To be surprised by the amount of people on here who have no family and no friends to rely on

Your first sentence explains it. All those things you list would mean they are more likely to post here. Stop being so smallminded, not everyone is like you.

I guess an anonymous forum attracts people who don't have many people IRL.

I've always been surprised how many people on mumsnet:

1. claim to have no friends. I cannot imagine life without friends.
2. have children with special needs
3. are disabled/have a chronic health condition
4. "don't" drive. (as opposed to can't?)

I'm none of the above so often question why I read it as often as I do.

I have very little family and am an only child. When my kids were young we had very few in the family that could step in as emergency, certainly no one from school as I just didn’t know them well enough. I also worked practically full time as did my husband. I’ve a few friends but not close. I’m a friendly person, I get along with others, am helpful, volunteer, but my circle is still very small.
We just have to get on with things.

@TheDeepLemonHelper

It always puzzles me when people say things like the OP’s post. If you have no family, you have NO FAMILY. It isn’t an odd choice made by weird people who don’t have the good sense to supply themselves with a large and caring network of young healthy parents, siblings, cousins etc. There is no choice, except to have your own children, and sometimes we don’t even have that.

Do I wish things were different? Of course, but it is what it is, and I do wish some people wouldn’t make out like its some kind of personal failing.

Exactly this. It's so rude and offensive - and plain nasty really. Some people have no-one, (or hardly anyone) to depend on, and very little (or no) family. And some people feel low enough, and sad enough about it as it is, without someone posting a scathing thread on Mumsnet, saying 'errmagerrd, aren't some people such utter weirdos having no FAMILY?! and no FRIENDS?' And then pouring salt into the wound by suggesting it's their own fault!

Such a cruel and unkind thread to post.

There but by the Grace of God go you @fossilgap

And as has been said, people don't 'rally round' most of the time. They have their own lives, jobs, children, elderly parents, family, home etc. Many people these days - especially women - are so busy and frazzled trying to spin so many plates, that they don't have time to help others, or 'rally round.'

There are 5 particular households within 10 houses of me; 2 elderly couples, 1 elderly man, a couple who are around 60, and a family of 3. I have never seen anybody at these 5 homes other than the people who live there... in the 8-9 years I have lived here ... Never seen any family there, never seen any friends. It happens! And as the pp I quoted said, it shouldn't be seen as some kind of personal failing!

!

I have friends, but I wouldn't say they are close friends. We meet for coffee and I know that if I really needed help they would step up, but I wouldn't ask as they have husbands and families, and the one I have known the longest and am closest to lives several miles away so I wouldn't rely on her. I do have an exDH, but he also doesn't live nearby.

As for family, I have three cousins who live in the same town as I do, and while we get on we are not close. One would definitely help out in any way, but once again he has his own family so I wouldn't ask.

So bascially I am totally alone in the world, no parents, no siblings, no children, and I just have to get on with things.

I don’t find the post aggressive at all. It highlights how you don’t or can’t understand any situation different from your own.

Why? Hit the nail on the head did she? Or a raw nerve? Got no comeback have you?

That's usually when people throw their toys out of their pram and refuse to engage with someone.

@fossilgap You did answer, and I'm glad you read my post. Maybe it's given you some food for thought.

This is a really good post in that it also illustrates that following the 'conventional' life path which we would normally expect to protect us from loneliness doesn't always work out that way.

I’ve never known anyone ‘rally round’. My kids had additional needs and I didn’t live near my parents. I moved to be near my husbands family but they didn’t want to be friendly. So I had no friends and find it difficult to make new friends.
people find it hard to believe I had no one to call on in any such emergency, but I just didn’t. It just is the way it is.

Excellent post

Well
Fucking
Said.

@fossilgap and others who don't seem to be able to imagine circumstances that are different from their own... It is very insensitive to suggest that people go out of their way to 'shed' friendships or don't know how to maintain relationships!

Imagine this: You grew up in Chester where your parents lived. You went to uni in Leeds where you had your uni friends. After graduating you moved to London where you met your partner (who's italian) and had 2 dc.

After a few years you decide to move closer to your parents and both accept jobs in Manchester. Kids go to breakfast club and after school club because you both work full time. You hardly ever meet the other mums at the school gates. No time for coffees. After a while your parents retire and decide to move to Cornwall. Your only sibling lives 3 hours away and works shifts in emergency services and has a newborn. Even though you keep in touch, none of your old childhood friends have stayed in the area. Your neighbours are lovely, but one of them is in a wheelchair and the other one is a (not-so) secret white collar alcoholic. You have a nice relationship with your colleagues, you chit chat to your pilates mates once a week and your local coffee shop knows you by the name when you pick up your morning coffee on the way to work.

So who do i call in a 'minor' non-life threatening emergency? Or when i just need a hand?
This is NOT my life, but it so hard to imagine a circumstance where this might be a reality? Or have you @fossilgap never left the place where you grew up to make this so incomprehendable?

I have no family where I live (abroad) and no close family I could contact. I do have friendships but those are mostly superficial as I struggle to maintain friendships and always have done.
when my kids were in primary I had enough contacts who could drop kids to and from school in emergencies because my kids went to the tiniest school where everyone knew each other but now they are older that’s not the case.

What some of us are questioning is the mindset that seems to say friendship is just a stopgap until you find a life partner and which dictates that you switch all your energies from friendship into a relationship and make no attempt to nurture and keep those friendships up

Hmmmmm those were exactly the sort of people I wa thinking of in my previous posts 😆. I think most would keep up their close friendships but agree they’re being foolish if they don’t.

I meant that it’s difficult to make new friends if everyone else is busy/already have friends as is the case if you’re older. If you are and you’ve lost your social circle /support network for whatever reason it can be tricky.

I’m have very little family and friends, DHs family are tiny, both parents dead, there’s only his DSIS and she’s quite odd and we’ve not seen her in years. My family my father doesn’t really care prefers his own life, I’m NC with my mother, I see my brother now and again. I’ve moved around a lot and it’s difficult to make friends in a small town where other people have a large family and lots of old friends. Yes it’s hard at times especially when the DV were young in emergencies etc.

I don’t live in isolation but don’t have anyone who I can call on last minute for emergency childcare. Both sets of grand parents still working full time and pretty much all my friends work full time too.

:-)

Most people or just some people? There's a good cross section on Mumsnet.

It depends on whether you're referring to childcare or just having family. I've got family but nobody able to do any childcare (they need help themselves). I also have plenty of childless friends. I could rely on them in an emergency, though they don't live close by, so I'd rather not have to ask them.

Well I’m one of them, only have partner - one sister a long way away who NEVER contacts me (I contact her but not the other way round), only child has moved away and doesn’t speak to me (long story), have one or two friends but they wouldn’t notice if I don’t answer phone for a few weeks, and finally I have one neighbour who I’m ‘friendly’ with but they’re moving away shortly. I’ve often thought (if my partner was no longer with me) that I could fall downstairs and break my leg or worse and nobody would notice and I’d probably die there if I didn’t have my phone within reach. I’m pretty sure this is not uncommon. Very sad but true.

I’ve been on MN for years and it doesn’t surprise me that most people on here have no friends.

It always puzzles me when people say things like the OP’s post. If you have no family, you have NO FAMILY. It isn’t an odd choice made by weird people who don’t have the good sense to supply themselves with a large and caring network of young healthy parents, siblings, cousins etc

I don’t think anyone is questioning the people with no family, that’s clearly something that no one has control over.

Its the people who have gone out of their way to shed all their friends like hot bricks because they have found “the one” and who go on about how their husband is their everything etc etc and how female friends in particular are nothing but “drama”.

Obviously some people are beset by hard luck or circumstance which mean they are isolated and that’s tough and a big problem. But that’s not, I think, what the OP meant.

What some of us are questioning is the mindset that seems to say friendship is just a stopgap until you find a life partner and which dictates that you switch all your energies from friendship into a relationship and make no attempt to nurture and keep those friendships up.

Its still, despite decades of feminism, shockingly commonplace that women seem to take this stance.

I live in the same town I grew up in.

My dad is severely disabled so mum can’t do childcare as she’s effectively doing that but for dad, despite being early 60s. They’re 20 mins away.

Sister lives 10 mins away but both she and partner work full time around the clock to survive CoL and are self employed so asking either her or partner to look after our kids means they might not make rent that month.

Husband is an only child and FiL is dead, MiL lives 2.5hrs away and is mid 70s and struggles with the drive so we usually go to her.

We have tonnes of friends but they’re all pre DC friends who we went to uni with or who we befriended in London before we moved out. We both work in London (1.5 hr commute) 2 days a week.

Kids are both in nursery so we don’t really see the parents and they’re too young to have independent friendships. Due to the cost of nursery, nights out/childfree activities aren’t doable. Working mum so no toddler group parent friendships. Plus we’re both knackered with work and childcare.

I’m sure it will change at some stage but yes, despite being sociable, interesting people with great families, we don’t have anyone.