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Original poster

DSs dad took him on the back of his motorbike without my consent

94 replies

motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 08:37

DH has several motorbikes. I hate them and have always made it very clear that I don't want our children anywhere near them. I've just been away for the weekend & came back to be told by our DS age 9 that he and his dad have a secret. After much cajoling turns out the secret was that DH has been driving DS around on his mororbike all weekend (on busy roads with speed limits of 40mph, which DH never obeys). I am absolutely furious.

DH is being an absolute twat and has said that he doesn't see what the problem is, and of course DS thinks its all great fun and so I'm in the wrong for kicking up a fuss about this. Having Googled the legalities of this, it would seem that travelling with a child on a motorbike is legal (and, unbelievably, there's no minimum age) but only with parental consent. I do not give consent, but obviously DH does.

Do I have any power to stop this happening again in future? My worry is that if DH doesn't see this as an issue and won't listen to reason, he can legally take our son onto motorways on the back of his bike as long as he gives consent.

OP posts:
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BikerDogMum · 26/09/2024 06:19

Possibly an unpopular opinion here but you sound controlling and a bit of a nightmare.
No wonder hubby kept it a secret as it’s your way or not at all. Even if hubby usually rides fast he wouldn’t have done with his son in the back. You’re assuming the worst. Have you asked about speeds done without assuming the worst and being angry about it?

OhmygodDont · 25/09/2024 22:08

The main issue is the secrets.

Now I don’t like bikes and honestly would rather my children not be on one. But technically the child is tall enough, obviously wise enough and listens well enough to be a good pillion, he had all the correct safety gear on.

I can’t believe that apart from the secret aspect you’ve gone off on it. As far as to get legal advice about a parent taking their own child legally on their bike.

If you hate them so much and wanted your child know where near you should have maybe not married a biker or a bike who believes children with the correct gear are fine as pillion.

Welshmonster · 25/09/2024 22:02

I would be fuming about the manipulation of the child and making them keep secrets as this is abuse.

Coconutter24 · 25/09/2024 20:58

buttonsB4 · 23/09/2024 08:47

Do you think your H has done this to "punish" you for going away for the weekend and potentially prevent you from ever leaving him to parent by himself again?

I think you really need to think about his motivation for this.

Is he stupid?

Does he genuinely not care about your child's safety (I'm presuming DC wasn't wearing safety boots, leathers and a properly fitted helmet?)

Is he the type of man that does things without thinking of the potential consequences?

Or is he trying to punish you?

I'm not sure what other motivation there could be.

Give over!! 🤦‍♀️ Punish her? OP said her DS was wearing a helmet and protective equipment so you presumed wrong there. You can’t think of any other motivation for the bike rides other than to punish her?… how about he has a hobby which he enjoys and wanted to share with his son who also by the sounds of it enjoys going on the bike (even though that’s not what OP wants)

CosyLemur · 25/09/2024 20:41

motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 16:16

I've just spoken to a family solicitor and I thought I'd post the highlights here in case it's of any use to anyone in future.

  1. While we know that a child riding pillion on a motorbike isn't illegal, obviously parents/guardians have a legal responsibility to keep a child safe and putting them on a motorbike (particularly when other modes of transport are available) could be compromising their safety, so the law isn't clean cut.
  2. If my child were involved in an accident, I, as the child's parent, could bear legal liability even if I haven't given my consent.
  3. The full risks of the activity should have been explained and understood by the the child beforehand.
  4. This would be classed as a safeguarding issue and if reported to the police or child protection services would be considered as such.

So in a nutshell, while not technically illegal there are some legal ramifications.

Are you always this controlling about things your husband does with his son? I can't believe you went to a solicitor about this - and not even a good solicitor either!
As someone who works for child protective services, non of what you've been told is true - you're the parent I'd be investigating for trying to interfere and disrupt your son's relationship with his Dad!

FlyingFox · 25/09/2024 20:25

No way I would go ballistic at this, can't believe how many people saying he's done nothing wrong! I wouldn't even let my son at 13 go on the back of a motorbike, not a chance in hell. I would make it perfectly clear that it is not to happen again, non negotiable in my eyes.

SwiftiesVSLestat · 24/09/2024 06:46

motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 16:56

I should have added to my post above, so in conclusion, while it isn't illegal to take a child on a motorbike, in the same way as it isn't illegal to leave a 2 year old home alone, both would be considered a child protection issue and could therefore have legal implications.

It’s very unlikely a father taking his child on a motorbike with all the correct safety equipment, would be treated anywhere near the same as leaving a 2 year old home alone. Perhaps if the motorbike riding was part of many child protection issues.

Did you really pay a family solicitor to get advice to convince your OH, this could be a child protection issue?

Social services wouldn’t get involved with just this. In divorce a judge wouldn’t be interested in just that. In both cases they would more likely to do something about a parent who leaves a 2 year old home alone.

Again, I don’t agree with taking kids on motorbikes. My father and dp drive them, my kids don’t go on them. But I think suggesting it’s comparable to leaving 2 year old alone is a bit of an exaggeration.

JohnofWessex · 23/09/2024 22:44

Looking at it from a wider perspective I suggest that there is a strong argument for not allowing under (16's?) as passengers on motorbikes

Emeraldiisland · 23/09/2024 22:42

I'm not convinced the police or child protection services would get involved with this. If that was the case no one would ever take their child on a motorbike, but several do. Do you really think either service has the manpower to deal with this?

Original poster
motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 18:49

@Livinginvnam I know, I’ve been there & seen the kids. Doesn’t mean I want my own child on one.

OP posts:
MonsteraMama · 23/09/2024 17:45

Livinginvnam · 23/09/2024 17:17

In Vietnam EVERYONE drives with their children on their motorbikes. Given the price of cars there's really no alternative.

Given how many of said children die in traffic accidents annually I'm not sure that's a particularly strong argument in favour of kids on motorcycles.

MamOfGirls2 · 23/09/2024 17:36

Livinginvnam · 23/09/2024 17:17

In Vietnam EVERYONE drives with their children on their motorbikes. Given the price of cars there's really no alternative.

The child traffic accident fatality rate is a horrific in Vietnam.

Vietnam's Ministry of Health reported that child traffic accident fatality rate of Vietnam was about 20 deaths per 100,000 children, while the figure was 7.4 deaths per 100,000 children in South East Asia and 4.2 deaths per 100,000 children in Europe.

Livinginvnam · 23/09/2024 17:17

In Vietnam EVERYONE drives with their children on their motorbikes. Given the price of cars there's really no alternative.

Original poster
motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 16:56

I should have added to my post above, so in conclusion, while it isn't illegal to take a child on a motorbike, in the same way as it isn't illegal to leave a 2 year old home alone, both would be considered a child protection issue and could therefore have legal implications.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 23/09/2024 16:18

My DS takes my DGS on his motorbike and has done since DGS was c.7. Helmet and leathers for him. Not safe and I worry about it sometimes, but entirely legal. He doesn't have to ask me or DGS's mother (though I am pretty sure he cleared it with her).

Original poster
motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 16:16

I've just spoken to a family solicitor and I thought I'd post the highlights here in case it's of any use to anyone in future.

  1. While we know that a child riding pillion on a motorbike isn't illegal, obviously parents/guardians have a legal responsibility to keep a child safe and putting them on a motorbike (particularly when other modes of transport are available) could be compromising their safety, so the law isn't clean cut.
  2. If my child were involved in an accident, I, as the child's parent, could bear legal liability even if I haven't given my consent.
  3. The full risks of the activity should have been explained and understood by the the child beforehand.
  4. This would be classed as a safeguarding issue and if reported to the police or child protection services would be considered as such.

So in a nutshell, while not technically illegal there are some legal ramifications.

OP posts:
Rav3 · 23/09/2024 15:20

< Biker

But fuck no, too many near misses

Original poster
motorbikemadness · 23/09/2024 15:17

@Whammyammy I wouldn't mind so much if they'd been off road, but they were riding around the city we live in on 40mph roads and that's a hard no from me.

OP posts:
Whammyammy · 23/09/2024 14:54

As your sons mother you are entitled to your opinion.
The same for your sons father is entitled to his opinion.
My husband has several motorcycles. A big adventure one I go on the back of, a sports bike I wouldn't fit on and an off road bike.

In the right hands bikes are dangerous. My husband has taken all our kids out on them over the years and taught them how to ride off road. Now the grandchildren regularly have a ride off road.

LifeExperience · 23/09/2024 14:40

Your DH is being foolish, but he has every legal right to be. He has equal parental rights, and he consents. You need to discuss this again with him.

DragonGypsyDoris · 23/09/2024 14:40

Even if your husband makes bad decisions, you're not the boss of the family and your opinion equals rather than trumps his.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 23/09/2024 14:37

Also, if your son had a proper helmet and protective gear (which it's great that he had!) this isn't the first time he's been out on the bike. He wouldn't have extensive fitted safety gear for a one off, spur-of-the-moment spin. This has been a regular thing for some time I would have thought.

PonzuYuzuHispiCabbage · 23/09/2024 13:51

I’d be furious too.

We always proceeded on the basis that where we disagreed as parents, the existing status quo or the lest risky/ most conservative option won. A example might be me thinking pierced ears are okay from age 11 and DH thinking age 16. If I couldn’t persuade him then I would have ceded to his standpoint.

I have no advice but I’d be writing an email to express your disapproval of asking your son to keep secrets from you, and secondarily of him taking him pillion on a motorbike knowing it is against your wishes. I’d add that tempting as it would be to retaliate in some way, you will not be doing that because it not not in your son’s best interests and you will always put those first.

He’ll be drinking alcohol with him next, making a best mate of him, pathetic, selfish bastard.

MamOfGirls2 · 23/09/2024 13:43

In 2022, 350 motorcyclists were killed in Great Britain, whilst 5,618 were reported to be seriously injured and 10,975 slightly injured.
I'd be absolutely furious.

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