think its a cross boundary and Im upset about it. He is using the anonymous element to invalidate how I feel about it. I asked in here whether I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:
HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 23/09/2024 18:38

I would not like specific messages going on a forum as I think I would feel like DP was trying to ask strangers to criticise and nit pick at me.

Before this thread I would have said a generally worded opening post about an argument would have been ok and now I'm not so sure!

I guess it's ultimately not that satisfying for either person to conduct an argument with a load of strangers in the middle of it all.

Original poster
Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 18:37

Tagyoureit · 23/09/2024 18:03

Pot, kettle, black....

Cant see his messages on here word for word can you, big difference.

OP posts:
dreamer24 · 23/09/2024 18:37

Yeah it's very different posting what OP has posted compared with word for word texts between the two of them. I'd be unhappy too OP.

Zanatdy · 23/09/2024 18:34

There’s a big difference between saying we had a row and posting word for word what messages say. Bang out of order

Megifer · 23/09/2024 18:33

Yanbu op.

You posting here is very different to him posting word for word messages. I'm really surprised pp's can't see that.

pinkfondu · 23/09/2024 18:29

O think we need to see the message to decide 🤭

LostTheMarble · 23/09/2024 18:29

purplecorkheart · 23/09/2024 18:15

He posted her messages word for word, the op has posted in very vague and general terms.

Depending on the forum and where it is passed,both he and she could possibly be clearly identifiable by the text messages.

I agree. There have been instances on here where someone has shared details either though screenshots or by giving exact details. It can be very outing* and cause real life issues. Nothing the op here has said is very personal unlike text messages.

I have recognised someone myself who’s given exact details of their situation and they got very personal about someone else I’m aquatinted with. I didn’t say anything but I do now keep my own details vague or slightly changed.

Edit for bold fail!

bifurCAT · 23/09/2024 18:23

I enjoyed that one!

purplecorkheart · 23/09/2024 18:15

He posted her messages word for word, the op has posted in very vague and general terms.

Depending on the forum and where it is passed,both he and she could possibly be clearly identifiable by the text messages.

Silvers11 · 23/09/2024 18:11

Sweetlikechoco89 · 23/09/2024 17:59

DH has joined a forum for one of his interests. We had a heated argument, i stormed out and we ended up having a text war. I found out he was putting my messages word for word in this forum.

I am annoyed because that to me was crossing a boundary but he was says he was just gathering opinions. That message was for him not an online community, I dont care if its anonymous, its a line crossed, AIBU?

Um 🤔🤔So not ok for him to do that, but OK for you to post on here about it? I don't understand why it's ok for you and not for him? No, you haven't posted the argument word for word, but still making it public?

If it was anonymous then I really don't see much difference between the two. Presumably you were swearing/rude/whatever but if it was anonymous, then one of you is as bad as the other imo

DadJoke · 23/09/2024 18:08

DH should post here, and probably have his arse handed to him.

TheShellBeach · 23/09/2024 18:08

The OP hasn't posted her husband's messages on here, though!

Ratfinkstinkypink · 23/09/2024 18:06

DontBiteTheCat · 23/09/2024 18:05

I think the issue is that he posted the actual messages, which the OP has not done?

This. I think there is a world of difference between wanting to vent about your partner and posting word for word an argument you have been having.

loropianalover · 23/09/2024 18:05

If it’s anonymous I wouldn’t think much of it. Your arguments won’t be important enough for people to remember beyond tomorrow anyway.

If it’s a forum for a hobby or something where they plan to meet up/go to events etc., and he therefore is not anonymous, that would upset me.

Ladybug6757755 · 23/09/2024 18:05

So he posted on maybe Reddit?and you posted on Mumsnet 🤣