DSs dad took him on the back of his motorbike without my consent

I doubt the OP does something quite so dangerous with her son and asks him to keep it a secret!

I do agree though, that he should never have got your son to keep it a secret from you. That is really bad.

But why should he have to ask you? Do you ask him every time you do something out of the ordinary?
He is his son too!

your DH doesn't need you to agree, he's allowed to parent however he wants to.

This. Legally, there was parental consent.

Spot on.

If he didn't have him in proper protection, that would make me seriously consider leaving him. As he wouldn't be the person I chose to have a family with.

Like others have said, I would want to know more to know how mad I needed to be.... what was he wearing, did he have a helmet etc. As he is his dad, I would assume he put him in proper protection. I would therefore have a conversation with son about the risks and why you don't like bikes, and I would say to husband it's made you question your relationship and see how he responds. That would be the decider how I would proceed.

I would be incredibly cross and this would make me question my relationship with him. It's the dishonesty more than anything, and the fact that he knew how you felt but did it anyway. I do appreciate this is something he clearly thinks is ok and wanted to experience with his son but he should have discussed it with you further first and not done it secretly.
I'm sorry OP x

I grew up around motor bikes and I don’t like seeing kids on them. I wouldn’t be happy if my dad or my dp took my son on the back of theirs.

I would be furious if they did and said to keep it a secret.

However, he doesn’t need your consent. He is the child’s parent. The idea that your consent should mean more than the fathers, isn’t a great mindset to be honest.

He hasn't done anything illegal.

The unreasonable part is keeping secrets. But I'd ask myself why they felt the need to keep it a secret.

Well yes that's the ideal situation.

But if it comes down to it, if it's legal to take him on the bike, then there's nothing stopping him doing it beyond simply respecting her wishes (which it seems like he does not).

I ride a motorbike, have done since I was a teenager. I consider myself a safe and cautious rider, drive appropriately for the traffic, speed limit and conditions etc.

I know people do take their kids on the back but I hate seeing it, & I would never do it. I didn't even ride myself when my kids were growing up, just in case. We are at the mercy of car drivers and with the best will in the world, they don't always see us. There is no way in hell I would take a child on the back unless it was on a private road or track with no traffic and limited to about 5-15mph.

However, different people have different parenting approaches. He is within the law in this respect (although maybe not with his riding). It is really sucky to have a partner with such a different view of safety and I really don't know how you would get past this except confiscate the kids helmet and take the bike keys with you next time you go away.

Meh I used to go out on my dad's bikes at this age too if not younger. Bet your son was made up. Sad that he feels he has to hide things from you because you will go apeshit. There's risks everyday. You could be hit by a bus tomorrow but you still leave the house. I'm sure your husband was actually very careful. You ride and drive differently with passengers.

Are motorbikes more dangerous than peddle bikes ? I see kids (much younger than the OP), on the back of these all the time.

I hate motorbikes but why do you get final say?

Did DH have a car available or did he have to use his motorbike to get DC to where he had to go? A child on the back of a sensible motorcycle rider in a built up area, hopefully wearing all the right protective gear should be pretty safe.

My pet hate is kids on pedal bikes, similarly the biggest danger is from other motorists, although some children seem totally incompetent, or show off, or don't wear helmets or don't have lights when it's dark. I am amazed that young children are allowed (by their parents) to cycle on the roads, let alone in fast traffic on main roads.

I'd be completely opposed to the activity.

The secrecy would make me consider ending the relationship.

Sorry, but your DH sounds dreadful.

I think he's a bit young. My Dad was a lifelong biker but I never went on the pillion until I was 12. After that I was glued onto his bike and became a complete addict; even had my own bike by 17.

@mutleyschuckle and partner, however, are going about this sensibly and they rightly point out that it depends on the child and having the proper gear. I agree that you need to consider how tall (or sturdy/strong) the child is and how responsible/mature their attitude is.

Kids of that age vary tremendously in their maturity so I wouldn't say it's set in stone but in most cases I'd say 12-ish might be a better age for taking a child on pillion. But regardless of anything else, this should not have been kept from you and that is probably the bigger issue.

I’d be furious about the keeping secrets regardless of what the secret was. How furious I’d be about the bike depends on whether he was wearing a proper helmet, boots, jacket etc - I guess maybe not because why would he have all the gear if he doesn’t usually ride? I’d also be angry if he’s giving DS the impression that it’s not important to wear the right safety clothing all the time, and that it’s ok to break the speed limit.

I’m not against motorbikes because I have one, but safety isn’t something to mess around with.

I think it’s insane that anyone thinks this is ok. No matter how safely the dad is driving, motorbikes are inherently more risky than cars and you’re at the mercy of every other driver on the road in a much more vulnerable position than if you were in a car.

If he had a helmet on and appropriate clothing, I think it’s okay as an occasional treat. Parents drive differently with a kid. I have fond memories of the few times my dad let me have a ride on the back of his motorbike with him, and I would have been about the age your son is now. There’s risk, but there’s risk in everything.

I think it’s madness but just out of interest, did he make sure your son wore a helmet?

I have friends who used to be bikers and they brought their kids up in the subculture - their oldest died in a motorbike accident in his 20s. I'd be fucking furious about this but I wouldn't have had kids with someone who would teach my DC that motorbikes are cool and reasonable ways to travel. It's inevitable that he will get on a motorbike one day and legally no there is nothing you can do at this point. Maybe if you split up and went to court you could get a prohibited steps order but that's a big if.

Hang on.

DS needs to be able to reach the foot rests for the pillion passenger. Is he definitely tall enough?